Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year and new pics...

Well it is New Years Eve. I have a brisket in the crock pot for the kids dinner, and soon I will start making deviled eggs for the party tonight with friends (can't wait to use my new camera!).

Next year is going to bring new things (of course) but things I am not looking forward to. SGT Jekyll is going to be deployed, and I will be here alone with the kids. I just need to find things to do aside from drinking to keep me occupied.

I will be finishing my bachelors degree and probably starting on my masters degree (not sure in what yet), and hopefully will find some work that will let me use my degrees. I plan on losing weight (don't we all?) because this is just getting ridiculous. I have my Zumba DVD's here and will start using those as soon as my knee is well enough to handle it... till then bike at the gym?

My daughter made this bird house a few years ago... I love it.

Can you tell I am having fun with my new camera??

On a side note, this is what I want for Christmas next year....

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Good and the Asshole

Years ago I woke up around 4 am with the most extreme abdominal pain I have ever had. I literally felt like I was in labor... but I was not pregnant. My husband at the time took me into the ER, I was taken back very fast, and the doctor was AWESOME!!! He got me drugged up, checked out, sent to ultrasound, and had a diagnosis within a few hours. I had a cyst on each ovary that had ruptured. Bed rest for a week, no cleaning, no dishes (Quick, make sure my husband hears this!!!).

A few months later I had the same thing happen. Same pain, OMG this shit hurt. I go back to the ER and tell them that it feels like a cyst. I was asked how I know what that feels like... "umm... because I was here a few months ago with the same damn thing!" Sorry, I get mean and bitchy when I am in pain.

This time the ER doc I got was someone different, he was an asshole. Really. I hated him. He does not believe that I know what I am feeling. He makes my husband leave the room for the pelvic exam (why? I dunno, this has never been asked of him before, even by my personal doctor) he gives me a pelvic exam and says "It is really swollen down here." Yeah, I figured considering last time this happened I could not even wear my jeans because I was so swollen and tender... makes sense that INTERNALLY I would be the same, eh? No, he seems to think I have PID. Now I KNOW that I do not have PID, and I tell him this... he argues with me, I say whatever. Two hours after I got to the ER and the nurse comes in with an entire weeks Z Pack to take at ONCE and a shot of antibiotics on top of that!!! Really. I told her I did not want an antibiotic, I did not need an antibiotic, I did not have PID!!! She says "The doctor thinks you need it." All I wanted was the pain to go away... the nurse told me that if I took the pills for infection she would talk to the doctor about something for the pain. I took them... I got pain relief.

Around 4 hours after I got the antibiotics the doctor pops his head into the door of my room and says he wants to do an ultrasound to check for cysts. WTF?!?!?! He says he can get the tech in at 8 or 9 am so I would have to wait till then.

Me: I cannot wait that long, I have to get my kids to school in the morning and I am supposed to start a new job tomorrow morning!!!
Dr. Asshole: Well, I think it is really important that you get this done.
Me: Well, if it is so fucking important that I get it done you would get someone in here now, wouldn't you?
Dr. Asshole: *silence...* I'll see what I can do.

Keep in mind I yelled this loud enough I am sure the entire emergency room (staff and patients) could hear me.

Within an hour I was having the ultrasound and SURE ENOUGH I had ANOTHER ruptured cyst. I was released with pain meds and told to follow up with my doctor if it got worse. Now what happens to a female if she takes a shit ton of antibiotics? Mmmm-hmmm. I called my doc to see if I could get a diflucan tablet and a cream to relieve the discomfort. While I was on the phone with the nurse she told me my test results were in and everything was normal; no infection, nothing. I told her "Yeah, I know this. I told the doctor I did not have PID. I told him I did not want antibiotics. He did not listen to me."

She apologized, got the script I needed called in, and I filed a complaint against the doctor with the hospital. Asshole.

Spider bite and MRSA

Ok, from reading Nurse K's blog I COMPLETELY understand the kind of crap ER nurses have to go through on a daily (and nightly) basis. I have seen people using the ER for their personal clinic "*cough, cough, sniffle*- I am dying" and I have to admit, when I was younger I probably did a few times as well until I learned better (Sorry nurses and doctors- I really am). That being said there are a few ER stories that stick out in my head, here is one:

While moving from Nebraska to Colorado I was bitten by a brown recluse (probably right before I moved). I noticed a bite mark and ignored it thinking it was just a little thing, but within 3-4 days almost 50% of my thigh was red, swollen, and tender. I took a bath and since the bite area was soft I decided to try to get some of the infection out. OMG, the pus would not stop! I got as much as I could out and went to the ER because, you know, this was NOT normal!

I stopped at the front desk and told the lady there that I was bitten by a brown recluse. She tells me "Honey, there are no brown recluses in Colorado", I tell her "Honey, I was not bitten in Colorado. I was bitten in Nebraska." She says "Oh, I thought I had good news for you." I replied "Mmm-hmm."

