tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22804404643165768152024-02-06T21:28:33.383-06:00Through my insanity and... what else is there?Trying to live a normal life in a military world. I am not very successful at the "normal" thing.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.comBlogger169125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-78817478021130598442018-03-09T09:15:00.002-06:002018-03-09T09:33:01.985-06:00Dream InterpretationSo early this morning I had a dream. It was odd, but after looking up some meanings I think I have the code cracked.<br />
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I just got out of the shower in my dream, or I am assuming, because I was leaning over to put gel in my hair (it's odd because I never use gel in my hair, just mousse) and I remember it feeling very sticky. As I was trying to run it through my hair I noticed that my hair was very tangled and matted... and then I noticed my hair came out in two huge clumps... much like when I am pulling clumps of hair out of my husky mix's when they are blowing their winter coats. I didn't end up bald, instead I ended up with a short/sassy new hairstyle that I wasn't all upset about. I remember running my fingers through the back thinking how soft and healthy my hair felt. I was happy and comfortable!<br />
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Now on to the dream interpretation.<br />
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My tangled and matted hair represents the negativity in my life. Things were in chaos. The gel is representative of me trying to hold my shit together... it didn't work because as I was trying to hold my shit together the negativity just decided to release itself from me instead.<br />
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So this means that instead of trying to hold my shit together I am just supposed to get rid of it. Get rid of the negativity, the people that make me crazy, etc... and you know what? I did! I quit my job at the PX that was full of toxic people. I removed myself from drama filled Facebook groups. I deleted people from my friends list that were negative or toxic... not friends at all... just people that kept me on for gossip or some shit.<br />
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The new shorter, healthier hair is representative of right now. How my stress is mostly gone (some of my long hair was still on my head, and while it wasn't tangled and matted, it was dry and not as healthy as the hair on the back of my head). It was a different color. It went from blonde to dark brown/red representing the changes in myself). I know it was a positive dream because I was happy and not upset at all about losing my long hair! It's just weird how things in your life end up being interpreted in your mind while you are sleeping.<br />
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Things have gotten so much better lately. I mean, it seems like since I quit my last job things just keep getting better and better! I got a new job that I LOVE! The people there are amazing and I feel zero stress even though my days are spent learning new things and TONS of it. How amazing is that? They work with me on my schedule and work around the appointments I have rather than forcing me to take vacation leave weekly or leave without pay. They are super nice and have wonderful personalities, I even told my manager that she just doesn't understand how happy I was to be there.<br />
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My daughter was able to get the medications she needs to manage her ADHD and anxiety. I didn't have to fight anyone or lose my shit to get it done either! While we were in Alaska she was treated so poorly by the army medical clinics there. In the beginning they told me (what we later found out) her anxiety attacks were just "teenage temper tantrums". Her stomach pains had no cause, they were psychosomatic. Her period pains were just cramps... here, take some naproxen and get used to it. Everything she all of a sudden became allergic to was not even considered for anything going wonky with her body. I took her off post for mental health care and she was treated right and taken seriously... that's where she was diagnosed and started making progress. Since coming to Texas she has recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, and upon research of that so many things that have been going on with her over the years can be attributed to that. It wrecks the immune system, gives gastrointestinal issues, and can even cause a person to have allergies (because of the immune system issues).<br />
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My house got clean and my kids are doing their chores!!! That is nothing short of a miracle in itself.<br />
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You know... sometimes life turns to shit... but nothing is permanent. Things can and will get better. It seemed like bad kept happening rapid fire, like dominoes falling since before we moved to Texas on through recently. Now I am excited to see things looking up and am super excited to see what else good will come my way.<br />
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<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-1854388316065671072018-03-04T11:40:00.005-06:002018-03-04T11:40:49.624-06:00Food for Thought 2018I have often gone to my Facebook to relax. Seeing what my friends are doing, funny memes, etc can be relaxing. Not so much right now. I have a bunch of people polluting the feed with their anti gun, pro gun, conspiracy theories, anti government, pro government, anti Trump, pro Trump, hating the left, hating the right, anti vaccine, pro vaccine... holy crap I could go on forever. The thing is everyone has it wrong. They are not thinking hard enough, their complaints or solutions are either too simplistic or offer nothing at all.<br />
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The thing is these posts are either severely misinformed, severely hypocritical, or do nothing but spread more hate, ignorance, and anger. There are people on my friends list that I wonder if they completely have lost their minds with the bullshit they post! It's CRAZY shit!!!!!<br />
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I want to comment "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???"<br />
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Bear with me while I sound like an old woman. Social media had ruined our society. We are able to post whatever we want without regard to logic or fact. Then people who are apparently unable to fact check on their own believe whatever it is without question. We are able to comment whatever we want to people. There is no regard for the fact that the person on the other end is a LIVE HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS! People tell others to fuck off, they tell others to kill themselves, they threaten the lives of others and threaten to rape; this is all done under the "anonymity" of the internet with no consequences or repercussions for their actions. There are VERY few people who are able to hold civilized conversations with others that have differing viewpoints. It turns into name calling and threats. Keyboard warriors.<br />
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Then there are those that resort to actual violence because they are unable to communicate. Do you realize how many people are shot and killed in my city alone over WORDS?!??! I don't know actual numbers, but its more than one and one is too many. I see comments online about how "people don't know how to fight with their fists anymore, they want to go for the guns. They need to bring back good old fashioned ass whoopins instead of going for their gun." No, no they don't. You DO realize that fists can kill too right?<br />
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People need to grow the fuck up and learn to talk like ADULTS or walk the fuck away. Bullying is bad, yes... it happens. Yes people do need to toughen up a bit, but you know what? Not all people are able emotionally or mentally to do that. Hear me out. School shooters to my knowledge have one thing in common: they were outcasts. People want to point their finger at guns, people want to point their finger at the FBI, people want to point their finger at the school, people want to point their finger at the shooter... do me a favor and point the finger at yourself. What are YOU doing to foster human morals, ethics, goodwill and kindness? What are you doing to reach out to those less fortunate or a little weird to show them that they are not hated by everyone? You don't know what these people went through at school, at home, etc. Why look at someone and decide they are unworthy of a smile and a hello? Why see someone that looks angry and upset and decide to leave them alone rather than asking "Is everything ok? Are you alright?"<br />
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I have seen people posting asking kids to befriend someone they wouldn't normally to protest school shootings rather than walking out. Why is everyone have such an aversion to reaching out to those that don't fit into their cliques? You don't have to hang out with them in your free time or spend hours on the phone or whatever... just. be. nice. If a person thinks that no one loves them, that no one cares, and everyone is out to get them the result is usually one of two things or both- violence against others and suicide.<br />
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It saddens me to see how selfish people have become. I know that all people are not like this, but it doesn't help when social media and major news media only focus on the negative and their own agenda. I stopped watching the news years ago, I stopped reading the news... every once in a while I will read something but it leads me down a rabbit hole trying to find what's true and what is propaganda for their sheep.<br />
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I believe we, the people of the United States and the earth, have the obligation to make the change. Its starts from within. It starts within our own homes. If you are waiting for someone else to start it or do something you are part of the problem. It costs ZERO DOLLARS to be nice to someone. Remember the movie "Pay it Forward"? Yeah, do that. It doesn't always have to cost something, it just requires you to have a heart. It won't stop all violence, some people ARE just bad, but I wonder how long it will take for people to see a change on our soil? <br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-size: x-large;"><b><i><u style="background-color: magenta;">Be the change you want to see in the world!!!!</u></i></b></span></div>
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-36222135145804000562018-03-02T08:24:00.000-06:002018-03-02T08:24:33.540-06:00Lessons Learned<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I did it! I quit my job! I have a tentative start date with a new job, but I had to quit. I needed time to decompress, I needed time to release the negativity... I needed time to let it go so I wouldn't drag all of that with me to my new job.<br />
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I knew it wasn't healthy to stay there. I knew it wouldn't get better. I knew the hostility was gaining momentum all around. I knew I was going to walk in to work yesterday and get questioned over my decision to NOT stop someone. I knew that no matter what I did I was going to get questioned or told I was wrong. I knew it was time... I learned a valuable lesson, and that was it's not just about loving what you do, but about who you work with too. You can love your job, but those people that surround you can make you miserable.<br />
