Progress

The husband is beginning his third week of treatment for PTSD in San Diego. I am not sure if he is noticing the progress he is making, but I sure do.

I chat with him nightly online via Facebook video chat, or just Facebook chat, and have him tell me how his days are going. The other night he told me about one of the guys there being picked on by others in the group because he talks... a lot. I commended my husband for sticking up for the guy and telling off the bullies. I also told him how I could remember a time that he would have been just as annoyed with the talker's jabber and probably would have been just as mean.

I reminded my husband that treatment is a process for everyone and not everyone progresses at the same rate (it probably helps that he got a leg up with the treatment in San Antonio). They are all there for the same thing, just some are on different stages of progress.

Last night he told me all of the things he loves about me. These are things he has never really said before. I love knowing how he feels, and knowing that he values and appreciates me for more than the physical aspects of our relationship. Feelings are not something he expresses easily.

The man is making progress, and I believe that through all of this our relationship is getting stronger because of it. I love my husband and I am so proud of him for conquering his fears and getting help.

Normal?

I really did pick an apt title for my blog. While I may not write as much as I used to, I am still trying. I keep finding it increasingly difficult to put into words what I am going through or what my family has been going through. Regardless... here is an update.

My daughter is driving me insane. She is 13 years old, perpetually ill, or something is going wrong with her braces, or she wants something... wait  NEEDS something all the damned time. We honestly thought she was going to fail the 8th grade, but by some miracle she passed and will be going into 9th grade next year. We don't know how she did it. She told me she is happy but not as happy as she would be normally because she does not feel like she earned it. The constant drama that comes with having her in the house is a drain on my sanity.

Not my daughter... it could be be though...

My youngest son got caught shoplifting last week. The MP's called me and I had to go to the store to get him. He was not telling them ANYTHING- like his name, how old he was, etc. They got my info from a letter in his backpack... his little stunt could have resulted in us losing our home!! I know the kid is ADHD, but I did not raise my children to steal!!!!  He has to learn to control his impulses!! So I am sending him to therapy for just that.

The husband is now in San Diego getting more treatment for his PTSD. He is about complete with his 2nd week there, 8 more weeks to go... I do not even know where to begin on that one... what to say... so for now I am just going to leave it, maybe discuss it at a later time.

I had to quit work, I did not want to, but I had to. I HATE sitting at home. I have been so bored, and with everything going on and no escape for me I have slipped into a depression of sorts. Sitting home, not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone.... yeah, it sucks.

I have been avoiding the mother-in-law as much as I can. She called me on mother's day and I ignored the call. To be fair I was sick and did not really want to talk to anyone, though I did call my aunt and talk to her for a bit... alright so I did not want to talk to anyone that pisses me off or makes me want to hack off my arm rather than speak to them longer than 5 seconds.

I hate Alaska!! OK, the scenery is beautiful (if you leave Fairbanks), the Northern Lights are gorgeous (sucks in the summer when there is no darkness), but how remote this place is and the lack of anything to do unless you hunt, fish, drink, or use drugs is terrible! It can drive a person to drink, use drugs, or take up drunken hunting and fishing....

Back to the teen daughter thing... why does she insist on using/stealing EVERYTHING I buy for myself even if she has something of her own??? Perfect example: I bought some facial cleansers because there are times I break out like a teen and I wanted to see if these would help. I am tired of looking like a crackhead. I go into my bathroom yesterday to wash my face before bed and I see that she has used my facial cleansers!!! WHY?!?!?! That girl uses PROACTIV!!!! The Proactiv works wonderfully BTW... it is the only thing that worked for her over anything else that you don't have to get from a dermatologist. She comes downstairs and I see she is wearing my clothes. Seriously??? Ugh!

I just want my life to be normal again...

But what is normal anyway??

She will pray for a dog...

First off, the husband is doing well. He has voluntarily signed admittance to the hospital so he can get the treatment he needs until he can go to the treatment center in Texas. He is not happy about it, but he did it... and that is a step. He wants to thank everyone for the prayers and support, I know it means a lot to him and I know he needs it.

Yesterday his CO called me on the husband's cell phone because he did not have my phone number, and he did not know that I had the husband's phone until later during the day. He advised me of visiting hours at the hospital and as soon as I got off the phone with him I went to visit the husband. During the phone call he told me that he had called the husband's mother.

If you had read any of the "Adventures in Funerals" posts you would know his mother is not a stable person. So when the CO told me that he called the husband's mother I replied with "Oh God, you didn't..." He sighed and said "Yes, I did. I had to. Her number is the only correct number I had." He then asked me for his brothers number and my phone number so that he would not have to call her again. I couldn't help but laugh.

I went to visit the husband, he was very sedated, but was able to think clearly. We talked for a bit. He told me he was sorry. I told him he has prayers and positive thoughts coming from all over. He said "Tell them thank you. I appreciate it." When I got home I called his mother... it was inevitable, I had to.

I called her and told her that he was ok. He was safe. He was getting the help he needs. I told her that what he needed right now was prayers, positive thoughts and energy sent his way. He needed to know we love him, support him, and will be behind him through all of this. I told her this at least three or four times during the phone call, all to which she replied with "Yeah.."

At one point during the call the conversation switched to our animals. My cat is newly diagnosed with diabetes, and she has a dog with diabetes. The dog, she told me, had to have life saving surgery back in January, and that the vet said the dog might not survive. She said to me: "You were talking about praying? I was praying to Jesus, God, the Virgin Mary, all the Saints, and anyone else who would hear my prayers. Please don't let my dog die, I can't handle another loss!"

That pissed me off. I tell her that her son needs prayers over what he is going through and she responds with an offhanded "yeah" but her dog has surgery and she is praying to everyone?!?!??! What the F*#K (better Aunt Janie?). Seriously, the husband asked her over a week ago to call the family in Texas to ask for prayers and she told him no, she did not want to worry them. REALLY???? What is wrong with this woman?!?!?!?

During the phone call she tried to make it about her. She said "I know he is worried about me and me being alone and stuff." To which I replied "Well, he has been told by his CO, his doctors, and ME that he has a mission to take care of himself. He is not supposed to worry about anyone but himself. He needs to focus on HIMSELF and get better!" She did not like that and ended the conversation quick. I am glad. I could not take much more of that selfish woman.

Maybe I am being overprotective of him right now, but DAMNIT! What kind of mother is she? Why does it have to be about her? Why can't she show genuine concern for her son? I told Jeff a week or so ago that he needs to learn that she is his mother, he is her son. He is NOT her parent and he has no obligation to take care of her when she is fully capable of caring for herself. It is not his responsibility just because she is being needy and does not want to help herself.

DONE!