I am taken back to triage and tell the nurse about the bite. I say "Look!" and she says "No, I do not need to see it." I tell her that I WANT her to see it so that she does not think it is some tiny little bite. She looks at it, says "OHMYGOD" I say "Yeah..." and she sends me back to the waiting area. Within 30 min or so (pretty fast considering the size of the ER) I am taken back and the nurse says to me: "Let's see this spider bite..."

I took my pants off and she sees it, and I shit you not says: "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!"

This made me laugh so hard, she apologized, said she was not expecting that, she was expecting something smaller. I told her not to be sorry, it made me laugh and made me feel better (I am always afraid I might be making something more out of what it is really is).

The doctor comes in, says he has never treated a brown recluse bite before. I told him my ex-boyfriend had been bitten a while back and I had to drag him in to the ER for treatment (as the flesh in his leg was slowly being eaten away...). The doc asked me what treatment he got there, I told him, he says "So THAT is what we are going to do!".

Um, ok...

About a week later I get another spot on my tummy that looked like a spider bite, but it was not... turned out it was MRSA- the pus was just as disgusting. This diagnosis scared the hell out of me... how the FUCK did I get MRSA???? I got a tube in my belly to drain the infection, and 2 different types of antibiotic. Fun times.

American vs. German Healthcare

For the past few days I have been reading a blog of an ER nurse, Nurse K. I have to say it has given me a lot of insight as to why the nurses and some doctors act as they do, and it reminded me of a few stories on my own... before I go into those stories I would like to give some insight on German vs. American care:

I have to say I am never having arthroscopic knee surgery or ANYTHING done on the German economy EVER AGAIN!! The American people take for granted the care they get Stateside. Bitch all you want about American doctors and care, but there is a quality of care that comes with the American healthcare system that does not come with other systems in the world.

I shared a room with FOUR little old ladies before and after my surgery. My surgeon never came to see me before OR after my surgery. The nurses handed me a gown, fishnet panties (gotta love those), a pill, and a syringe and told me to take them at 9 am... uh... there was no clock in the room. Still to this day (a month after surgery) I have no idea what was done in there, all I know is I might have had cartilage removed... I wake up with my entire leg wrapped in an ace bandage and a drain tube in my knee attached to a blue bottle.

I asked for my husband, he came in and was drinking coffee... I wanted coffee. I drank some coffee because I refuse to drink that bubbly water the Germans seem to love so much. The little old lay in the bed directly across from me gave me a chocolate bar, which I ate... I had nothing to eat or drink all day up to this point, and no one said I could not eat or drink. I knew that the anesthesia could make me sick, so I sipped everything slow, and nibbled very slowly on the chocolate (hey it made Harry Potter feel better after the Dementors got hold of him, so it should make me feel better too).

I was in PAIN, and they threatened to make me stay the night because I was in pain. I yelled that maybe if they gave me something for pain it would not hurt so much! They gave me something (some shot) and I worked through the pain to get to the bathroom, then out to the hall "Look, I am up... I want to go home." They told me anesthesia needed to release me first, so I needed to go downstairs to have them release me... so I did... they asked me if I could walk... uhhhh... are you fucking kidding me? They told me to go upstairs and get crutches from the ward where I was... so I went back upstairs with my file signed from anesthesia. "I need crutches so I can go home."

German nurse: Ve have no crutches.... for YOU. You need to go to Landstuhl to get crutches.
Me: Uh huh... fine... do I have medicine to take home?

She hands me three syringes that she tries to explain is a blood thinner, and that I need to give myself one shot  in the stomach every morning. She also hands me eight tablets of 400mg ibuprofen for pain... she says Germans do not give anything stronger, or cannot... whatever, and tells me to come back in 48 hours to have the tube removed from my knee. I figured since I have to drive an hour to the Landstuhl hospital anyway, I will have what I need taken care of there. I was just pissed that I had to leave one hospital to go to another one to get the care that I needed. They gave me a slip of paper that I was told explained what they did and sent on my way.

My husband and I got to Landstuhl and when he wheeled me in the ER I told the guy at the front desk that I needed crutches and pain pills. I explained that I JUST had surgery and what the German hospital did (and did not do). He tells me that they will "fix me right up", and goes to get me crutches (brand new and still in the plastic.. shiny). He put me on fast track, I got my triage done, and was sent to the waiting area. My husband got a soda and I begged him for a drink... I was so thirsty.

Within 5-10 minutes the doctor calls me back and I go through my story of what happened. I told her I never wanted to go back to the German hospital again, I was not thrilled with the quality of care I received. She said I could come back to the ER in 48 hours so that they could remove the tube, she was German and could read the paper that the German hospital gave me and said "This tells me nothing! This says they removed a few pieces of broken cartilage... that is it." She seemed annoyed with what happened to me as well, and that made me feel better. She gave me a prescription for percocets, told my husband where the pharmacy was and sent me on my way. I went outside to smoke (yeah, I know... leave me alone), and when I wheeled myself back in I felt sick. I asked the front desk for a bucket thing, they emptied one they were using for supplies of some sort, gave it to me, and I promptly vomited. Just then my husband shows up and asks me if I am ready to go... uhh... I got sick dude. He wheels me to the bathroom, cleans out the bucket, and we were on our way.