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If you are wondering, the night before last I was at work and a guy stole the back to an earring. One of those little plastic ones. There was still another back on the earring... they were sold with two and he stole one because he apparently needed one for his earring already in his ear. So I am sitting there going "Do I stop him? He didn't take the earrings, and we can still sell them as they are for full price. What value do you put on those backs and how do you charge it? Five cents? Twenty cents? Knowing my bosses they would say charge him for the earrings completely, and that is not something I would feel comfortable with. I would end up being a huge joke with the Military Police if I stopped this guy over the back to an earring..." so I decided not to make the stop, it wasn't worth potentially ruining a guy's military career or potentially ruining my reputation as an LP that is worth a crap. I don't make bad stops and I am not going to make a stop over something that more than likely has no value. Hell the MP's told my former coworkers that day that they didn't charge a guy with theft that they said stole a 98 cent chapstick. They stopped him, and the MP's said "He paid for it, it was broken, he exchanged it... he just didn't go through the proper channels to exchange it (bypassing customer service completely)", oh that pissed them off! I mean, it's understandable them being pissed, but sometimes you have to make a judgement call (on the LP and the MP side) that won't be popular with others. Oh, and FYI... if you steal from AAFES and are caught you will be charged $200 on top of anything you might have stolen. It's not worth it people!<br />
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SO...<br />
I went into to work, neither manager was there. Bummer. So I went into the camera room, grabbed a resignation form, told the ESSA there I was quitting and went into the office to fill it out. I left my keys, credentials, and time card on the desk as well as a copy of my resignation and went straight to HR. I gave them a letter of resignation and told them EXACTLY why I was quitting. I told them it was a toxic work environment, I told them that I was micromanaged, I told them they were being petty, I told them that I was being treated badly, I told them I was talked to over anything and everything. I told them the job was making me physically ill with stress and anxiety from my first few days on and that I had to leave before it got worse. I told them it just wasn't healthy. They didn't seem surprised. I was asked if it was the manager. I told them it was BOTH the manager and assistant manager, more so the assistant manager because she was there more.<br />
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I told them I had done this previously, for years, and I knew the job. I knew what was right, I knew what was wrong. I told them that as soon as I started questioning their work ethics and whatnot that the attitude towards me changed. I told them that my mind was spinning at the moment, but I had everything written down of what had been going on and what behaviors and whatnot had been done to me. She told me that I was still good in their system because I turned in my resignation, even though I had not given notice... but I don't think I will EVER work for that company again.<br />
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I started thinking back to when I worked LP for the first time. My best friend/coworker and I complained about the boss because he did not know his job that well and he was annoying... but you know what? Overall he was a good manager. He trusted us. We didn't clock in and out because he trusted that we would come in and leave for our scheduled shifts, and we did. He trusted us to make a stop and not question us if we REALLY saw what we did thereby casting doubt. He trusted us as adults to eat in the camera room, and as such we often worked through our lunch because we WANTED to and LIKED to work. He trusted us to train employees and not take pictures and email them to him to prove that we were training employees. He trusted us to not have us call and email him with EVERY THING WE DID or any decision we made. We often texted him to let him know what was going on if we made a stop, not because we had to, but because we were excited and wanted him to know.<br />
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Everything was done with respect and trust, not because of micromanaging and mistrust. We had an awesome team of loss prevention people because we COMMUNICATED and WORKED TOGETHER AS A TEAM! We didn't work on cases and not let everyone else know what we were doing, we told everyone so that if they saw something or if we needed help we were there for each other. Fort Hood AAFES Los Prevention is "every man/woman for him/herself". No teamwork, no trust, no communication. <br />
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ANYWAY....<br />
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Today I am going in to take a drug test for my new job which will start the background check. I will spend the rest of my day cleaning and whatnot that I have neglected since I started working again. I need to buy toilet paper too since I got trapped in the downstairs bathroom this morning and had to text my daughter to bring me some... luckily she looked at her phone (she normally has it on silent).<br />
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I will...<br />
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Is that song in your head now???</div>
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Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-79087544983109326002018-02-27T09:42:00.000-06:002018-02-27T09:42:52.521-06:00Good (ish) News and More on the Toxic WorkplaceSo I have good news and bad news...<br />
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The good news is I got a call from an employer I interviewed with. They like me, they want me. This is an interview with a company I felt good about. Our personalities meshed well, and the manager interviewing me actually understood what I was talking about when I said I encountered difficulties with the male management at my last job in Alaska. Not MY direct manager, he was awesome, it was the store management. She said "Ego?" I told her it's what I heard, but I didn't want to believe that there could be problems like that for something so trivial... she went on to say how difficult it is for female managers in an industry primarily run by men, and how you constantly feel like you have to prove yourself and fight to be respected. HOLY SHIT! She gets it! That made me feel so good about where I was...you have no idea. I have the option and opportunity to move up within the company. No stagnation. This is important to me. So, yeah... they like me and want me.</div>
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The bad news is that while she got the OK from he district manager to hire from the outside for the position, he told her they needed to transfer someone in from another store. The position was no longer available. </div>
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There is more good news! Ish...</div>
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She said that another position will be opening up soon, like within the next week or so, and she should know by "early next week" (that's now... keep fingers crossed please). She said she just needed to make sure she has dotted all her I's and crossed all her T's, but she will keep me in the loop as to what is going on. </div>
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It gave me hope. It made me happy, but yet frustrates me because I know I am closer to quitting the toxic job I have now, but still don't know when. If you have ever worked in a toxic work environment you know what I am going through. You dread going in to work, you get sick to your stomach, you spend your days off not enjoying your free time but thinking about how much closer you are to having to go back. You get headaches frequently, upset stomachs, you have trouble sleeping, your home life suffers because of the stress you are going through. </div>
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I was talking to a good friend the other day and told her I was wondering if it was me. Was I the one creating a toxic environment? Was it me because I questioned the managers and how they were doing things that I believed to be wrong? Was it me because I did not tell them about recurring appointments I have for my children during the interview? Was it me because I stopped going to them with concerns after I saw how they reacted to what had been brought up to them before?</div>
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Or was it them? Was my first clue the day I walked into the office with signs all over stating that "this is a drama free zone" and "Let it go"? Was it the coworkers who went to management with my concerns that got me under fire? Coworkers who got upset at some friendly teasing over catching shoplifters (saying I was good for the month while they weren't... I mean I didn't say they weren't, I just said "I am good for the month") so they went to the managers with something completely different and twisted my words. Put me in a situation where it was three against one where I felt like I was supposed to take everything they threw at me while they cast aside anything I said... or flat out stated I wasn't being honest with my answers. I tried so hard not to cry, I had to leave right after that to smoke and try to calm down... I wanted to quit right there, but the need for the extra money for my family is greater than my desire to quit this fucked up job. </div>
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I have spent more time than you can imagine googling toxic work environments... I also googled toxic employees to see if it was me. This job really has me questioning myself, but at the same time the signs point to the problem being them more than me. I admit I have questioned their ethics, I admit I have complained at being treated like a child rather than an adult, I will admit I have complained at their lack of willingness to accommodate my schedule for my appointments for my kids. I will admit I have complained about feeling I have been thrown to the wolves on occasion. I admit I have complained about being told I cannot take sick leave for my kids appointments. </div>
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Most recently I have taken to laughing while complaining when the manager pulled me aside to talk to them about not contacting them about switching shifts with another employee, an employee who told her when she came in that she was supposed to call and forgot. Then talked to me about "the vendetta against the door" because apparently I am always slamming the door. The talked to me about not talking to the new employee while she is trying to train him because I might confuse him... she made said new employee go home 2 hours early because he would have been alone with me. It's damn petty at this point. </div>
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While I said before that I would rather work a job that I love for less pay than a job that I hate for more money, I realize a job is not just about what you are doing. While I love loss prevention, and I love what I do, I hate where I am. It's not just about the work, it's about your boss, it's about the coworkers, it's about the environment as a whole. </div>
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And now I am biding my time until I can go in there and quit. </div>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-87867147767877309742018-02-22T20:15:00.003-06:002018-02-22T20:15:55.150-06:00ToxicityEvery day I go into work I fantasize about being able to quit. Seriously. All I am waiting for is a phone call from a prospective employer telling me I was selected for a job and I will quit where I am now. I have fantasized about this since the first few days of starting said job.<br />
