One year, and this is me now...

Tomorrow will be one year that we came to Germany. It has been one HELL of a year to say the least. I have made friends, lost friends, and become a very bitter person (at times). Let's recap quickly what made me so bitter.

We arrived in Germany around noon and sat at the airport for HOURS. We had left the States at 4pm and arrival in Germany was 4am Mountain time... so we were tired. The bus left the airport around 3 and I have NO IDEA what time we got to Baumholder, but it was dark and we had been traveling for over 24 hours at this point. We were met at the hotel by a SSG who helped us get our bags and cats into our room and gave us a quick tour of Baumholder in the dark... real helpful.. hmph. He took us to the Shopette and to Burger King to get food real quick because we had not eaten since breakfast on the plane, we were tired, and wanted to eat and go to sleep.

The next day SGT Jekyll had to go to work to start inprocessing and we were left in the hotel. We had no vehicle, had $135 in our bank account, and knew no one. I was feeling lost and very isolated. No one came to check on us and see if we needed anything, no one came by to even say "HI" and "Welcome"... NOW I know this is common place here, at the time I was just an emotional wreck. I ended up having to learn my own way around by cabs and walking everywhere in the cold and snow.

I was talked into becoming the FRG leader for my husbands company months later. I had been happy not knowing anyone and not talking to anyone aside from the few people I had met... this is where things really started to turn upside down for me. Apparently being FRG leader means you are instantly hated. I never had anything to do with FRG ever before Stateside (by choice) so I have no idea what possessed me to become the leader for this group. All of a sudden there are dirty looks and rumors flying everywhere. People coming to me wanting things but never wanting to help. More rumors and lies and OMG I AM SICK OF IT!!!!

On top of all this I had a falling out with my neighbors that I am over and could really care less about now, but at the time it really upset me (my neighbors and I are still not speaking). I am at the point now that I really do not care anymore about anyone other than my family. I am tired of helping others that never help themselves or other people in return, I am tired of lies, drama, rumors, non communication, and all around BULLSHIT! I am just tired.

I really wanted to help out the FRG, but I did not want a social club. Most of the wives are girls barely older (or some even younger) than my son and still have that high school drama going on. What do I have in common with them other than our husbands do the same thing? This is not enough for me to forage a friendship with someone. I keep to myself for a reason... it is because in this tiny ass place no one seems to really care, they just want gossip and crap to make their lives more interesting. I will not add people to my Facebook just because they are a part of my husband's company. I mean, if you don't talk to me on a regular basis why add you to my PERSONAL page to give fuel to the rumor fire? I value my privacy.

I refuse to be one of those wives that my life revolves around my husband and that is all I ever talk about. I will not wear any "Army Wife" gear that is printed so large that it looks like that is all I have going for myself. Yes, I am a wife, my husband is in the Army, but I am me. I am a smart, funny, crude, blatantly outspoken, wild, and outrageous woman. I like to have fun, I love history, I am in college right now, and I love my friends as if they were family. I will not fake a friendship for the sake of having someone to talk to. If I do not like you I will not talk to you. Period. This is me, and you will either love me or despise me... no matter what, I am me.