Once I got home my son was waiting outside for me and tried to help me get down the stairs. I did good on the first set of stairs, but on the second I lost footing and put weight on my leg that was just operated on. OH MY FUCKING GOD THE PAIN!!!! I screamed so loud all of my neighbors came out of the house. My neighbor came out and helped carry me to the door, and I went straight to the sofa, laid down, took a pill, and cried.

I never went back to the surgeon who worked on my knee, I refuse to... if he cannot take a few minutes out of his day to come see me and tell me what happened after the surgery then why would I go back to have him follow up on care I barely got in the first place?

I went to the Landstuhl ER to have the tube removed, which hurt... 5" of tube in my knee, but oh it felt so much better once the tube was out! I could move better, 50% less pain, and no bottle attached to my pants getting in the way!!! I followed up the next day (Monday) with my doctor and 2 weeks later started physical therapy. I am now in physical therapy to try to strengthen up my thigh muscles, driving again (finally), and walking without crutches or even a cane.

At some point my other knee needs work, but I will wait till everyone deploys so that I can go to Landstuhl to have it done. Fuck the German economy.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Hot Topic rocks my socks!!!!

Ok, so I have a confession... I have an obsession. I am obsessed with Invader Zim, more specifically I love GiR. Who is GiR? Only the cutest robot dressed as a dog ever!!! I have been upset because when I shopped on Amazon they had stuff from Hot Topic, but when I added it to my cart I was charged more in shipping than the actual product! Finally today I pulled my head out of my ass and went to the Hot Topic website and found out that their shipping charges were NOT that expensive (less than $9 for what I ordered)... so I got me a few late x-mas gifts :)

Since I do not know how to show what I got through Hot Topic I will show you here from Amazon what I got because I am so pleased.

And since Amazon does not seem to be carrying the other things I got... here are links to the GiR Hoodie and the GiR Lanyard (to match my tattoo). I got 25% off of my purchase and I am so stoked to get my Invader Zim paraphernalia!!! I lurve Hot Topic!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Bless us All... and bless my camera!

Christmas Eve found us with friends over and a simple yet yummy dinner (and wine!). The snow was blowing and drifting, but oh we had fun! The kids unwrapped their Christmas Eve PJ's and took their showers... all was quiet and bed looked good.

The kids woke me up at 8am and we all piled downstairs for the morning festivities. First... I need coffee! The kids were happy with their gifts, and I did not take many pictures because The Oldest became annoyed and The Daughter was in tears because she slept wrong and her neck was stiff. The Youngest was ready to pose and in a good mood.

I had a wonderful Christmas with the family, I got my Big Girl camera and a really cool digital photo frame that hooks up to the internet, Facebook, etc...

I have been running all over the house this morning (no easy feat with my knee still swollen and sore from the surgery) taking pictures of everything just to see how it looks and get used to the controls and features.
Cow clogs

Murlock- a talking one :)
Cow Bank

Key Holder

Husband's Patrol Cap...
and the day is not over yet... there is still Christmas dinner, movies, and games in the future for today with friends once again!

So, final Christmas merriment vid for your viewing pleasure!

Friday, December 24, 2010

One More Sleep till Christmas...

The bread dough is rising on the stove, the pumpkin pie is in the oven, and the cherry pie is almost ready to go in... I am thinking I want to make some sort of dessert for tonight, but not sure what...

The husband is off braving the roads in the snow to check the mail, and basically stay out of my way. The house is for the most part clean, just need to sweep the floors from my baking mess. I am looking forward to the next few days. I hope all of my friends and everyone else in the world remembers the meaning of Christmas. It is not what you get, it is what you give (and not the material shit). It is who you are with and what you do. Cherish the time you have with your loved ones... you never know what the future brings. Next Christmas will be spent without my husband, so I want this one to be full of wonderful memories. It is not about the presents under the tree, but the gift of friendship and family that makes the holiday so special.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

It's Christmas Eve!!! Sorta... maybe not quite...

OK, technically it is Christmas Eve (day... kinda) over here since it is past midnight... but for my Stateside folks, there is still 2 days till Christmas (or a day and a half... whatever).

Today I FINALLY made Runza's; my craving is satisfied. I am also shocked that SGT Jekyll ate the Runza's when he says he HATES cabbage! I am that good. Tomorrow I clean and bake all day. Soooo close to Christmas, and I am SHOCKED that people are still out there shopping! Nothing like the last minute, eh? Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas Eve... I will post my Christmas Eve blog, and prolly a Christmas Day one too. I live on the computer, BACK OFF!

