Sunday, December 18, 2011

Some people should not reproduce....

The following is (I swear it is) a real and true conversation between a friend of mine and an ex-facebook friend of hers. She never met this person in real life... but I SWEAR THIS IS NOT MADE UP!!!

The first half is the original version, if it makes your head want to explode there is an English version below it- translated for the majority :) Names abbreviated to protect the stupid....

Original Version:


JT-How r u

AD- Good, you?

JT- notso good :(

AD- Sorry to hear that. :(

JT-Ya do ya wana no y i don feel good

AD- Sure.

JT- well i juss got home from the hospitle 2 ours ago.

AD- Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT- wat happened was i 4got to take furst tampon out n shoved a secund 1 in ha ha

AD - Um... wow

JT- so den i tryed use thurd to get dem out that did not work so i used forth

AD- o.O

JT- Tryed 2 get drew my bf 2 pull dem owt but his hand only go in most the way n get stuk

AD- Are you messing with me? Seriously, are you?

JT- Wat u meen

AD- Nevermind.. Then what happened?

JT- Culdnt get dem owt but he did find too rubers up in ther

AD- Well, that's good I guess.

JT- I was in pane 4 3 days had to use pads n pads hurt y wuld ne1 want to use sumthin tat uncufrutabel lol

AD- And the FOUR tampons shoved up inside you did hurt?

JT- not reele but i did start to get bad sick so i had to go to the hospitle n they pulled dem owt n on top of all tat i know have diahorrea n my bf dumpt me 4 my sister cuz he sed i pussy was 2 lose for hims dik how culd he say tat

AD- Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT- How can u b so meen i is sereus n tryin 2 vent to sum1

AD- I'm sorry, not trying to be. It's just that this all sounds like a joke or something. 

JT- it ok juss emoshinal rite know ya no
wat wurss is tat my babee sister is preggo wit me babee know

AD- Say what?

JT- ya he cheeted on me n know she preggo n it has 2 b my babee

AD- Um... I think you mean she is pregnant with his baby?

JT- Ya it his babee it his n MY babee

AD- That would make the baby his and hers. It would be THEIR baby. How on earth could it be yours?

JT- We had sex duh tat how babees r maid lol

AD- Seriously?

JT- Ya n she only 16 she 2 yung to be havin babees n shit sumhow he must hav suked up 1 of my eggs n put it up in her n now she bitsh is gunna have my babee n i will be lonee 4eva n they get 2 b happi 

AD- That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it would NOT be your kid at all. 

JT- y dose everewon take his side U juss MEEN BITSH juss delete me know if u gunna b meen

AD- I hope this is all just one big elaborate joke. But based upon your spelling and grammar, But I seriously doubt it.

AD- You have somehow reached a level of moron in which I have in my life never encountered before. And hope never to encounter again. Also, I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in and of itself. You are a marvel to the intellectual world.

JT- wat

English Version-

JT: Hey

AD: Hi

JT: How are you?

AD: Good, you?

JT: Not so good.

AD: Sorry to hear that.

JT: Do you want to know why I don't feel good?

AD: Sure.

JT: Well, I just got home from the hospital 2 hrs ago.

AD: Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT: What happened was, I shoved a second tampon up, but forgot to take the second one out.

AD: Um.. wow

JT: So then I tried using a third one to remove the two, and when that didn't work, I used a 4th.

AD: O.o

JT: I tried to get my boyfriend to pull them out, but he could only get his hand in so far.

AD: Are you messing with me?

JT: What do you mean?

AD: Nevermind... Then what happened?

JT: He couldn't get them out, but he did find 2 rubbers in there.

AD: that's good I guess.

AD: So then what happened?

JT: I was in pain for 3 days. I had to use pads. Pads hurt. Why would anyone want to use something that uncomfortable?

AD: And four tampons didn't hurt?

JT: Not really. But I did start to get sick. So I had to go to the hospital and they pulled them out. And on top of it all, I now have diarrhea and my boyfriend dumped me for my sister because he said I was too loose. How could he say that? 

AD: Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT: How can you be so insensitive? I'm serious, and trying to vent to someone. 

AD: Sorry, not trying to be.

JT: I'm just a little emotional right now, it's ok.

JT: What's worse is, my little sister is now prego with my baby.

AD: Say what?

JT: Yeah, he cheated on me, and now she is prego, and it has to be my kid.