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One fantasy includes me putting my credentials and keys on the desk in the office and saying "C'YA!" and walking out of the office with both middle fingers held high. Another fantasy includes me saying "Fuck this job, fuck you, I fucking quit!"<br />
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Honestly I have no clue how it will go down. I may just lay my credentials and work keys on the desk and silently walk out... screaming in joy all the way home. The point is I am miserable at work. While I love doing loss prevention work, I hate where I am. I am in a position with a company that gives me ZERO chance of moving up in position. There is a lady that has been in her position there (same position as me) since 2008. That is 10 years being stagnant in a low level position! I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!<br />
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The managers are... well let's just say the workplace is toxic. The managers are micro-managers. I was literally told yesterday "We need you to be independent" yet in the next breath being told I need to call them with anything that happens right away (this was in response to me not calling them about the shoplifter I could not stop and spent the majority of the day gathering ditched packaging and doing video review). Soooo I need to be independent yet not... OK.<br />
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I was told not to eat in the camera room while another LP was literally right next to me eating and NOTHING was said to her.<br />
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While I know what I am doing and am damn good at LP work, I do NOT know the computer portion of it at the company because it has been three years since I did it. I forgot... sue me. I told them I did not remember the computer portion (entering in cases, etc). I told them many times. They had the nerve to tell me that since I was prior LP and I was saying "I know this" or "I got this" they thought there was no problem. I told them that I had told them NUMEROUS times I did not know the computer part, they looked at me like I had horns growing out of my face.<br />
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When I told one LP that I felt like no one wanted to help me when I needed to stop my shoplifters last week that LP then went to the managers and said that I said no one helped me at all. The story was I saw the subjects select merchandise, I did not see the concealment because it was in a blind spot. I went on the floor to where I assumed he concealed and found empty packaging, I told the fellow LP we needed to stop them, she says "OK" I hear her yell for the assistant manager and she hangs up the phone. I go to the front of the store to wait for someone to assist because we are not supposed to make a stop alone and NO ONE SHOWS. I go back to the office and walk in and say "Is no one going to come help?" I get told by the managers "We didn't see what you saw". Ummmm... does it fucking matter???? I SAW IT! IT'S MY JOB!!!! That's not what I said though, I said "He stole the earrings, I have the empty packaging. We need to stop them" To which they replied "Are you sure?" I replied "YES!" I was getting impatient because all this time we are wasting they could get away. The fellow LP grabs her credentials (I did not have mine yet) and goes to stop them. She made the stop and we escorted them back. I get scolded for her doing the stop instead of me... apparently I am supposed to flash my dependent ID card instead of credentials...<br />
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I feel all of this is SO STUPID and I want out. I really do. I want a new job where I feel trusted and valued. A job where I am treated like an adult woman rather than a inexperienced kid. I have anxiety daily, I often cry on my drive home, I often call my bestie to cry to her because SHE GETS IT! I feel sick to my stomach and have frequent migraines. This job is literally making me sick. It's toxic. <br />
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And now part of me is terrified someone will see this and I may get fired before I can quit. <br />
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Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-12257821898892958332018-02-20T07:56:00.001-06:002018-02-20T07:56:24.100-06:00Shoplifting and... I have a few words. So yesterday I saw someone shoplifting at the tail end of the "experience". I mean I did not see the parts I had to in order to stop the person, but I saw him tearing open packaging and stuffing the product into his pocket. This is where working loss prevention pisses me off. In order to make a stop there are certain elements you need; unfortunately I was unable to get the elements until after he had left the store already... with his children.<br />
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What bothers me is not that this person was stealing while he had his children with him, it was that he was stealing WITH his children! His children were stealing too! These kids were not old, they were maybe 12 or 13 at the oldest, 8 or 9 at the youngest (I am guessing from their appearance). One kid walked in wearing one outfit and walked out wearing something new entirely. So that tells me this man is TRAINING his kids to steal! ON A MILITARY BASE!!!!<br />
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So yeah... today when I go in I will go over all the video footage I was able to pull and save of this man and his children stealing, enough footage to turn it over to the military police I hope... to include his license plate number.<br />
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The upsetting thing about this is that I saw first hand at what is going wrong with America. I saw that not all parents really care about their children. Not all parents want their children to do well and make something out of themselves. Not all parents want their children to stay out of trouble. I saw one parent (I have no idea what the mom is like) walk into a store with his two boys and encourage them to steal. It is sad. If this is allowed and encouraged what else have they been taught?<br />
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Those boys have been set up for a life of failure. They have been set up for a life of crime that will slowly escalate. They have been set up for a mentality that makes everyone other than themselves responsible for their actions. "THE WORLD OWES ME!" It is sad for many reasons that I really cannot articulate now. It's like a 16 year old that I caught shoplifting earrings but he bought a package of baby bottles... and he had a HUGE wad of cash in his pocket, like dealing drugs wad of cash (he reeked of pot too), and the only thing his mom said to him was "Why are you buying baby bottles?"<br />
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Don't blame lack of religion, because I am not religious and my children have grown up to be law abiding individuals that care about others. They don't roam the streets at night breaking into cars and homes, they don't steal, they don't deal drugs, they don't vandalize any property... I raised them. I talked to them, I gave them consequences for their actions, I made sure the consequences were harsh enough that they would think about that next time the thought to do wrong would even cross their mind! I am not saying my children are perfect. They are not. They make mistakes... hell my youngest was caught shoplifting years ago, but he has not done it since.<br />
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Don't blame music, movies, or video games either. My kids played those games that most would view as questionable... but I talked to them about it, talked to them about how it was wrong and people shouldn't behave that way. I didn't say it was cool or glorify the behavior in any way. The problem is parents not parenting anymore. The mindset of many people today is the problem. Hell, even some of the laws are the problem! Can't spank a kid today without CPS putting their noses into the situation! So many don't believe in spanking their kids because they didn't like it when they were kids. No, we didn't like it, that's the point. It kept us from doing stupid shit because it made us think twice about what we were going to do! You can spank without it being abuse. Period. There is a line.<br />
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-11216417809618659042018-02-18T14:09:00.000-06:002018-02-18T14:09:08.886-06:00You Were Never ThereHere is something that has been going through my mind for the last few days. My father passed away in October. He was an Army veteran and had told me he was in Vietnam. He had nothing to prove this and I had never asked for proof because why would he lie to me?<br />
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I had written a paper on him and his experiences when I was in high school. I remember it clearly. I had asked him if he would be willing to be interviewed for it and he told me to sit down and pay close attention because he was only going to tell his story once. He didn't like talking about it and he would never speak of it again.<br />
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His story was vivid, and he went into as much detail as he could. I remember my father waking up in the middle of the night at times rushing outside because he couldn't breath. I had heard it was because he was having flashbacks from when he was in Vietnam, being in a tunnel, and someone had gassed it; he was trying to get out of the tunnel so he could breath again. I had felt shrapnel from a mortar in his scalp.<br />
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He would tell me about his first stint in the army when he was in Germany, met a German woman, and married her. How she died in a car accident. I have that photo of him and her together in Germany. His stories included "a buddy of mine", never any names that I can remember... and he would tell me he learned not to make friends with anyone because then it wouldn't hurt so much when they were killed.<br />
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After my father dies I wrote to the National Archives asking for his full military records including anything from Vietnam. A few days ago I got a letter back with the information I already had from his time in service with a note stating there were no records or orders to substantiate any service in Vietnam and his overseas duty was in Germany.<br />
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Now here is where things get confusing, at least for me.They gave me a list of his medals. One of them is the Overseas Service Ribbon with the numeral 2. This means he was overseas twice. When he was in Germany when I was a kid (I was there too) he never went back overseas after that. He never went before that for that current enlistment. My mother and he got married, he was stationed in Washington, then stationed in Germany, and then Colorado; he finished his enlistment out in Colorado. What was the other overseas tour?? Was it the time he was there and met his wife? I am trying to remember if he said he was there stationed or just went there on R&R. How was he in then and able to not get sent to Vietnam? Something is missing here.<br />
