Sunday, July 24, 2011

Dieting update... I am almost me again!!!!

Well, it has been 3 months or so (probably almost 4 months) since I started dieting. All in all so far I have lost 37 pounds!!!! I am 13 pounds from my second goal. I have set three goals for myself, I hit one of them June 26th, 2011... so here I go so close to goal #2!!

I was going to take a picture of me at my current weight, but the day before I was going to take the picture I got a GINORMOUS zit on my chin, making me look like a chubby crack head, so now I have to wait till it disappears to take a pic. I was able to find a "before" pic, but it is just me from the boobs up. I had a picture taken of me when I was 3 pounds from my second goal, so I put them together in one picture. I can see the loss of weight just in my face!

Since the 2nd picture was taken I have lost an additional 14 pounds! 

I found myself hating having my picture taken. Telling people to take my pic from the boobs up because I was so embarrassed to show how much weight I had gained. Now I am thrilled that I have a waist again, thrilled that I do not have to wear body shapers to hide bulge, thrilled that I can fit into my old work slacks without muffin top (well, one pair still gives me muffin top).

The only setback so far has been going to the States in June where I had 2 weeks of maintaining my weight (thank GOD I did not gain anything). The thing that I believe has kept me on this diet for so long is that I am not depriving myself of anything. I still eat what I want, but I just watch the caloric intake. I found a few websites that help a LOT in helping me keep track of what I am doing. WebMD has a planner that you set all of the information in there and it tells you how much you should eat how many calories you need to burn to achieve weight loss. The second one is Spark People which does the same thing, but it also has a community forum of people with similar goals as you do, and they are super supportive!

I am all for support in weight loss, so if anyone is on a similar journey, get in touch with me and let's do this together!!! If anyone wants to start on this journey, do the same... I know that support from others helps a shit ton... that and a good scale.

I used to hate the scale, but since I got my scale, the Taylor 7506 Glass and Chrome Digital Scale, just seeing the weight drop down bit by bit (.2 lbs or .4 lbs even) is enough to keep me motivated. Those scales that you step on and they spin to your weight just do not show your weight accurately. The scale I have (mentioned above) is accurate to .2 of a pound! That is awesome!!!!

So confession time for me: I will reveal my weight... ugh, this is so hard....

When I started this diet, I weighed 225 pounds *GASP*, as of this morning I am 188.4 pounds; if that is not motivation, I do not know what is.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Adventures in Funerals: Part 6- The Final Chapter

The day of the viewing my husband decided I needed to go shopping because he wanted me wearing a dress or skirt to the funeral. He says I look nice when I am wearing dresses or skirts... whatever. I told him if I have to wear a dress I have to buy new shoes, and I found a very nice pair of Vera Wang high heels on sale, and I mean CHEAP!

My husband and I had to run to the store to get food for the people attending the viewing, then we were on our way. The vehicle was STUFFED! We had the shrine in the back of my sister in law's vehicle, an easel to set it on, and bags of food, drinks, cups, plates, and napkins. I have no idea how we got it all in there without breaking anything.

My husband and I were the first to arrive. We unloaded the food first and got everything set up, then it was time for the shrine. It was to be placed near the casket. He had not seen his father yet, and to be honest I was worried. I lost my mother when I was 12 to cancer, and I remember when it was time for the family to view her in the casket I flipped and refused to go in the room (I finally went in after everyone else had left the room).

He went in the room to set everything up and did not even glance at his father. At one point I caught him sneak a peek and saw him jump a little, stiffen, and then immediately he was back to "business mode". He was bound and determined to be strong and not cry. When his family got there we all went in the room while everyone placed something in the casket from them. Letters, figurines, pins, medals (he was already wearing his and my husband's dog tags and holding my mother in law's rosaries)... when they were done my sister in law and I decided there was something missing  and ran to the store. We returned to the funeral home with a 20 oz. bottle of Crush and a 2 pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (his favorite) and added it to the mix in his casket. My husband looked over, saw what we did, looked at me and said "Really?!?"

"Yup. Just like when you die I am putting a bottle of Mountain Dew and a pack of Kool's in there with you."

He just shook his head at me. I was bound and determined to bring some levity to the evening and make him smile.

At the end of the viewing the priest said a prayer and invited anyone up to share a story of a memory of my father in law. No one was really saying much, one person stood and talked of how he was a kind and giving man, my husband's grandmother spoke of how he was a good boy but got into mischief and butted heads with the priest, then I stood up.