AD: Don't you mean with his kid?

JT: Of course it would be his kid. His and MINE.

AD: That would make it his and her's. How could it be yours?

JT: We have had sex, duh.

AD: Seriously?

JT: Yeah, and she is only 16. She's too young to have kids. He must have sucked up one of my eggs and put it in her. Now she is going to have my kid and I will end up all alone.

AD: That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it wouldn't be your kid at all. 

JT: Why does everyone keep taking his side. You are Fucking bitch for taking their side. You should just delete me.

AD: I hope this is just an elaborate joke, but based upon your spelling, I seriously doubt it. 

AD: You have reached a level of moron in which I have never encountered before in my life. I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in itself. 

JT: What?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Time for a few rants... feel free to add your own!

Have you ever wanted to tell someone "I would feel sorry for you, but I think you are feeling sorry for yourself enough for everyone"? You have no idea how pissy I have been lately... I know I can attribute some of it to PMS, because I am a raging BITCH during that time, but now that has passed I feel I can safely rant without going overboard... maybe, possibly... don't count on it...

OK, so here we go...

Rant #1: I am sooo tired of women blaming their weight problem on PCOS. OK, I did it once, and I was told that having PCOS makes it harder to lose weight... well it is hard, but NOT IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE!!!!! I have lost over 70 lbs so far, I am within the healthy weight range (no longer obese, no longer overweight), I have PCOS and I DID IT! You cannot stuff your face with cakes, cookies, McDonald's, Burger King, etc... pop a Metformin in your mouth and say "This pill will help me lose weight!" then get mad when you are not losing weight! OK, Metformin CAN help you lose weight because of the side effects, but it is not meant for weight loss. Also, I saw one woman had typed "I find that since I got PCOS I get cravings before my T.O.M. (time of the month), does anyone else experience this?" Um... news flash!!! MOST WOMEN GET CRAVINGS BEFORE THEIR TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!! YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!!!! It is not the PCOS that is doing that, it is called being a hormonal woman.

Rant #2: Women who say they are working out, losing tons of weight, etc... then you see them and they look no different than they had 3 months or more before. OK, if you want to lie to yourself fine, but don't lie to me and expect me to lie to you by saying you look like you lost weight when I cannot see it. I would feel bad for thinking this way, but when people tell me they see you running at the track then immediately going into the bowling alley to eat half of a pizza and chicken strips with ranch dressing I know that you just undid whatever you might have done. I feel not one ounce of bad for you. Oh, and stop being pissed off at me because I have lost the weight... I have worked hard for this, if you chose to ignore what I have told you what worked for me that is your issue not mine. Jealousy is an ugly color to wear.

Rant #3: The pity train has derailed... seriously. I am so tired of hearing all the whining and complaining about things that people have complete control to prevent or FIX! Stop playing the blame game for whatever issues you are having, take some fucking responsibility for your actions (or the actions of your little precious adorable demon spawn) and DO SOMETHING!!! You cannot expect others to fix everything for you, and when you are a military spouse you HAVE to learn to do shit and fix shit on your own... waiting for the hubby to handle things is not always an option. I have fixed a door that came apart (Gorilla Glue and clamps to the rescue!), fixed a broken sofa (same thing... YAY FOR GORILLA GLUE!), taken the vehicle in for brakes, tires, and maintenance, dealt with many a crisis, and still managed to try to help others when they exhausted all options. You are a married adult with children... ACT LIKE IT! Also, I refuse to feel sorry for someone who creates their own drama.

Rant #4: My kids are on my last nerve. If they would get off their asses and do their chores I would be THRILLED! Don't expect me to buy you stuff that you want (notice WANT, not need) when you don't do jack shit to earn it. Also, please notice that the vehicle does not have the words TAXI written on it ANYWHERE!

Rant #5: I was told that I might be offered a full time position at the work location 40 miles from here... umm.... take that offer and SHOVE IT! I was working at the local office when a full time position came available and YOU CHOSE to pass me over for it. I do not fancy the idea of driving 40 miles in snow, rain, dark (I hate driving in the dark) and on the friggin autobahn because you screwed me over 8 months ago.

On the upside, the holidays are here. Thanksgiving was wonderful. I invited a Russian family over and enjoyed seeing they loved the food and loved the stuffing (they never had stuffing before... WTF?), I am also holding a 2nd Thanksgiving for some soldier brothers of my husband that will be back home any day.