I am still waiting on the DVD's that I ordered from Amazon, but due to the massive snow we got here I am pretty certain it is a bit delayed. Here's to hoping they will be here tomorrow *crosses fingers*

Christmas Merriment for you!!! I know you were waiting for this....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

We wish you a Merry Jingly

Three more days till Christmas and things are going well. SGT Jekyll has calmed down and back in the happy family mood (thank goodness). We spent today at Physical Therapy and when we pulled in home my "oldest friend" (meaning the first person I met here in Germany because we came at the same time and rode the same bus) was right behind us and gave me a bottle of gl├╝hwein. I have heard a lot about this wine. Apparently it is a wine that is meant to be heated and drank like cider, but it will get you drunk :)

I am saving it for Christmas eve when she and her husband will be over for dinner. They will also be over for dinner Christmas Day. I am really looking forward to this holiday with family and friends- we have never had anyone over before, but there is always room for new traditions! I am excited to share this time of year with people I really do care a lot about (not to mention that I will not be the only one cooking for the first time in EVER!).

So tomorrow I am making Runza's (I swear), Friday I am making bread and desserts (SGT Jekyll is making the ham), and Saturday I am making the turkey and whatever else I feel like baking... I love to bake :)

So, on with the Christmas cheer: Here is a clip of my favorite cartoon's Christmas special.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Other than tons of snow, where is Christmas?

Four more days. It is coming fast, and for some reason it does not even feel like Christmas. I think my oldest son hit the nail on the head... we look outside and nothing. No color, no lights, no decorations. Just plain and BLAH! It is not like the States where everyone is doing everything to excess, where you can see a neighborhood glow brighter than normal. Christmas is done differently here I guess.

I am trying to find some Christmas joy, and to be honest it is hard to do. Maybe if I get this house cleaned up, start baking, kick the kids off the PS3 and only allow Christmas shows and movies on tv it will seem better round here. Maybe if I can get SGT Killjoy to stop focusing on all the little things and the upcoming deployment, and get him focused on the spirit of the season and the memories we WANT to make he will relax. Ugh... anyone have ideas?

With that I will leave you with another Christmassy video clip... enjoy!

Achmed Sings Christmas Songs - Watch more Funny Videos

Monday, December 20, 2010

5 More days. What does it mean to you?

I know to a lot of you (ok maybe not) Christmas is the holiday in which you commemorate the birth of Jesus... by purchasing gifts for everyone else... because isn't that what Jesus would do? Yeah well, I am a firm believer in the pretty basic knowledge that Jesus was not born in December. Christmas is actually a holiday that was created to outshine the Pagan celebration of the Winter Solstice. Brumalia was an ancient Roman solstice festival honoring Baccchus (I had a dog named Bacchus once, he was awesome), generally held for a month and ending December 25. The festival included drinking and merriment. The name is derived from the Latin word bruma, meaning "shortest day" or "winter solstice". The festivities almost always occurred on the night of December 24.

I remember reading somewhere that a person said that Christmas was a time to be thankful for your friends, and family. Another person said "No, you have that confused with Thanksgiving. Christmas is a time for greed and resentment." That made me laugh, because it was funny... and true. Christmas has become a holiday of how much you can buy, or how much you can get. In all honesty I don't care what I get for Christmas (though I will be pleased no matter what it is). I told my husband I did not want anything, I did not need anything... I have everything I want and need. When pressed to make a decision I stated I wanted a new camera, a big girl camera. But in all honesty I just want the time together as a family, to be happy, to make good memories since you never know what will happen in the next year (aside from the hubby being gone for Christmas next year due to a deployment). 

I was raised Jewish. I never remember a Christmas ever (even though there was a photo of me and a tree before we converted), and when we moved to Colorado I can remember being taken to the gym in Falcon Elementary school where the entire school was gathered to sing Christmas Carols. I remember looking around and wondering "How do all these people know the words to the songs and how the song goes?" I did not know one Christmas carol, not Rudolph, not Santa Clause is coming to Town, nothing.... poor little Jewish girl. Anyway, since I was not raised in the Christian faith, the Christian meaning of Christmas means nothing to me. I celebrate Christmas to be a time of family, tradition, feast, and love. Just because I am not a Christian does not mean I cannot celebrate it, and it does not mean that the time of year holds no meaning to me. Like Ebeneezer Scrooge said (though in different context): "Keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine."

And one of these days I WILL be buying this for my son... I hope it comes in adult size!!!!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2010


I love this view!!!!
Last night I was watching some awful old movie about The Unsinkable Molly Brown. It was a musical, and for some reason I could not stop watching it... after it was done I came downstairs to have a cigarette and opened the door to find about 4 more inches of snow!!! I love snow, and I love the way it looks when it is falling. The previous night we had received another 4 inches of snow or so, and I am thrilled that we have almost a foot of snow now! It is supposed to snow more, and supposed to snow everyday for at least another 5 days... as I am typing now it started snowing again! 

While I am loving the snow, there are many families here that are trying to get home for the holidays and are not able to. Frankfurt has had to cancel HUNDREDS of flights out, and thousands of people are stranded at the airport. That is sad considering many of those people are soldiers about to deploy and really need that family time before they leave for a year. My husband wanted to go back to the States for Christmas, but airfare for 5 of us isn't really within our budget. 