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I am not sure where to go from here. I am going to send off for his Selective Service record, since he was of age during the Vietnam draft. I am going to send off for as much information as I can, but not knowing who he served with, or any other details because my father was a SUPER private man is going to make this difficult. I refuse to believe he lied to me. I have done some searching online and have seen numerous other Vietnam vets that have been told "You were never there", and trying to find a way to prove it because they needed to make a claim with the VA because of cancer or something else connected to their service in Vietnam. This isn't right. I refused to allow my father's memory to be sullied by the government that can't ever keep records straight.<br />
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This might explain why my father chose to be buried in the local cemetery rather than in a national cemetery. He probably knew they lost his records, he probably knew they were denying he was there, and he didn't have the energy or means to fight it. He was also too proud a man to discuss any of his issues he had had with the VA over many years. He wanted to be remembered for his service in Vietnam on his headstone and he made sure he was. If he was buried in a national cemetery he wouldn't have been remembered as such. It was his way of telling them FUCK YOU I WAS THERE!<br />
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Anyway, I am feeling lost, and apart from requesting his selective service record I am not sure where to go from here. If anyone knows, please let me know.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-82769593323062290072018-02-17T20:05:00.001-06:002018-02-17T20:05:39.193-06:00Time to Catch Up...Here again! My last post was almost 4 years ago... damn. I am awful.A friend of mine from when I lived in Germany suggested I start writing again as stress relief. Goodness knows I need to. No one is probably reading this anymore, but if anything I am getting it out. Facebook is not a diary, but this can be... sort of. SOOOOOOOOOO much has happened in that 4 years, and I am not even sure how to even start on what has been going on.<br />
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When I last posted I believe I was working Loss Prevention at AAFES, I did that for a few years and then quit for a job at MWR that I left out of misery and then started working as a Loss Prevention Manager at Lowe's in Fairbanks. While I had a few issues while I was working there I loved my job, loved my fellow LPM's in Anchorage, and loved the boss I had.<br />
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The most recent thing is we are no longer in Alaska. We moved to Texas in July 2017 and it has been nothing short of a culture shock to me. I quit my job that I LOVED in Alaska to move because big army said so and was unable to find a job for 6 months. The job I left in Alaska opened the day we landed in Texas and so I applied for it, I interviewed, I was not selected. I was devastated. Every job I applied for I was either completely ignored, got a thanks but no thanks email, or called for an interview and then rejected (sometimes radio silence after an interview which I found EXTREMELY unprofessional). I finally got a job but I hate it. I mean, I love what I am doing (loss prevention), but management is toxic and the pay sucks horribly. They can't blame it on Texas vs. Alaska because places off post (yes, I am working for AAFES, seems I have come full circle in a way... boo) here in Texas pay more than this place does. I have 3+ years of experience and a masters degree and I am getting low wages. I took the job because I panicked and was desperate. My unemployment was about to run out and no one was hiring me. I was wondering if something was wrong with me... but people have been telling me that here it is not about what you know it is about WHO you know. I have never had that issue before.<br />
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My father passed away in October. I have not seen him since right before we moved to Germany. I called him often, but I was never able to get to Nebraska to see him... I feel awful about that. It was apparent by how he was living that he was a very lonely and depressed man. I hope in death he has found the peace he couldn't find in life. He died of natural causes, but you could tell he had given up.<br />
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A few years ago my daughter was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. As it stands now it's just anxiety and ADHD, and she has made some MASSIVE strides in her own recovery and I have had to be a strong advocate for her. I was taking her to counseling appointments weekly, then biweekly. I was taking her to appointments for medications she needed. I was fighting with army docs over medications. Just recently she was diagnosed with endometriosis. She is taking it well and hoping it was caught early enough to not have caused much damage internally so that she can have children some day. She will be graduating high school next year if all goes well.<br />
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I called it quits on my last attempt at a masters degree. I finished all my coursework and stopped at practicum and internship because of some major soul searching. With everything going on in my life; with my husband with PTSD and my daughter with her anxiety, and with me being the one to deal with it I realized that if I became a counselor I would NEVER get a break. I would burn out FAST. It wasn't the right time for me to do it.... and while my passion behind doing it is the same, I realized that my passion wouldn't save whatever sanity I have left.<br />
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So here is some good stuff! We got another dog. The husband named him Sapper because "he was going to be his dog", but Sapper decided that I was his human... I wanted to name him Bear, either way we had to change the name he came to us with: "T-Bone"... this dog is not a steak. I have a job interview on Tuesday and I hope that it ends well because I need out of the job I have. Fingers crossed! It's just a supervisor position, but its better than what I have now and if I get it I can have an easier track into management.<br />
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I cleaned out my Facebook from a LOT of negativity. People who I had thought were friends that were just a cancer eating away at my confidence and whatnot. At first I kept them around to keep an eye on them, but then realized I won't see any bullshit on there so I realized better to cut ties and be done with it... it actually relieved a lot of stress. I keep my friend circle small and share very little with people because I have trust issues. I am too old for high school drama.<br />
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I will do my best to blog regularly again and make them more entertaining than this one was. I just felt like I needed to explain why I was gone for so long. Something has to change. The stress I am under has caused me to emotionally eat, which caused me to gain weight, which makes me more unhappy. So here is to hope. Here is to luck.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-39973822969584562992014-05-25T12:46:00.000-05:002014-05-25T12:47:15.073-05:00PTSD and CancerYes it has been a while, a long while... who would have thought I would get to busy to write??? Maybe I am not too busy, but I have been lacking in motivation. So here is what is new:<br />
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My husband's PTSD is getting better, meaning he is learning to manage it better. It is by no means gone, and regardless of what his doctor says it is not in remission (my personal belief is that it can never go into remission, it just becomes a little more manageable with practice and therapy). We have been doing more together as a family like going out for dinner and going to the theater to watch a movie, and while that is an ordeal in itself we have been doing it.<br />
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Going out to eat or going to the theater is an ordeal because it always puts my husband in a preemptive trigger. He knows he is going where there will be a lot of people, and he gets very uncomfortable about the thought of it, so he will either become the asshole and go in a bad mood or try to pick a fight so that he can say "Fuck it, go without me."<br />
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Last weekend we went to go see Gabriel Iglesias at the Carlson Center in Fairbanks. Before we left he was being crabby, we went to dinner first and he claimed he was not hungry and did not order anything, after we left the restaurant he was hungry so we hit up the McDonald's drive through. Going into the arena he stalled by having to have a cigarette, then when we sat down he was focusing on everyone around us commenting on the way they were dressed, the way they looked, etc. To be fair there was one girl there who was wearing a bra and shirt WAY too small for her which gave her 4 boobs... even Fluffy couldn't believe her fashion faux pas judging by the look on his face, lol: <br />
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It looked ridiculous. The husband remarked that he was surprised no one said how stupid she looked before she left the house.<br />
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Once the show started he was fine. He was laughing and enjoying himself, it was a nice break from his PTSD until the show was over and he started noticing everyone around him again. He can be super judgmental and I had to repeatedly remind him to lower his voice and relax. We got to meet Gabriel as well, and then we went home. He said he had a good time and was glad he went. Success!<br />
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A few weeks ago my oldest son told me that he had found a lump on his testicle. He had tried to get an appointment, but there were never any spots available, so one day when he had a bad cyst on his back that he wanted looked at and fixed he went to the E.R. and had the lump checked then too. An ultrasound was scheduled and he was referred to a urologist for follow up. Long story short, they were pretty certain that his lump was cancer since it was a solid mass and had its own blood supply. The doctor wanted to remove the testicle and test the lump, my son agreed. So in a time span of two and a half weeks he found a lump and had his testicle removed because of it.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MzXTiIGYQq4/U4IrueGKagI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/Pl5-zExiCws/s1600/C405-ORC-235_156.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MzXTiIGYQq4/U4IrueGKagI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/Pl5-zExiCws/s1600/C405-ORC-235_156.jpg" height="153" width="200" /></a></div>
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Fun fact: <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: inherit;"><b>The testicular cancer ribbon is purple, more specifically orchid purple. The color is orchid purple because orchid literally means testicle in Greek.</b></span></span><br />
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Moral of the story? Check yourself! Feel your balls! You may lose a ball, but you will also save your life!<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EFD2SWQ/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00EFD2SWQ&linkCode=as2&tag=throumyinsana-20&linkId=TO6T3HEERUOUMGOF" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=B00EFD2SWQ&Format=_SL250_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=throumyinsana-20" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