My youngest son came to me and told me his medication for ADHD was not working and he wanted to go to the doctor. I am so proud of him for seeing that and coming to me! He is now on his concerta in the morning, and a low dose of Ritalin at noon. It is working wonderfully, and I have even noticed his handwriting has become neater! I have to take him into audiology at the end of the month because he says (and the school says) he cannot hear well out of his right ear. He says at times he cannot hear out of it at all, so we shall see what is going on there.

My oldest son is planning a trip to Australia, and getting very impatient about it. My daughter still has her boyfriend, I have met his mother and I like them all! He is a really good kid and looks out for my daughter who can be very trusting and naive at times. I told him that she is lucky to have him, he replied that he is lucky to have her (awww....).

Also... does anyone think that Levi's jeans fit larger than the size states? I bought a pair of size 4's and they fit, but I have a hard time believing that I am my daughter's size.... I mean I will take it, but I do not want to look like a liar when I say I can fit in 4's... I know I can fit into a 7 normally without issue, but 4's??? Pssh...

Add your rants in the comments... I love to read them :)

Monday, November 14, 2011

The truth...

You know, it is hard trying to be tough all of the time. It is hard trying to be strong and positive all of the time... actually it is exhausting.

I am not one to tell people about my problems. Normally when people ask how I am I reply with "Fine!" or "GREAT!" when I really am not. Why do I do this? Because I truly believe that people really don't want the truth when thy ask this...

Yes, I am happy I have lost almost 70 lbs since April. I feel great, I look great (aside from saggy skin, blech), and I have a ton more confidence than I ever did before; but there is a side of my life that most people do not see because I am (believe it or not) a private person. I do not want to give the illusion that my life is perfect, it is not, I just don't want everyone knowing what goes on behind closed doors... but part of me feels like I need to step out from behind the closed doors and speak out because I know there are a lot of military families that are going through what I am now... and I chose to write about it because there is finally a resolution in my life.

Some of my closest friends know what is going on because I have chosen to share with them. For advice, for support, as a sounding board. Most do not know because it is embarrassing for me. My husband has PTSD, I know it, most people who know him know it, but he has not been formally diagnosed yet. With Combat PTSD come a myriad of issues and struggles that "normal" families never encounter.  Allow me to share.

My husband has been deployed numerous times, I believe that the one he is currently on is his 4th or 5th deployment. He has seen death, and I am pretty damn sure he has caused death (I would be stupid to believe he hasn't). What must this do to a person? To know that you ended a life, to see your brothers-in-arms die right in front of you while you are still alive by some grace of God. To see your fellow soldiers deal with being cheated on and divorced while they are fighting in another country and helpless to do anything; afraid that you are next for personal turmoil or death daily.

I cannot count how many times my husband has gotten angry over something and told me he wanted a divorce. I know that it has been a lot... and this past week I had enough. I agreed to the divorce, I was tired of hearing it, tired of the damn hurtful things he would say. I just resigned and said "Ok, fine." I guess he thought I was bluffing, but I had called my father, called my cousin, talked to my friends, talked to an FRSA, ready to go back "home" and stop the madness. I was looking at places to live, looking for work... I was ready to start over no matter how much it scared me. It would have been better than the alternative of continuing to live with doubt about my relationship. I was ready to go.

I guess my husband realized I was serious... but he was not. He did not want a divorce. He did not want to lose me and the kids, he said he did for reasons unknown to him, but he saw that he was about to. He agreed to go get help. In the past I had asked, begged, and pleaded with him to get help. He refused saying there was nothing wrong with him. I knew better.

Knowing he was FINALLY taking the steps to get the help he needed gave me some relief, but I am still wary. For now I am putting off leaving him to see what progress he makes. I KNOW he can be a good man, a good husband, and good father... he just needs help to get past all of the hurt, anger, and fear within him. I cannot help him, I know this... but I know I could not continue to live with him the way he was (and I really hope this helps him).

So my life is not perfect, my marriage is not perfect, and my husband being in the military does not come without added heartache, pain, and turmoil- things the movies do not show. Being married to a soldier is not like being married to a "normal" man. Living the military life is not all glamour. Being a military spouse IS the hardest thing to be if you have a man that has seen war, been injured, and seen death. No man comes out of that unscathed.