I believe I am going to make snow ice cream with the kids here in a bit. I cannot believe they are 10 and 11 years old (and my oldest is 19) and I have never made snow ice cream with any of them before! I am excited because I remember doing that with my mother before she passed away, and I want my children to have memories of me like that too when they get older. I want them to know there is more to childhood than video games and World of Warcraft (and now I am officially the only one in this house that does not play WoW). 

If you would like to try snow ice cream (hopefully you have the snow like we do), I found a recipe online here. Have fun guys!!! Let my know what fun "Snow Day" activities you have with your kids!!!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

SGT Over-Analyzer

Sometimes, I swear... my husband drives me nuts. When we watch movies together there is not one time EVER that we have ever been able to watch a movie without him jumping up and over-analyzing things, then proceeds to lecture us about whatever it is... then it goes onto money, then food, then lights left on, then kids rooms, then the "When I was a kid" speeches... ugh... yeah. So this afternoon we watched a movie, and this is what happened:

SGT Over-Analyzer:  See! This is the problem in todays Army! No one has respect for their superiors! Complete blah diddly blah diddly blah (to be honest I stopped listening).

Me: It is a MOVIE! Sit down, shut up and WATCH IT!!!

SGT Over-Analyzer: No! I have seen ENOUGH!

Now, wanna know what movie it was? Hurt Locker? no.. any other "Realistic" Army movie? Wrong again... it was The A-Team. He eventually sat down, shut up, and enjoyed the movie.

So when we watched "The Other Guys" this evening I was prepared for another tirade... no tirade, but it started some other nonsensical story.


So many quote worthy lines!!!!

Other than that he will complain that we eat all the food, or we don't eat it and it goes bad (no-win situation my man). He wants to be left alone, why does no one talk to him? I have resorted to making fun of him to point out how insane he is being. How he is tired of everyone whining, bitching, and complaining... but he does it more than anyone. I swear it is a miracle that I have all my hair (maybe he lost his for the both of us?). 

Through it all, I love the man, I know what kind of heart he has... and with my poking fun at him he is (very slowly) learning how to laugh at life, himself, and relax a bit (but not too much). I was amazed when i moved something in the kitchen (away from the heater so that I could turn it on) and he LIKED IT! OMG!!! I did something he LIKED!!! The problem with that is when he sees something in a new place he wants to move MORE! DO MORE! KEEP MAKING THINGS BETTER!! UGH!!!!

Only 6 more sleeps till Christmas... and since it is almost 12:30AM now I plan on going to bed. 

Christmas Memory... I love my family!

One more week till Christmas. It is harder to keep my husband away from the gifts than it is the kids!

Hubby: Can we open one gift tonight??

Me: NO! Go away!

Hubby: Humph!
I believe this may have been Draco as a Kitten

So we have lots of snow outside... I LOVE it. It means that we are going to have a White Christmas! I have lived in Nebraska and Colorado, but having a Christmas with lots of snow on the ground, or a Christmas when it actually SNOWED?!?!?! I can't remember when that has happened.

Last Christmas it was just cold and icy out. There was a little bit of snow on the ground. We were still in Colorado and all of our Christmas decorations were on a ship somewhere on their way to Germany. The hubby and I got the kids clothes for Christmas (easier to pack), we let them open their gifts in the morning, Googled places to eat that were open on Christmas day, and were happy that IHOP was open.We had dinner at IHOP and then went to Tinseltown and watched Avatar and Sherlock Holmes.

It was almost like being a practicing Jew again! More importantly, we were having fun as a family. That day was definitely about spending time together and being happy. That is a Christmas I will forever remember as the best Christmas ever.

Friday, December 17, 2010

8 more days.. STOP SPENDING!!!

My husband and I went out shopping today because he thought we needed more food... we got a bunch of junk... except for when we went to the Shopette and I bought six containers of pumpkin spiced coffee creamer. Hey, it is a seasonal item and the commissary does not carry it. I want this stuff to last a bit!

He also decided that we were not done Christmas shopping, ugh... I swear for how stingy he is he sure does like to spend money! But it usually ends up with him buying whatever looks flashy and cool, then bitching about how "we are expensive" (meaning me and the kids). He did end up buying something that was for our youngest son, a PSPgo or something like that. It is smaller than a regular PSP and you download all the games... hmm... nice, except I had already got the kid a DSi. So hubby decided it was going to be a gift for himself... I made him return it (hell, the hubster already has a PSP!!!). I convinced him he REALLY did not have to have it.

Since he is deploying again in a few months he thinks this might be the last Christmas he will ever have with us, so he is bound and determined to make it the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!! To him it means buying everything they could ever want now and in the future so that in future Christmases there will be nothing left to buy. Either way, his theory bothers me greatly.

So, there are 8 more days till Christmas. I still have not made the Challah or Latkas... maybe tomorrow? I need to keep the husband from wanting to go anywhere tomorrow. It is not even 7 pm and I am exhausted... so I will leave you with some Christmas cheer!

Baa Baa Blacksheep...