<img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=throumyinsana-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00EFD2SWQ" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-61141344101453423382013-12-17T01:28:00.000-06:002013-12-17T01:28:56.071-06:00PTSD and the "Cure"I know it is has been a while since I blogged, and I know I posted on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ThroughMyInsanityAndWhatElseIsThere" target="_blank">Facebook</a> that I would be posting "soon". The issue with me is #1 busy schedule #2 motivation #3 I love to sleep. I am working 34 hours a week, and I just started working on my 2nd masters degree as well. Add to that an emotional 14 year old girl that is struggling with school and a husband with PTSD that is ALSO struggling with school and you come up with a woman who is so stretched thin that she just wants to get in her footie pajama's and crawl in bed before 9pm. Wine would help too, but I had to request a special order for it... so I wait for my Riesling escape.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QNrAZZjIyvM/Uq_7h66SRII/AAAAAAAAA7U/rYKX8am6KeY/s1600/pstdcartoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QNrAZZjIyvM/Uq_7h66SRII/AAAAAAAAA7U/rYKX8am6KeY/s400/pstdcartoon.jpg" width="400" /></a>Well, the point to this blog is mainly to discuss something that has been bugging me as of late. My husbands counselor has said that she thinks his PTSD is in remission. Great news, right? Well it is wrong, because she is wrong. How can PTSD go into remission? It is not a fucking disease! People may learn to control their symptoms/triggers, whatever you want to call them, they may not react as severely as they once did, but those triggers that they have never really go away. PTSD is not curable. I was stupid and naive to believe people when they told me at the beginning of this ordeal that "The good news is PTSD is not forever", the fuck it isn't. There will ALWAYS be triggers, there will ALWAYS be pain, there will ALWAYS be struggles... the difference is how it is handled pre treatment vs. post treatment.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D7iH8TwDPLg/Uq_8DujraVI/AAAAAAAAA7c/o8M2zDWPrXM/s1600/999858_10152125774317627_1604699340_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D7iH8TwDPLg/Uq_8DujraVI/AAAAAAAAA7c/o8M2zDWPrXM/s400/999858_10152125774317627_1604699340_n.jpg" width="400" /></a>I have done a LOT of research on this, and I have not seen one article ANYWHERE that states PTSD is curable. I did see one article that said that statement was up for debate, but generally it has been shown to not be curable. The DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association, 2013) changed the classification of PTSD to a stress/trauma disorder rather than an anxiety disorder. And as I write this a thought just occurred to me. The DSM states that PTSD can be caused by learning about a traumatic event that happened to a close friend or family member (pg.271)... I would say that in instances like that maybe PTSD is curable, but to people who directly experienced a traumatic event that have those images from their experiences seared into their memory, it will be a lifelong struggle that most people can never understand.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUVZxn56n8uoDE3I2yG_zEUfHXEcQJGmpBAEwlYiGyX9LQngCtjvA_qKc3zRkMwQA9WjGSw0eh8LvQXidELAW1FmiO2vI0rOpI8dIH0w5K86avlQ0zFjFy1IuljajRKwrkIWak2l638Zg/s1600/1463123_10152443602517627_1113455902_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUVZxn56n8uoDE3I2yG_zEUfHXEcQJGmpBAEwlYiGyX9LQngCtjvA_qKc3zRkMwQA9WjGSw0eh8LvQXidELAW1FmiO2vI0rOpI8dIH0w5K86avlQ0zFjFy1IuljajRKwrkIWak2l638Zg/s400/1463123_10152443602517627_1113455902_n.jpg" width="400" /></a>The lifelong struggle is what drives so many veterans with PTSD to commit suicide, ignorant statements such as "It is curable" gives these people false hope, and when that long awaited remission or cure does not happen they feel death is the only escape. I live in fear every day that one of these days my husband might become one of those statistics of veterans that lost their fight with PTSD. When he makes remarks like "I am sorry I am such a burden" my heart sinks. I tell him he is not a burden, but he just does not believe it because HE feels like he is a burden. It is not anything we say to him, it is his own internal struggle.<br />
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I am working on my 2nd masters so that I can become a counselor; I want to become licensed and help people and their spouses deal with this horrible disorder. I cannot directly help my husband. I can be supportive of him, love him, and be there for him the best that I can, but I cannot be his therapist (Lord knows I don't want to be either). I can, however, help people in similar situations as ours and try to help guide them towards hope rather than despair. Teach them that while it is not curable it is treatable and can one day become manageable with hard work and effort. I don't want any veteran thinking that a permanent solution to any problem is ever the answer. <br />
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;">If you are ever thinking about suicide and feel unsafe:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;">Call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;">Veterans, press "1" after being connected, to be routed to the Veterans Crisis Line.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;">Veterans can also chat live online with a crisis counselor to get help at any time of day or night. Go to <a href="http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/" target="_blank">Veterans Crisis Line*</a>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;">The Veterans Crisis Line also responds to text messages. Send a text to 838255.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><span style="line-height: 26.390625px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<pre style="background-color: #b5cc82; color: #333333; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 10px;">American Psychiatric Association. (2013). <em>Diagnostic and
statistical manual of mental disorders</em> (5th ed.). Arlington, VA:
American Psychiatric Publishing.</pre>
Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-18046197540331550482013-09-03T00:12:00.000-05:002013-09-03T00:12:11.582-05:00My MissionMy husband being diagnosed with PTSD has not been as easy as I had hoped it would be. Years ago I KNEW he had PTSD, he didn't. I thought once he was finally diagnosed that everything would miraculously get better, he would be put on some magical medication that would make it all go away.<br />
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How ignorant was I?? (As a side note, as I uploaded this picture to the blog my husband walked by and said "A magic pill, huh? I need that" I told him, I know... that is what this is about!" He then called me an ass...)<br />
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The reality of it all is that he has been in inpatient treatment programs twice and goes to therapy at least once a week. We have started couples counseling and he is on medications that he may or may not take. His reasons for not taking his medication are #1 It upsets his stomach and #2 It makes him feel weak. I told him I do not care, he has been prescribed it, he has to take it, and if it really makes him feel that bad he needs to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about an adjustment.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tqkA4J11GCk/UiVqsTtzRbI/AAAAAAAAA64/sScV3grbq0I/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tqkA4J11GCk/UiVqsTtzRbI/AAAAAAAAA64/sScV3grbq0I/s400/images.jpg" width="400" /></a>Things have not been peachy, but there has been improvement. He will still fly off the handle at little shit, but he is quicker to come back to reality and reason than he was before. He is starting to understand how toxic his mother is to him, and that she cannot be the support that he wants her to be no matter how hard he tries to reach out.<br />
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He is starting to understand how hard this is on me and the family and that his PTSD affects more than just him, his moods affect more than just him, and his triggers affect more than just him. I am just starting to learn about secondary PTSD. I have learned that being a spouse of a soldier with PTSD can make me feel just as alone as he feels with what he is going through.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gy-qRa-BB30/UiVtACvHCeI/AAAAAAAAA7E/A3UeDy6TmTM/s1600/ptsd01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gy-qRa-BB30/UiVtACvHCeI/AAAAAAAAA7E/A3UeDy6TmTM/s1600/ptsd01.jpg" /></a>There is no one here on this post that I have met that is married to a soldier with PTSD. No support system on this post to meet with others, share stories, and vent about the things we deal with on a day to day basis. Don't get me wrong, I have WONDERFUL family and friends, but sometimes the ear and voice of someone who is going through the same things as you are mean more than the sympathy of those that have not or are not living it. I mean, who else but a spouse of a soldier with PTSD will understand when we need to vent about the anger, the name calling, the impulsive behavior, the withdrawal, the inappropriate behavior, the nightmares, or the flashbacks (just to name a few)? We don't talk to anyone about it because it embarrasses us, or we are trying to protect them... and doing that secludes us and makes us feel alone.<br />
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So here is where my mission comes in. I know I cannot be the only one on this post that is married to a soldier with PTSD. I cannot be the only one that is living with what I am on a day to day basis. I want o start a support group for women like me who can vent, seek support, get advice, GIVE advice, and be a part of something that can help us make sense of it all and know that we are not alone in what we live with. I cannot tell you how much it helps just to talk to someone who understands, or laugh with someone who has the same stories as I do about our husbands (because to be honest, sometimes the shit they do is just ridiculous!). Tomorrow I am going to start talking to people and researching what I need to do to get this thing started... as of right now I feel alone, because for all I know I AM the only one on post that is going through this.<br />
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Another side note, if anyone wants to contact me about this or PTSD, or whatever... contact me through my blog's FB page @ <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ThroughMyInsanityAndWhatElseIsThere" target="_blank">Through My Insanity and What Else Is There?</a><br />
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-85033582630943306412013-07-20T14:04:00.001-05:002013-07-20T14:04:25.844-05:00Reintegration and PTSD SupportSo what's new? A lot... The husband is almost complete with his 10 week PTSD program at OASIS in San Diego; like so almost complete he has less than a week left and will be back by Thursday.<br />
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These last ten weeks have been a ride. I have seen changes in my husband that are hard for me to deal with. They are positive changes, but who would have known that positive changes would be so hard to accept? I have learned that things that trigger him, trigger me as well. When he touches on subjects that trigger him I am sitting here getting anxious waiting for the bomb to drop... but when it doesn't and he remains calm I am left in a hyper-vigilant state trying to calm myself and trying to remind myself that this is a good thing.<br />
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<a href="http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/047/6/2/head_desk_by_catmaniac8x-d4pz9ps.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/047/6/2/head_desk_by_catmaniac8x-d4pz9ps.gif" /></a>We started family counseling via VTC (Video Tele-Conferencing) last week, and it went well; it wasn't perfect, but it was good. The therapist mentioned rules in the home, the daughter replied "Wait, we have rules?", the husband proceeded to mock slamming his head into the table. I laughed my ass off.<br />