I just hope that people do not judge him too harshly. He has his issues, and he is taking the steps needed to fix them. He is not a violent man, he just gets angry and says some really hurtful things and wants to stop that so that he can have a family that loves him as much as he loves us but has such a hard time showing.

Friday, November 4, 2011

I ran my first 5K!!! And other stuff...

I have been so busy lately. I am just 5 weeks and 3 days from completing my Bachelors degree and I am SUPER STOKED about it! I have been trying to defuse my husbands "SGT Jekyll" moments from afar (and believe me, this deployment has been hell on EVERYONE downrange) as well as trying to defuse some other "brother" soldiers  SGT Jekyll moments as well. I am feeling so bad for these guys and what they are going through, and it has been hard for me to put my thoughts together to blog. My kids are going through a lot themselves; my daughter has a boyfriend and is "Miss Popularity" so she is either gone, on the computer, or needing me to be her personal chauffeur. My oldest son is getting burnt out at work and vents to me, and my youngest is constantly asking for the newest video game that was just released... that shit gets expensive!!! 

I have been at the end of my rope a few times, just barely hanging on by the last knot. I have been able to get through with the support of friends, gym and Zumba time, and wine :)

Yes, I am still at the weight loss thing. I have lost over 65 lbs now, I go to Zumba class twice a week, and try to hit the gym the other 3 days. On the weekend I turn on the XBOX Kinect and do Zumba at home or Dance Central (so much fun and makes me SWEAT!). This week I am struggling not to binge eat... I have been making a few bad food decisions, but I think that is attributed to TOM.. I will be right back on track with my eating soon.

Last month I ran (OK, I walked and jogged) my first 5k. I completed it in 47 minutes and was super proud of myself!! It was 32 degrees outside but that did not deter me. I put on my Under Armor, gloves, jacket, and polar bear hat and drove on post to get to the starting line...
After the race... I was so ready for a smoke! My friend Bre... she is like a size 0... seriously...

Crossing the finish line

Watching everyone sign up
This year was the easiest Halloween EVER! My daughter went out with her friends, my youngest son went out with his friends, and I got to sit back and relax...
Youngest son as Master Chief from Halo

She was supposed to be a zombie nurse, but she did not want to wear a lot of makeup, so she just looked like a sadistic/evil nurse... ever see Silent Hill???


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Yeah well... so sue me

OK, I know... I have been kinda MIA for a bit... but I have been BUSY!!!! I mean, it is HARD to spend time with a husband home on R&R, continue with college, go to work, and try to keep up with the diet and exercise thing AND blog!!!!

OK, so I am a slacker... deal with it.

So this is what is up. I am on my second to my last class before I finish my Bachelors degree, then in the beginning of next year I will start on my Masters. I have lost almost 60 pounds total since I started dieting and exercise and am feeling pretty damn good about myself. My husband was even so excited about it he spent almost $1000 at Victoria's Secret on me. Him. Shopping. Online. Without my knowledge. I ended up with a bunch of TX Longhorns, Dallas Cowboys, and Army gear! He bought all smalls, but lucky for me they are all from the Pink line and all fit.

All of my kids keep growing up and having lives outside of the home without my permission and I am having a really hard time with that. My daughter has a boyfriend, my oldest son is seriously interested in someone, and THANK GOD that my youngest son is still ok with being home, playing video games, and being my little boy.

I find myself getting increasingly annoyed with misspellings, or just ignorant remarks... like one person I know just got diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) and:

#1 Insists on calling it Pulmonary Cystic Ovarian Syndrome

#2 Is acting like she was just diagnosed with cancer or AIDS or something

OK, I have PCOS. I have had it for YEARS. When I found out I never acted like I was going to die, I never was "in shock" over the news. I never blamed the reason I was fat on it either. I know it is hard to lose weight when you have it, but not any harder than losing weight normally (I think). When I started dieting in April I began eating like a diabetic (for the most part), I watched my portions, I watched my calories, etc, etc, etc... the weight started coming off. It was a lot easier than I thought! I just had to get the "I have PCOS so I cannot lose weight" out of my head.

I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES! OK, I know this deployment is hard on the spouses left behind. I know it is hard not hearing from your spouse for days or weeks at a time. I know we miss our spouses... BUT STOP DWELLING ON IT AND FIND SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE TO DO! Also, to the women who's husbands leave for a one week business trip: I am so sick of reading about how hard it is to be away from them. You. Have. No. Idea.