So last night I get an IM on my Facebook from my brother. There are quite a few nicknames I can choose for him, but I believe the nicest one would have to be "Blacksheep". Blacksheep sends me and IM saying he really needs me to call him right away, that he really needs to talk to me. Normally when he says this it means "I am bored and want to talk to you.", but this time it was different.

I call up Blacksheep and he says that he needs a favor. The conversation that follows goes something like this:

Blacksheep: I found out I have a warrant and I have no money to pay it. There is a company that is willing to hire me as soon as I take care of the warrant. I have no job, but if you can help me out I will pay you back as soon as I start working.

Me: Blacksheep, you have picked the WRONG time of year for this. It is Christmas, and we do not have the money to help you out. Wait... how much is it?

Blacksheep: Around $375

Me: Yikes, yeah... we do not have it. Is there anyone else that can loan it to you? What happened to your job?

Blacksheep: I don't know anyone else. I mean I asked Dad for money before... There was this company that said they were going to hire me, they said I had to give notice on my other job, I did, then I went to Texas to work with them and when I got there they said I have had too many jobs in the past two years and they would not hire me. I have no money, no where to live. I don't know what to do.

Me: No where to live? What happened with Holly?

Blacksheep: Her boyfriend did not like me staying there, so I had to leave. **Note: He was staying in a trailer outside of his ex's house**

Me: So where are you now?

Blacksheep: Staying with a friend in Hastings for tonight, after that I have no where to go.

Me: Blacksheep, you need to go find a job outside of trucking. There are a lot of temp jobs around this time of year just for the holidays. Make some money, pay off the warrant, and go get that job you want. Sell some of your things to get money.

Blacksheep: I have nothing to sell! Then where to I go? Where do I sleep?

Me: I don't know... I cannot help you. I am too far away to do anything. Sorry.

I feel bad for him, but at the same time I don't. He said the warrant was for a bounced check back in 2004 (and blamed his ex wife for that). He has borrowed from my father, my aunt, and God knows who else... at some point you burn all your bridges.

I mean, back in October he came out here to visit. He lost his job before he came out here and came with $700 for two weeks; not a lot of money for two weeks in Germany. I tried to take him around to see the sights that was within my budget, not charging him for gas or food while he was here. I covered it all as best as I could (not easy working with just my husband's paycheck and 3 kids). He even brought someone out with him and was paying their way... not smart. On top of everything his car broke down right before he flew out, so when he got back he had no money, no job, no where to live and no vehicle. He called my aunt who loaned him money for a hotel till he could do orientation with this company he said he had a job with, but that job "fell through", then he called my dad who loaned him money to get to Nebraska where he stayed in a trailer outside his ex's house. Trust me, I heard all about how loaning a man money who JUST got back from a vacation to Germany was a bitter pill to swallow (and I have to agree). Everyone is struggling and scraping to make ends meet and there is someone who just got back from Europe begging for money? Hmmm...

He got a job, quit that job for the one mentioned above in Texas, and when he went back to his old job and they asked him if he was going to keep looking for another job away from there and quit on them again he said "Yes.", so they said "We are not going to hire you back."

I find it sad that a 38 year old man has no job, no home, no money... has been in this situation many times before, and still refuses to learn from his mistakes. If he is continued to be bailed out he will never learn... and maybe even then he won't.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Textual Healing

I was up till 3am pissed off and butthurt, yes it was over the same shit I have been upset about for the past almost 3 weeks (hey, I hold a grudge!). Finally I chatted online with a few friends and one of them told me just to talk to the friends that hurt my feelings. I needed to get it off of my chest, and it would be a way for me to find out who really cares. So since it was so late/ early, depending on whether you were waking up or going to bed, I decided to email them and tell them how I felt.

It was a good release, and I was able to put my thoughts down somewhat coherently considering I had been drinking some wine to calm down (I was sobbing like a little bitch). The next morning one friend emailed me back, and this afternoon the other friend called me (since I was not home and did not get her emails). Both apologized and said there was no excuse for not visiting or calling, I felt much better. I have forgiven them for that and am going to try to move on now.

This is the Christmas season. A time of year to be joyous, loving, and caring. Not a time for drama, tears, and deceit. Through this I have learned who I can trust, who I cannot, and who is real. I learned that if I am hurt I need to speak up right away no matter how afraid I am of hurting the other persons feelings... if I do not then I am just destroying myself inside. I also know that sometimes if you do not say anything, some people might not notice or remember what is going on in your life; don't expect them to without you saying something, that is the mistake I made. Sitting around and sulking makes nothing better.

On that note, I feel so much better tonight than I have in weeks. My husband and I were able to help a family in need by towing them out of being stuck on the road (snow and ice). He was so excited to be helping others he wanted to go right back out and find other people to rescue!!! Tomorrow I am going to do the baking I never got a chance to do today since I was gone all day with my husband and daughter.. maybe. Right now I am so tired I am not sure how I am even still awake!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

9 More days! Are you all ready???

9 More days till Christmas! I spent last night watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carrey version), and pulled out all of the Christmas movies I have here. Even though it is a Jewish thing I am making Challah bread and Latkas today, and will continue on to watch more Christmas movies! So to carry on with something every day (apart from below where I have shown what I recently purchased), here is a Christmassy video!

