Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Really makes me wonder...

A quick blog before I go to bed. The DayQuil did not work too well, but no matter... I am home and the NyQuil is calling me! Work was interesting with my trying to get all of my log in's situated (really hard to concentrate when you are feeling like crap lemme tell ya!), and trying to fill out my security clearance paperwork. It makes me a little nervous, because what if I filled it out wrong? What if I forgot something? Will I get fired? I just need to relax and try to sleep this ick off.

A few things first. How many of you with spouses in the military have nightmares before they deploy? By nightmares I mean death dreams. I am very curious because a few friends of mine are having dreams like that, and I have had one myself. I honestly cannot remember if I had death dreams before the last deployment... but seriously, what is the point in this????

I am really annoying myself because if I think about the deployment at all I have the worst thoughts ever, thoughts that I do not want to have or even come close to imagining. I do not want to talk to my husband about this because he has enough to deal with... so I have my few lady friends in the same situation as me to lean to.

I am trying my hardest to be normal and truck on, but every time I look at him I say to myself "Only XX days till he is gone." I hate pre deployment, and I hate what it turns me into while I try not to become what I hate. Just sayin'.

On that note, I am going to down some NyQuil and crawl under my warm covers... I can hear them calling me :)

P.S. If there are any military spouses reading this, please let me know about the dream thing and your experience.


I'm just sayin' said...

First of all I would say that I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been a military spouse for almost 24 years. My husband will soon retire with almost 30 years of service.

As dreams go they often play out for us our greatest fears, the very thing we try to shove way back in our mind and not face. The best thing to do is to face it sit down with your husband and have the conversation he is scared too and does not want to tell you. If we keep too much inside then we get mad at them right before they leave and then the whole time they are away that is what it is coated in.

It will be hard but honest and encourage each other. This is a tough job that we have all signed up for active duty member and spouse.

These things are not easy but you can overcome it and make it through. And with your girfriends have a get it all out on the table day. Make it a pot luck no kids and bring lots of tissues and just begin to heal the pain of the imagined and the real.

blessings and hope to you

Laura said...

I do not need to let it all out, really... I did not need to last time either. I appreciate the advice, but it does not work for me because it would turn me into what I despise.

I am just curious if my friends and I are the only ones who have morbid dreams like that.