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His return home will not be immediate. We will do a slow reintegration so that he can adjust, the kids can adjust, and I can adjust. It is not an instant process where everyone is happy and ok. Last night the husband and I were chatting online and he seemed down about coming home, feeling like it was never going to happen. When I told him the kids were coming with me to greet him at the airport his demeanor changed and he seemed more positive about it and changed his line of thought completely. He loves the kids, and knowing that they miss him and want to have him back home means a lot to him... especially since he thought they hated him. I know they didn't hate him, but to be honest they did not like him... not him as a person, but the way he acted, reacted, and behaved.<br />
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The daughter worried that her behaviors and moods months ago was what was triggering him. To quote her "Mom, is the way I was acting back then what was pissing him off? Did I piss him off with how I was acting?" I told her that he had a limited range of emotion. I explained I think that he was more frustrated and it just translated straight to "pissed off". He saw she was upset and withdrawn, he wanted to fix it, and was upset that he couldn't. She replied "I think he will like me now better." I love my daughter. Not only is she thinking about him and what he is going through, she is recognizing how her behaviors and moods can affect others (good life lesson).<br />
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I have joined a group on Facebook called PTSD Project that I found via a page of the same name. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/WeArePTSD?fref=ts" target="_blank">PTSD Project</a> is a page that is an organization of Vets and spouses who are hoping to help their brothers and sisters in arms and their families realize they are not alone. They are in the process of applying for 501c3 status.The group is a relatively new group, and screens the people that they allow into their closed group carefully. This helps those that are struggling feel safe to share their experiences and problems without fear of being judged by the rest of their friends and family on Facebook. The group has quickly become an extended family to me, and they help me (and so many others) in ways that are amazing.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-52730614276152331232013-05-26T19:08:00.004-05:002013-05-26T19:08:56.843-05:00ProgressThe husband is beginning his third week of treatment for PTSD in San Diego. I am not sure if he is noticing the progress he is making, but I sure do.<br />
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I chat with him nightly online via Facebook video chat, or just Facebook chat, and have him tell me how his days are going. The other night he told me about one of the guys there being picked on by others in the group because he talks... a lot. I commended my husband for sticking up for the guy and telling off the bullies. I also told him how I could remember a time that he would have been just as annoyed with the talker's jabber and probably would have been just as mean.<br />
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I reminded my husband that treatment is a process for everyone and not everyone progresses at the same rate (it probably helps that he got a leg up with the treatment in San Antonio). They are all there for the same thing, just some are on different stages of progress.<br />
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Last night he told me all of the things he loves about me. These are things he has never really said before. I love knowing how he feels, and knowing that he values and appreciates me for more than the physical aspects of our relationship. Feelings are not something he expresses easily.<br />
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The man is making progress, and I believe that through all of this our relationship is getting stronger because of it. I love my husband and I am so proud of him for conquering his fears and getting help.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-31930672550968850692013-05-24T12:02:00.004-05:002013-05-24T12:02:42.944-05:00Normal?I really did pick an apt title for my blog. While I may not write as much as I used to, I am still trying. I keep finding it increasingly difficult to put into words what I am going through or what my family has been going through. Regardless... here is an update.<br />
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My daughter is driving me insane. She is 13 years old, perpetually ill, or something is going wrong with her braces, or she wants something... wait NEEDS something all the damned time. We honestly thought she was going to fail the 8th grade, but by some miracle she passed and will be going into 9th grade next year. We don't know how she did it. She told me she is happy but not as happy as she would be normally because she does not feel like she earned it. The constant drama that comes with having her in the house is a drain on my sanity.<br />
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My youngest son got caught shoplifting last week. The MP's called me and I had to go to the store to get him. He was not telling them ANYTHING- like his name, how old he was, etc. They got my info from a letter in his backpack... his little stunt could have resulted in us losing our home!! I know the kid is ADHD, but I did not raise my children to steal!!!! He has to learn to control his impulses!! So I am sending him to therapy for just that.<br />
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The husband is now in San Diego getting more treatment for his PTSD. He is about complete with his 2nd week there, 8 more weeks to go... I do not even know where to begin on that one... what to say... so for now I am just going to leave it, maybe discuss it at a later time.<br />
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I had to quit work, I did not want to, but I had to. I HATE sitting at home. I have been so bored, and with everything going on and no escape for me I have slipped into a depression of sorts. Sitting home, not wanting to go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone.... yeah, it sucks.<br />
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I have been avoiding the mother-in-law as much as I can. She called me on mother's day and I ignored the call. To be fair I was sick and did not really want to talk to anyone, though I did call my aunt and talk to her for a bit... alright so I did not want to talk to anyone that pisses me off or makes me want to hack off my arm rather than speak to them longer than 5 seconds.<br />
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I hate Alaska!! OK, the scenery is beautiful (if you leave Fairbanks), the Northern Lights are gorgeous (sucks in the summer when there is no darkness), but how remote this place is and the lack of anything to do unless you hunt, fish, drink, or use drugs is terrible! It can drive a person to drink, use drugs, or take up drunken hunting and fishing....<br />
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Back to the teen daughter thing... why does she insist on using/stealing EVERYTHING I buy for myself even if she has something of her own??? Perfect example: I bought some facial cleansers because there are times I break out like a teen and I wanted to see if these would help. I am tired of looking like a crackhead. I go into my bathroom yesterday to wash my face before bed and I see that she has used my facial cleansers!!! WHY?!?!?! That girl uses PROACTIV!!!! The <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004BC9T9G/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B004BC9T9G&linkCode=as2&tag=throumyinsana-20">Proactiv </a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=throumyinsana-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B004BC9T9G" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />works wonderfully BTW... it is the only thing that worked for her over anything else that you don't have to get from a dermatologist. She comes downstairs and I see she is wearing my clothes. Seriously??? Ugh!<br />
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I just want my life to be normal again...<br />
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But what is normal anyway??Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-75657883591916951232013-03-11T00:52:00.000-05:002013-03-11T00:52:12.085-05:00She will pray for a dog...First off, the husband is doing well. He has voluntarily signed admittance to the hospital so he can get the treatment he needs until he can go to the treatment center in Texas. He is not happy about it, but he did it... and that is a step. He wants to thank everyone for the prayers and support, I know it means a lot to him and I know he needs it.<br />
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Yesterday his CO called me on the husband's cell phone because he did not have my phone number, and he did not know that I had the husband's phone until later during the day. He advised me of visiting hours at the hospital and as soon as I got off the phone with him I went to visit the husband. During the phone call he told me that he had called the husband's mother.<br />
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If you had read any of the "Adventures in Funerals" posts you would know his mother is not a stable person. So when the CO told me that he called the husband's mother I replied with "Oh God, you didn't..." He sighed and said "Yes, I did. I had to. Her number is the only correct number I had." He then asked me for his brothers number and my phone number so that he would not have to call her again. I couldn't help but laugh.<br />
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I went to visit the husband, he was very sedated, but was able to think clearly. We talked for a bit. He told me he was sorry. I told him he has prayers and positive thoughts coming from all over. He said "Tell them thank you. I appreciate it." When I got home I called his mother... it was inevitable, I had to.<br />
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I called her and told her that he was ok. He was safe. He was getting the help he needs. I told her that what he needed right now was prayers, positive thoughts and energy sent his way. He needed to know we love him, support him, and will be behind him through all of this. I told her this at least three or four times during the phone call, all to which she replied with "Yeah.."<br />
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At one point during the call the conversation switched to our animals. My cat is newly diagnosed with diabetes, and she has a dog with diabetes. The dog, she told me, had to have life saving surgery back in January, and that the vet said the dog might not survive. She said to me: "You were talking about praying? I was praying to Jesus, God, the Virgin Mary, all the Saints, and anyone else who would hear my prayers. Please don't let my dog die, I can't handle another loss!"<br />
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That pissed me off. I tell her that her son needs prayers over what he is going through and she responds with an offhanded "yeah" but her dog has surgery and she is praying to everyone?!?!??! What the F*#K (better Aunt Janie?). Seriously, the husband asked her over a week ago to call the family in Texas to ask for prayers and she told him no, she did not want to worry them. REALLY???? What is wrong with this woman?!?!?!?<br />