"I had not had much time to get to know Steve, but he was always my voice of reason with my husband. When I first met him, he and my mother in law came to Colorado to see us and see my husband before he deployed to Iraq. One night we were all standing outside and my husband asked my oldest son to park the truck in front of the car so that there would be room in the driveway for the van. 'Just back it right up!' Well my son did... right into the car. My husband started to get mad, but right then Steve spoke up: 'Now wait a minute son! Before you go getting angry, let me remind you about when you backed OUR truck right into the porch!' My husband cooled down fast and after that he was my voice of reason. Whenever my husband claimed to have been a child who always listened, never talked back, always did what he was told, etc... I would just call my father in law to remind my husband what he was REALLY like. He was always able to put things in perspective."

My husband had refused to get up and speak, but after that I guess he got some courage to share. He got up, started to cry, but was quickly able to push down the tears and share stories of when he and his brother were children and broke his fathers windshield and never got in trouble, how his father took him and his brother fishing and put the boat in the lake, but forgot to plug the bottom of the boat. He talked of his father hanging him from a hook on the ceiling by his pants as punishment after all else had failed and how he enjoyed it because he could pretend he was a plane! He was so animated when he remembered those times, smiling, laughing... then at the end you saw the grief when he realized there would be no more of those times with him... only memories.

It was time to go and my husband did not want to leave. He just stood by the coffin staring at his father, thoughts swirling. I explained to him we had to go, and with some reluctance he followed me outside. After that we all went out to eat. We took a few pictures while everyone was "dressed nice", and at one point my husband's uncle said "You do know these are going on Facebook!" It was then I thrust my leg up and flung my head back. My husband laughed and he cheered up.

At the funeral the next day, there was drama. I will not go into that, but for the most part the dramatics were ignored (and amazingly the dramatics were not from my mother in law). We drove to the Veteran's Cemetery for the Service with honors. I was fine through this whole thing; from when I arrived till this point I had shed no tears... but when they played Taps I started to cry.

When the service was done my husband seemed different. He seemed to accept that his father was gone, and the solemn grief was there. He was sad, angry, and confused. He had 2 weeks to try to grieve, and for a man that suppresses his emotions daily, and has for years, that was impossible. He is still angry, for many reasons that he has a right to be angry for. He is still in mourning, but has to push it aside to do his job (which creates more anger). He is sad, but does not want to talk about it because he cannot right now. There are many other factors that are contributing to his rise in anger now that he is back in "Hell", but what can be done? R&R is still months away, and I do what I can via phone and internet to keep him calm. Please keep him in your prayers, he needs them.

Thank you for sticking with me through this part of the journey, thank you for your condolences and prayers. They are all very much appreciated.  

Friday, July 1, 2011

Adventures in Funerals: Part 5

Sorry for the delay in part 5, but I had to work. Yes, it is a four letter word...

When I last wrote my sister in law and I were heading over to my mother in law's house because her father and brother had just arrived from Texas. I wondered if they had found the dog yet...

We first went to JC Penny's to get my sister in law some shoes she could wear with her dress at the funeral, and while we were there we found my mother in law a blouse and sweater she could wear. Score! On our way again...

We show up and go into the house an I meet my uncle in law and grandfather in law (haha) for the first time ever. They looked very tired since they had driven from Texas to Minnesota in 22 hours (with a 2 hour stop to rest). My sister in law and I were given the task to go strip the bed that my father in law slept in and put clean sheets on it. We decided instead to strip everything (pillows and blankets included), shove them in bags to stow in the garage for the time being, and buy new pillows later. But in my brilliance I decided to take the pillowcases off of the pillows first, and as I raised my arms to shake the pillow out of the case my hand discovered that there was a moving ceiling fan right above me. My left index finger hit the fan, there was a bright flash as I blew out the light bulb (my sister in law swore she saw sparks fly out), and I threw down the pillow, grabbed my finger, and calmly said "Ow. That is going to leave a bruise."

My mother in law came in just then and stated that it would be brighter in the room if we just turned on the light, and told us how to turn on the ceiling fan light. We laughed and explained that I broke it, so the bulb was burned out. She got us another bulb and some bags for the bedding.