I decided that the movies I have here at the house are not enough for Christmas time, so I just recently bought a bunch of DVD's on Amazon for Christmas... here is what I got. If you want any of these just click on the picture and it will take you straight to Amazon! I highly recommend them since they back up every purchase you make (whether through them or a private seller).

I also have a few movies that I owned previously that are some of my FAVORITES!

I have a lot more, but these are my favorite ones...

12 Days of Christmas (10 Days away)

Christmas is never Christmas without the Muppets! I have my favorite movies, and I think to count down the days to Christmas I will post something Christmassy each day... 10 days left!

What is your favorite Christmas Movie?


Another day of physical therapy on my knee and I am making noticeable progress... I can almost see my kneecap! I realized on my first day of PT that my leg muscles were really weak and just using my thigh muscles to lift my leg straight up was almost impossible. I kept using my knee muscles which would create an intense stabby pinchy  feeling right under my knee (yes I cried my first PT appointment).

By the way... stabby pinchy is the medical term.

I have one pain pill left, and after that I am resorting to wine.

Aside from that I ordered my favorite New Age music CD from Pure Moods. I HIGHLY recommend it. I have loved this CD since my oldest son (now 19 years old) was maybe 6 years old. You should check it out... the music is relaxing and I can listen to it over and over and never get tired of it.

First step, text messages, next step, the WORLD!

I give high praise to this site that was able to make me laugh so hard I cried... Damn You Auto Correct is a site that posts images of pics that people have sent in of their iPhone, or whatever SmartPhone they have that decided that whatever word they meant to type in was not the word they really wanted and the phone decided to change the word without asking...

They really are smart, aren't they?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

If you get butt hurt, then I will get butt hurt, then EVERYONE is gonna get butt hurt!

Why would someone get so upset about you getting your feelings hurt? I mean not upset FOR you, but upset AT you. My first blog discussed my feelings that I had (still have, trying to work through them) after surgery and none of the people that I thought of as friends came by to see me. I did not expect anyone to spend all day with me, but if no one honestly had the time to spend for a visit would a 5 minute pop in "Hey, I wanted to check on you and see how you were. I can't stay, but I wanted to see how you were." been hard? 5 minutes (or less) out of a 16-18 hour day does not seem too much to ask for.

Granted after more than a week had passed and my neighbor called me and I told her how lonely I was and wanted company she did come by, the ONLY one that did after I stated I needed company, but I was hurt that she did not call sooner or something. I am more pissed off and hurt at the others in this TINY town that never called, stopped by, sent me a message, whatever. Two and a half weeks later a visit from anyone would seem pointless and make me feel like an afterthought. It hurts when you feel ignored, it hurts when you feel forgotten, it hurts when you feel left out.

I don't have many people that I talk to here in Baumholder (I am afraid to use the term friend anymore because I am unsure if anyone really was a true friend rather than an acquaintance), and there are a lot of people that dislike me for some odd reason even though they really have never met me... meh, I care less, but it does bother me sometimes. When I am treated like I have the plague by people I do not know (but seem to know me) it bothers me, when I feel like I am treated like that by people I know, talked to almost daily, shopped with, ate with, and drank with... well that hurts a lot.

So with the sudden "climate change" in these relationships comes a certain amount of paranoia. I am certain they are talking bad about me behind my back, and why wouldn't they? They talked about others badly behind their back... it only makes sense. How would you go about saying to someone "Hey, I know you couldn't stand so and so and you told me that so and so lies. I also know you say you have nothing in common with and nothing to talk about with so and so (sorry for the lack of a made up name), and after all of this I still see you talking and hanging out like you are best buds. This makes me wonder what has been said to so and so about me when I am not around.", and say it in a manner to promote discussion rather than defensiveness?

I know this is a high school mentality, and that drives me nuts. If I do not like someone I do not like them... I am not going to pretend to be buds "just in case I need them someday". I would rather have real friends, people I know that I can count on no matter what, people that genuinely care about me as much as I do them.  I just know that I would never leave a friend with no company after surgery... yes I have been in that situation and I was there the day after she got home with crackers for her upset tummy and good old-fashioned company.

So yes, this was a vent. This is how I feel, this is why I am upset. I am fairly certain that if the tables were turned they would feel just the same as I am right now- well at least the emotional pain part.. maybe not the paranoia (not sure).

SGT Babysitter

My husband is a Sergeant in the Army... We will call him SGT Babysitter now. Why you may ask? Well one of his soldiers (Private Baby) cannot seem to wake up on time in the morning, wash his uniform, stay awake during drivers training, or be honest about anything. So then it is SGT Babysitter's job to make sure Private Baby wakes up in the morning, learns how to do his laundry, etc...