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During the phone call she tried to make it about her. She said "I know he is worried about me and me being alone and stuff." To which I replied "Well, he has been told by his CO, his doctors, and ME that he has a mission to take care of himself. He is not supposed to worry about anyone but himself. He needs to focus on HIMSELF and get better!" She did not like that and ended the conversation quick. I am glad. I could not take much more of that selfish woman.<br />
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Maybe I am being overprotective of him right now, but DAMNIT! What kind of mother is she? Why does it have to be about her? Why can't she show genuine concern for her son? I told Jeff a week or so ago that he needs to learn that she is his mother, he is her son. He is NOT her parent and he has no obligation to take care of her when she is fully capable of caring for herself. It is not his responsibility just because she is being needy and does not want to help herself.<br />
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<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-46699698832636334052013-03-09T17:40:00.002-06:002013-03-09T17:40:59.939-06:00So is THIS Rock Bottom?<a href="http://ww3.tvo.org/sites/default/files/war-in-the-mind_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://ww3.tvo.org/sites/default/files/war-in-the-mind_0.jpg" width="400" /></a>Last night was one of the longest and most frightening nights I can remember having in a long time. Yes, the husband was diagnosed with PTSD, and yes he had started counseling, but all that meant is that all of the emotions, turmoil, and memories that he had held in for 10+ years started coming out.<br />
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Last night was a breaking point for him. His reality is that he was doing his school work, and getting increasingly frustrated because he was just not understanding it (algebra- I don't get it either). He got hungry and decided to go to the PX and get something to eat (this was around 8:20pm), the PX was closed and he got angry because he just wanted to eat. He texted me, and I called and he was talking to me. He decided to go to the Shopette and get something. He went in and did not see anything he wanted, so he got a Mountain Dew and went back to his room. When he pulled into the parking lot it was filled with MP's and an ambulance. He was scared, confused, and did not know what was going on.<br />
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The reality: he was doing school work, got frustrated, wanted to quit. Went to get food and got pissed because the PX was closed. He texted me "sounding" despondent. I called him and was talking to him, and while I was talking to him he "left". He went from being despondent to being in Iraq. I drove out to see him and try to calm him. By this time he was in a full on flashback. I called his best friend and tried getting him to talk to him. He did not know him, he did not know me. The look on his face was absolutely terrifying. I got out of there and went home. His best friend told me to call the MP's, he needed to be safe. I called the MP's and told them what was going on. When he returned to the barracks they were everywhere. They took him to the hospital to evaluate him. I met him there...<br />
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<a href="http://cdn.assets-phoenix.net/content/dam/altcloud/img/articles/article-destigmatizing-ptsd-in-the-military-image.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.assets-phoenix.net/content/dam/altcloud/img/articles/article-destigmatizing-ptsd-in-the-military-image.jpg" /></a>From what he thinks happened to what really happened there is a three hour lapse in time that is unaccounted for in his reality. I asked him what time he thought it was, he responded "About 9?" I told him no, it was almost 1 am. The look of confusion and fear on his face was heartbreaking. He had a full blown flashback that took him away from himself for three hours and he has no recollection of it.<br />
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This is the reality, this is a face of PTSD. Luckily he did not hurt anyone, including himself, but if I did not call for help it may have been only a matter of time before he did hurt himself or someone else. Maybe not that night, maybe not the next day, but I know it was coming.<br />
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Right now he is in the hospital getting the intensive help he needs. He is waiting for the completed referral to go to a treatment center in TX for soldiers with acute PTSD. There is hope. This is not permanent. This is scary though and he needs prayers. Please keep him in your thoughts, prayers, or send positive energy his way. He needs it.Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-50686590545703495082013-03-08T12:07:00.001-06:002013-03-08T12:08:14.065-06:00What's Next??Since the last time I wrote I decided to take a week off of work to try to get my thoughts together. So much has happened that I needed a break and I decided to cut the one thing I could from my life (if only for a week)... work. Prepare yourself for a long post...<br />
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Monday was a day from hell... I took my cat Draco to the vet because we noticed he was losing weight. I had been noticing that he was peeing lakes in the litter box, and combined with the weight loss I was afraid of diabetes. </div>
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This picture was taken at Christmas... from then when he was a fluffy 20 lb furball, till I took him to the vet on Monday he had lost 7 lbs. That 7 lb weight loss happened in a matter of weeks.</div>
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They took a blood sugar test and his numbers were over 400... diabetes. The vet suggested a low fat, low carb, high protein food for him and I grabbed the largest bag that they had there. a 20 lb bag cost me almost $60, add to that the vet's fees and I spent over $300 that morning... I still had to go get his insulin from the human pharmacist.<br />
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After the vet I had an appointment to see the husband's counselor. That went well, we discussed what he is going through emotionally, what we can expect, and what the plan is. It is a lot of information, so much so that I cannot wrap my head around it this morning (not enough coffee). Basically, he is a wreck emotionally when he can be. During his counseling appointments and such he remembers things, talks about it, cries, shakes, and allows himself to feel (and it scares him). As soon as he leaves and goes back to work he is back in soldier mode and no one at his work can see a difference in his performance. That made me feel better knowing he is holding his military bearing when he needs to- it is not affecting his job right now and no one is looking down on him. </div>
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Right after that I had to go get the daughter from school and take her to the orthodontist to get fitted for her braces. That was a 3 hour appointment. While waiting I picked up Draco's insulin and about died from the sticker shock... $155 for his insulin and syringes!!! HOLY SHIT! That cat cost me almost $500 in one day! If he was not my furbaby and if I did not love all my furbabies like my own kids... never mind, I can't even think about that. Some might say, "He is a cat! That is a lot of money for a cat!" Well yes, but if you do not love animals like my family does, if your pets are not members of your family, then you will never understand.</div>
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I got home, worked on school work, and went to bed after 11 pm. I woke up the next day at 5:30 am and started my day. I decided I needed a day to relax. No appointments, no where to go. A day to relax, sleep, and clean if I felt like it. So I called in to work, told my boss I needed a day, and prepared myself to relax! Well, that day was hijacked when the daughter's school called me and told me she was feeling sick, throwing up, and hysterical. SHIT! OK, so I go get her from school, she is having another panic attack (she has been having them a lot lately). I took her home and called Behavioral Health to see if I could get her in to see an MD to get her prescribed something for the attacks and such. They have her see a counselor who basically told her that she was doing all of this for attention and likened her panic attacks to teenage temper tantrums. She also told me that I needed to let her figure stuff out (stuff meaning how to calm herself, etc.) on her own. She had been refusing to eat or drink all morning, and I had a feeling that some of her issue was because of that. The counselor said "She will eat when she is hungry, she will drink when she is thirsty"... uh, really? No she won't. Does she know ANYTHING about teenagers? ANYTHING about behavioral health, emotional disorders... ANYTHING?!?!?!?! UGH!</div>
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I was told to take my daughter to her regular doctor to have him prescribe something for depression and anxiety. I did. He told me he does not do that, it is up to the psychiatrist to do, and she needs to see a psychiatrist. @#$%^!!!!!! He did note that the last time she went in and got labs done they noticed she was dehydrated. He explained dehydration can cause dizziness stomach upset, etc... Might be anxiety, might be dehydration, might be both? He did end up prescribing her an antidepressant, and said to follow up with a psychiatrist so that she can continue on the meds if they work. I went and got that filled and then went to Popeye's to get the daughter some mashed potatoes and fries so she could eat something soft that would not hurt her mouth (braces, remember?). </div>
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The rest of the day went great. The next day I went to work, told my boss I needed at least a week off, and went home. I was able to be home, clean, relax, and I felt great. Then Thursday came and I went to a few appointments with the husband. I wanted to know what he was being told vs. what he heard. He has so many thoughts and fears and emotions swirling around in his head he is not hearing everything as it is in reality. We left his appointments and went to meet with his CO. That went well, it is amazing how different he acts in front of his CO over the counselors. How much BETTER he listens to his CO over his counselors! Maybe it is the military authority thing, and due to the nature of his PTSD he is able to snap back well enough to listen to his CO over his female, non-military counselors. </div>
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So here is the plan. The husband is going to be sent to a 5 week or so intensive PTSD treatment center in San Antonio. He is scared, but we all think it is best for him and know he will be so much better when he gets back. I just keep telling him it is going to be ok, you can do this, you are going to be alright...</div>
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I also told him that he needs to consider the benefits to doing this and getting better. Not only will he be happy and able to relax for the first time in I don't know how many years, but he will be able to be a mentor to others that are experiencing what he is right now! He can tell them it is ok, he can tell them that this will not ruin their career AS LONG AS THEY GET HELP! PTSD is NOT PERMANENT!! It is not a death sentence if you seek and get the help you need! There is hope, and he will be able to provide a whole new perspective and level of expertise (in a way) as an NCO that he was not able to do before. This treatment is only going to make him a better person! It is just sad that he can not see any of that right now...</div>