When we were done with the bed my husband and his brother showed up. My husband's uncle explained that he left his medicine in Texas (his wife was mailing it), so if he got loud and started yelling for no reason it was because he did not have his medicine. I remarked that I would have just thought it was a family thing, and that got laughs followed by a heated discussion of who was the quiet one in the family.

We all decided that it was time to eat... again... and left for brunch/lunch/whatever. Never mind that I really was not hungry, and had been eating out every freaking meal, sure that I had RUINED my diet and gained everything right back... when that was done we went back to my mother in law's house so that her brother and dad could sleep some, her brother gave me $5 to find him a tie, and I told my mother in law that I was going to get a mani/pedi and she was going too. She declared that she would never get a pedicure because she cannot stand people touching her feet, but she would get a manicure. I walked over to my husband and forcefully whispered: "I am taking your mother to get her nails done. While we are gone... bury the damn dog." He said he planned on it... about fucking time!

We left the guys and went to get our nails done. As my sister in law sat in the massage chairs for our pedicure's we noticed my mother in law talking to the nail tech doing her nails, then talking to the ladies at the drying booth, smiling, laughing... OMG! She looked HAPPY! Just then the guys called stating they were picking up the shrine (before it was called the shrine) and that it was so big that they could not get their mother to take her to the church to talk to the priest... there was no room in the car. My sister in law told them to drive over where we were, put the frame in her vehicle, and get their mother. They were supposed to be on their way so my mother in law went outside to wait. Almost an hour later they were still not there, and I told my sister in law that if those boys ruined my mother in law's good mood I would kill both of them! My sister in law ended up taking my mother in law to the church while I was left behind having my nails finished. They nail tech looked nervous seeing them leave and asked if I was paying for them. Of course...

30 minutes later my nails were done, I went outside to smoke and wait for my sister in law. She pulled up right away and this is when I got my first look at the shrine. My sister in law has a small SUV, it kind of looks like this, but white:---------------------->

The shrine took up the entire area from the back of the front seats to the tailgate, and the entire width of the vehicle. Seriously... I took one look at that thing and said "That is huge. Ridiculously huge. Obscenely huge. What the hell was he thinking?!?!"

My sister in law just rolled her eyes.

She called them to see where they were and they were finishing at the church, so we decided to go into Wal Mart to get the tie. I found a plain black tie for $10, got it, and then we were on our way to... yep. Eat. Again. This time it was Chinese. We were all at a table looking at the Chinese zodiac, everyone was asking me to read theirs (bad eyesight?) and then Grandpa asked me to read his wife's zodiac. She was listed as "The Cock"... just then his wife called him. He answers the phone "HELLO COCK!"

If anyone has been around me when I laugh, and especially when I laugh at something that has caught me off guard, I am loud. Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman loud. When I laugh everyone looks... and I mean EVERYONE. Thankfully there was enough people at the table that looks from others were blocked.

After dinner we went separate ways, aside from my mother in law was with us. She gave me $120 to get flowers from her family and we went to Wal Mart where I tried to keep my husband from buying a remote controlled boat to use in the hotel pool... I have a sneaking suspicion he got it after I left and mailed it home.

We took my mother in law home, and my husband and I went back to the hotel. We were sitting on the bed watching television when I looked over at him and noticed he was staring up at the ceiling.

"You OK?"

"Yeah, I am fine."

"Bullshit. You are not grieving. You are not mourning. You are running all over trying to take care of everyone else and you are ignoring you. Mourn, cry... it is ok."

"No, it is not."

"Yes it is."

Just then I saw a moment of weakness. I saw his chin quiver. I grabbed him, pulled him over to me and hugged/cradled him like a child. He cried harder than I have ever seen him cry before. Sobbing and saying "I miss him. What am I going to do? I loved him!" I said nothing and held him. When he slowed the tears I said "See, it is ok to cry. You are human."

"No I'm not. I'm a soldier."

"You are human. If I cut you, do you not bleed?"


He laughed. We got up to go outside to smoke, and all I could think of was that the viewing was tomorrow. He had not seen his father yet, and I had no idea how he was going to react.

And yes, the dog did get buried.

This Moment

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A photo – no words – capturing a moment from some time. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment you want to pause, savour and remember. “This Moment” is a ritual found on Life inspired by the Wee Man which was then kidnapped from Almost there by Sarah-Jane, and then ripped from the clutches of Raising Amelie by Alejandro.

Leave a comment with a link to your moment so we can all stalk you!