Sunday, December 18, 2011

Some people should not reproduce....

The following is (I swear it is) a real and true conversation between a friend of mine and an ex-facebook friend of hers. She never met this person in real life... but I SWEAR THIS IS NOT MADE UP!!!


The first half is the original version, if it makes your head want to explode there is an English version below it- translated for the majority :) Names abbreviated to protect the stupid....

Original Version:

AD-Hi

JT-How r u

AD- Good, you?

JT- notso good :(

AD- Sorry to hear that. :(

JT-Ya do ya wana no y i don feel good

AD- Sure.

JT- well i juss got home from the hospitle 2 ours ago.

AD- Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT- wat happened was i 4got to take furst tampon out n shoved a secund 1 in ha ha

AD - Um... wow

JT- so den i tryed use thurd to get dem out that did not work so i used forth

AD- o.O

JT- Tryed 2 get drew my bf 2 pull dem owt but his hand only go in most the way n get stuk

AD- Are you messing with me? Seriously, are you?

JT- Wat u meen

AD- Nevermind.. Then what happened?

JT- Culdnt get dem owt but he did find too rubers up in ther

AD- Well, that's good I guess.

JT- I was in pane 4 3 days had to use pads n pads hurt y wuld ne1 want to use sumthin tat uncufrutabel lol

AD- And the FOUR tampons shoved up inside you did hurt?

JT- not reele but i did start to get bad sick so i had to go to the hospitle n they pulled dem owt n on top of all tat i know have diahorrea n my bf dumpt me 4 my sister cuz he sed i pussy was 2 lose for hims dik how culd he say tat

AD- Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT- How can u b so meen i is sereus n tryin 2 vent to sum1

AD- I'm sorry, not trying to be. It's just that this all sounds like a joke or something. 

JT- it ok juss emoshinal rite know ya no
wat wurss is tat my babee sister is preggo wit me babee know

AD- Say what?

JT- ya he cheeted on me n know she preggo n it has 2 b my babee

AD- Um... I think you mean she is pregnant with his baby?

JT- Ya it his babee it his n MY babee

AD- That would make the baby his and hers. It would be THEIR baby. How on earth could it be yours?

JT- We had sex duh tat how babees r maid lol

AD- Seriously?

JT- Ya n she only 16 she 2 yung to be havin babees n shit sumhow he must hav suked up 1 of my eggs n put it up in her n now she bitsh is gunna have my babee n i will be lonee 4eva n they get 2 b happi 

AD- That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it would NOT be your kid at all. 

JT- y dose everewon take his side U juss MEEN BITSH juss delete me know if u gunna b meen

AD- I hope this is all just one big elaborate joke. But based upon your spelling and grammar, But I seriously doubt it.

AD- You have somehow reached a level of moron in which I have in my life never encountered before. And hope never to encounter again. Also, I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in and of itself. You are a marvel to the intellectual world.

JT- wat


English Version-

JT: Hey

AD: Hi

JT: How are you?

AD: Good, you?

JT: Not so good.

AD: Sorry to hear that.

JT: Do you want to know why I don't feel good?

AD: Sure.

JT: Well, I just got home from the hospital 2 hrs ago.

AD: Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT: What happened was, I shoved a second tampon up, but forgot to take the second one out.

AD: Um.. wow

JT: So then I tried using a third one to remove the two, and when that didn't work, I used a 4th.

AD: O.o

JT: I tried to get my boyfriend to pull them out, but he could only get his hand in so far.

AD: Are you messing with me?

JT: What do you mean?

AD: Nevermind... Then what happened?

JT: He couldn't get them out, but he did find 2 rubbers in there.

AD: that's good I guess.

AD: So then what happened?

JT: I was in pain for 3 days. I had to use pads. Pads hurt. Why would anyone want to use something that uncomfortable?

AD: And four tampons didn't hurt?

JT: Not really. But I did start to get sick. So I had to go to the hospital and they pulled them out. And on top of it all, I now have diarrhea and my boyfriend dumped me for my sister because he said I was too loose. How could he say that? 

AD: Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT: How can you be so insensitive? I'm serious, and trying to vent to someone. 

AD: Sorry, not trying to be.

JT: I'm just a little emotional right now, it's ok.

JT: What's worse is, my little sister is now prego with my baby.

AD: Say what?

JT: Yeah, he cheated on me, and now she is prego, and it has to be my kid.

AD: Don't you mean with his kid?

JT: Of course it would be his kid. His and MINE.

AD: That would make it his and her's. How could it be yours?

JT: We have had sex, duh.

AD: Seriously?

JT: Yeah, and she is only 16. She's too young to have kids. He must have sucked up one of my eggs and put it in her. Now she is going to have my kid and I will end up all alone.

AD: That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it wouldn't be your kid at all. 

JT: Why does everyone keep taking his side. You are Fucking bitch for taking their side. You should just delete me.

AD: I hope this is just an elaborate joke, but based upon your spelling, I seriously doubt it. 

AD: You have reached a level of moron in which I have never encountered before in my life. I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in itself. 

JT: What?


2 comments:

rebecca said...

WOOOOWWWWWW! Seriously? People really wonder why this country is getting dumber and dumber. But until people actually start using their brains, it makes for great entertainment

Kang Jo said...

I like this... Nice post...