Yesterday SGT Babysitter came home with Private Baby's name tag for his uniform.
Me:What are you doing with that?
Him: Private Baby says he cleaned it and it cannot get any cleaner.
Me: It REEKS of Army! **FYI, when I say something smells like Army, that would be the smell of dirt, oil, and diesel**
Him: And he said he washed it.

So I grab it and clean it by hand using Dawn dish soap. Apparently it was not clean enough for SGT Perfectionist (also known as SGT Babysitter- he will have many names, it all depends on the day), so he grabs it and rubs OXY Clean all over it, scrubs it with a scrub brush, rinses it, looks at it and declares he is pissed off that the washing machine is locked because it is in the middle of a load (German washers take 2 hours to wash), and he wanted to throw in in the wash for good measure.

I snatch it from his hands and tell him it is fine, it is as clean as I had gotten it the first time, and proceed to get the extra water off with a towel. He sets it on the heater to dry. The next morning Private Baby asked my husband "How did you get it clean???" My husband tells him "I washed it..." 
Private Baby: You have to show me your secret!

When my husband told me this I told him to tell him fine, he will show him the secret- then walk him to the laundry room and show him the washing machine and explain what it is and what it does. 

Well now since Private Baby missed morning formation yesterday because he overslept, and got kicked out of taking his drivers test for falling asleep, and my husband is not ready to ruin the kid's career by doing the paperwork to kick him out just yet, my husband is losing part of his Christmas block leave to try to get this kid's shit straight. I just want to go in and give him one of my famous "Mom lectures". Ask my kids, my lectures are pure torture!

"If you don't do what I say you will be REMOVED!"

So yesterday I lost an internet friend I have had for YEARS... I think I "met" him like 7 years ago...
ANYWAY, on Facebook I saw he had posted a petition about some Texas politician trying to outlaw pit bulls from the state or something like that. He wanted ALL of his "friends" on Facebook to sign the petition or otherwise he was going to delete them as friends. Yes, he did say this, and yes I went "PSH!"

I replied to his post telling him that no, I was not going to sign any petition. I stated my reasons why (some of which being that people for the most part (notice I did not say ALL) are not responsible pit owners, a friend of mine's son was attacked by the FAMILY bit bull, and when I would go to the Humane Society in Colorado Springs I would see that around 90% of the dogs there were pit bulls or some mix to include pit.

People are either training their dogs to be that way or it is something genetic in them. Terriers by breed are feisty, energetic dogs who typically have little tolerance for other animals, including other dogs. Their ancestors were bred to hunt and kill vermin. Many continue to project the attitude that they're always eager for a spirited argument. The larger they are (or the larger their mouths), the more dangerous they are!

Anyway... back to my lost friend. He replied back that he was serious about this ("You know me Laura"). And I told him fine, delete me. I am entitled to MY OPINION. I also told him that if he goes about deleting everyone from his life that disagrees with him then he was going to be one lonely person. I said this because a few days previous he had deleted a bunch of people off of his Facebook over a disagreement about World of Warcraft, his inability to reach level 85 FIRST in his guild because of his internet sucking, and blaming it on someone else. This "someone else" replied that it was not her fault, she sees why he has no real life friends because of how he treats people, and he should really not call people fuckers that he does not know (in jest or not) because they will take it wrong. She also told  him that if he had such a problem with them then he should go find another guild. He proceeded to tell her to fuck off, and deleted her.

SO! Yeah, he deleted me too... and I could give a fuck less. I REFUSE to allow someone to try to bully me into something that I do not believe in (and are online petitions REALLY legit when the people signing them are not in said State or even said COUNTRY?). It made me cleaning out my friends list that much easier... 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Anger and Meditation

So a little over two weeks ago I had surgery on my knee. Nothing serious, just arthroscopic surgery to drain fluid and remove cartilage (or so I am told). Yeah, I really do not know since the surgeon never sent the report to my doctor, and I refuse to go back to the surgeon after the experience I had (details here).

I do not ask for a lot, at least of my friends (my husband is a different story), but after I had surgery I needed FRIENDS! You know, someone to come by, give me some company, see how I am doing, whatever... but sadly NO ONE came by. Not even my next door neighbor till like more than a week later. So I am sitting here wondering "Am I that much of a raging bitch that no one wants to see me?", another thought was "Are all of these people really not friends and just selfish pricks who talk to me and do things with me when it is convenient for them?" I choose the latter... selfish pricks.

This brings me to now where I started deleting people from my Facebook for reasons such as "I hate you, just looking at your face makes me want to smash my computer into tiny bits!!!", and "You are all bitches!!! I never liked you, you never liked me, so why are you adding me????" Yeah I am a bit moody, but I am just TIRED of fake people. I have no room for users in my life, no room for fakes... I need reality!!!

I spend my time either on my, or AMAZON!!!!!! where I spend way more money than I ever need (or want) to. I also spend my days attempting to get my bachelors degree in social work... so, yeah through all the drama and bullshit I need a venting place. And this is it. If you have issue with foul language... go somewhere else (see how I nicely refrained from saying "fuck off"?), I use it daily and it is worse when I am angry!

Welcome to my insanity!