I keep myself busy because I do not want to become a blubbering mess. I talk to people about anything BUT Army or my husband because I have a life away from that. Talk to me about shopping, True Blood, Game of Thrones, new movies... hell GOSSIP about other people so I can giggle, but don't be a constant downer. It is ok to have moments, but not 24/7 moments.

So yeah... whew... been a while since I had a good rant! On all of that I will leave you with this:

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Friday Moment... Blog

I have been out for a while. My husband came home for R&R last week and we left a week ago to spend time together in Garmisch. Garmisch is in Bavaria, Germany; nestled within the Bavarian Alps it provided a beautiful, relaxing time for all of us. We stayed at the Edelweiss Lodge and Resort, which is an American resort for military and military retirees. I actually got a swimming suit and spent quite a bit of time in the hot tub and pool!

We spent about 5 hours driving to the resort, and while we were there my husband and I went to the Neuschwanstein castle, the kids, my husband and I went to the Linderhoff palace, my husband and I visited a monastery and cheese factory, we all went indoor rock climbing, and we drove to Berchtesgaden to visit the salt mines. I wanted to go to the Eagle's Nest, but we were running short on time in order to get back to the resort in time for dinner reservations.

So here are some pictures of our almost week long stay in Bavaria:
My husband and I at Neuschwanstein Castle

My husband and I in Austria. The mountain behind us is the Zugspitz.

Me posing.. I feel so sexy!
My daughter and I at the Linderhoff

Husband and I in front of the Venus statue at the Linderhoff

"Front Yard" at the Linderhoff

"Moorish Kiosk"

My son cheesing for the camera!

The Linderhoff Palace from behind

The monastery

The monks make beer and liquor. He was in heaven!

Used for the Oktoberfest parade

At the salt mines in Berchtesgaden

Everyone loved the slide. My husband and I are not in the picture because he let go to pose... see where trying to be cool gets you? Out of the shot....
We all had a great time. My husband did not want to leave. We returned home yesterday and I was worried about gaining weight in the week we were gone because of all the fatty goodness I had been devouring. Good news is I did not gain anything! I did not lose anything either, but now I ma back home, can eat like I was before, and go to the gym...

Bad news is I have to return to work next week... the last week my husband will be here... but they are being oh so nice enough to let me have the day off that my husband has to fly back. Fuckers.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


It's been a bit, and I apologize for taking so long to make this post... now I am 2 posts behind!!!!

On my final day of the weekend in Stuttgart I decided to visit the residential palace and the gardens in Ludwigsburg. My feet hurt a little from getting lost at Baronschlossle, so I put on my tennis shoes and headed out.

I found a nice quiet residential street to park my monster and walked up to the palace.

The palace was HUGE! I walked through the gates and into the courtyard where I was in awe of the magnificence of the baroque style palace.

I wanted to see the gardens that I had read about online, so I started to walk towards the back gate. I had to pay to get in, but it was just me so I gladly paid.

I walked into some gardens and heard some accordion music. How German is that for you?

What follows is the gardens and everything around the area... no words, just beauty!

Looks a little evil, dunnit?

I kinda felt like I was in the raptor cage in Jurassic Park

After I left these gardens I found the fairy-tale garden. I had so much fun here! There was something to see from all of Grimm's fairy-tales and more!

Rapunzel's tower
There is her blonde braid....

Snow White
She was behind this magic mirror
It tells the kids in German what to say to activate the mirror...

This is supposed to be the whale that ate Pinocchio... a boat ride would take you into it's mouth (I think), but I think it looks like a fish.

The witch's Gingerbread house

The witch

 After I left the fairy-tale garden I came upon the last garden. It was here I was able to see the "Favorite Place".

 I did not go over there because by this time I had been walking around for 2 and a half hours and my feet were killing me, but that was ok because where I was sat the last garden I was to see that day right up against the palace.

The place was amazing. I walked three hours in total exploring the gardens alone. When I got back "home" I took off my shoes to discover a huge blister on each pinkie toe the size of my pinkie toe! You know what? It was so worth it.

Last weekend I went to a medieval festival with my two little ones and a friend... so until I write about that (Hopefully in the next few days) let me leave you with this:

“True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body; the two are ever united.”~ Humboldt