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Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-12799218862926678292013-02-27T00:15:00.000-06:002013-02-27T00:15:40.733-06:00PTSD- FINALLY!!!Alright, so the title might seem a little strange, but after years of telling the husband that I believe he has PTSD, and years of him denying it, and years of putting up with so much bullshit... the husband finally went to get help and is getting a diagnosis. First I want to apologize if my thoughts seem to jump all over, but they are... I am going to try to type this out in the most coherent way that I can.<br />
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You have no idea how relieved I am, and scared at the same time. There was one thought that never crossed my mind through all these years: If he gets help and starts treatment, he will get worse before he gets better. It has only been a few weeks so far, and I can already see it. So many emotions and memories all welling up to the surface at once, and for a man that spent so many years hiding emotion and suppressing the memories, this is very painful for him.<br />
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I am not going to get into the nitty gritty of what finally made him get help, that is a private matter, but I will say that for a lot of soldiers it is a lot like alcoholism... they need to hit rock bottom first. He hit his rock bottom. Every time he returned from a deployment he was a little worse, and I believe that losing his father during this last deployment was the straw that broke the camel's back.<br />
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Since returning from Afghanistan this last time, and the entire time we have been in Alaska he has been reclusive. Angry. Bitter. Anxious. Every little thing a person says and does will piss him off. He would sit by himself and speak to no one, when he did speak to anyone it was full of bitter judgement and criticism. He would say things and not remember saying them... for the first time I began to fear him at times, and fear for him.<br />
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I KNEW that those awful things he said were not true, I KNEW he did not mean them... it does not mean it hurt any less, but I tried to remind myself that this man was not the man I married. The man I married was in there... somewhere... we just needed to find him. It is really hard to help a man find himself again when he says he does not know who he is. Where do you start?<br />
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He is seeing a counselor now, he is also seeing a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) specialist. Next week he will start with therapy. It is all overwhelming for him right now, and I am trying my best to try and keep up with all of the appointments. Not only do I have to keep up with his appointments, I have my own appointments, I have appointments for the kids, I have the kids to care for, schoolwork to do, and a house to TRY to keep clean... HOW THE FUCK AM I DOING ALL OF THIS?<br />
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I get two days off a week, and those days are not days of rest. I still have to be the strong one. I still have to be the optimistic one, I still have to be the happy one. While he is being negative and fearful I have to be sunshine and rainbows. I want a day of rest... a day to sit around and do nothing. I want time to exercise again, time to blog again. Those are my emotional releases and I have no time for them!<br />
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Well... anyway... to conclude, here we go on a roller coaster of emotion and dare I say... insanity? I am going to try to get back to blogging, because whether or not anyone is reading this, it is going to help me. Maybe there is another wife out there going through the same thing and needs answers or just the feeling that she is not alone. I don't know, but for a while, the next blogs I will write will be the unraveling.<br />
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-71207873626920712472012-10-27T10:30:00.001-05:002012-10-27T10:32:28.155-05:00Politics, BE DONE!Can I just say how fucking TIRED I am of seeing political bullshit on Facebook? I am almost ready to start deleting people from there! I am on Facebook to connect with people, and I don't mind people expressing their opinion... hey it's their right, but there is a certain line that gets crossed that makes people want to rip their hair out and run in circles like one foot is nailed to the floor (not like there is any escape to the political bullshit anyway).<br />
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I have posted my share of political memes and videos, just because they made me laugh. Like this one:<br />
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This is mainly because I have watched the debates, and I see Mitt Romney dodge direct questions with nonsense. Quite frankly I see Mitt Romney as a shady liar who has NO FUCKING IDEA what it is like to be as part of the lower and "middle class". Why is middle class in quotes? Because I don't think there is a middle class anymore, I think it is poor and poorer (and of course the rich and richer). Don't tell me to blame President Obama for that either, because what is happening in this country goes way beyond anything our current President has TRIED to do in his current term.</div>
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While I am on the topic of President Obama, can I just say how much it pisses me off that people don't give the man the respect he is due? I don't give a shit if you do not like him, I really don't, but as an adult, an American, and again as an ADULT, STOP WITH THE DAMN NAME CALLING! Seriously, I have seen this in my Facebook feed, people calling him "Odumma" or some shit. Really, are we 4 years old now? Also, I can pretty much guarantee that the man is a FUCK TON smarter than those that are slinging childish names at him. Ugh...</div>
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Now I am seeing religious bible quotes aimed at the elections. It does not phase me any, not like I am religious or anything, but it DOES bother me when I see people using the Bible for political reasons. It reminds me of when I was in a foster home years and years ago (I was 15 or 16 years old) and my foster mother was ranting and raving that Bill Clinton was the Anti-Christ. When Bill Clinton was elected President my foster mother flipped shit because "It was NOW the END TIMES!" To be fair she said there were a lot of things that were a sign of the end times, like video phones... as hard as I tried I could not find anything about video phones in the Bible. </div>
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One Facebook post says (and this is a direct quote) : "SO SICK OF HEARING ABOUT ABORTION! Is that really ALL we're focused on in these elections? Come on people..pretty sure there are other things that are very important than just the rights you think your uterus should have!"</div>
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Really? I really have no words for that... at all. More important issues than women's rights? Ugh... it is just as important as any other issue in my humble opinion. </div>
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I am TIRED of seeing ignorant Facebook posts about the elections! Only a few more weeks of this shit, then a few months of bitching and complaining about whoever gets elected. I just hope that the person that gets elected isn't so far removed from reality that it spins this country in a deeper hole than it is already. </div>
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On that note, I leave you with an uplifting video.</div>
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<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-58083037257111256992012-10-26T10:44:00.001-05:002012-10-26T10:55:05.553-05:00Aurora BorealisI hate saying that I have too busy to post, but it is true. The weather has been cold as hell, but it is going to get colder. Right now the coldest I have seen it was -11 F (I think that is -28 C), but it can get to -50 F or more further on in the winter. Lovely placed we have picked to move to!<br />
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The awesome thing about living in Alaska is the Northern Lights. Getting to see them and start to learn to photograph them has been awesome! I know I have a lot of learning left to do, but I have improved little by little with each photograph.<br />
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For example: take the first photos into consideration. No tripod, and me trying in vain to hold the camera still... EPIC FAIL! But it was still an interesting shot. Would have been a lot nicer if the picture was focused and the camera was still...<br />
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Then I decided I HAD to get a tripod... this made for an interesting show; meaning watching me running all over the house from the front door to the backdoor carrying my camera on my tripod trying to get the best pics. Not wearing shoes, but at least I remembered to grab my coat!</div>
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Get ready for a slightly blurry pic overload, but I love the lights and cannot wait for more to come out (when I am awake) and give me more chances to improve my technique. I did order a remote shutter release, so maybe that will help a tad?</div>
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Oh, and by the way... if anyone has tips to share to help me improve it would be most appreciated!</div>
<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-61405887046090833472012-10-26T10:25:00.003-05:002012-10-26T10:25:35.109-05:00Tales from the Trip...Back in June we left Germany and came to Alaska. The entire process to get out of Germany was a pain in the ass and I am quite surprised that I did not kill anyone before we left. Sorry, there are no pics this time, just because I am working on another blog with pics of the Northern Lights... and all my pics of the drive to Fairbanks are on another computer.<br />
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So... Once my husband FINALLY got his orders (just a few weeks before we had to leave the country) we were able to start the process of getting the hell out of there. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED Germany and being so close to so much history and other countries, but I hated the area in which we lived and the unit that my husband was attached to (morale was horrible, as was communication and organization). My husband was miserable and I just wanted to get out of there and get to a place that would help his career rather than being with a bunch of fuck-nuts that would hold him back for their own selfish gain.<br />
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It started with having to set up appointments to have all of our furniture, clothes, etc moved out of the townhouse so it could be shipped to Alaska. The initial appointment was easy, and the actual appointment was even easier (though longer due to the amount of paperwork that had to be done). We left Transpo with dates that our household and vehicle would be picked up and shipped, though the time it takes to ship it all left me a bit depressed. 52 days for unaccompanied baggage, 65 days for our vehicle, and 88 days for household goods (household goods consists of the majority of the house- unaccompanied baggage was just clothes, towels, blankets, and the kids bikes). By the way, as I am typing this we still do not have our vehicle or our household goods.<br />
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Next was SATO travel. This is where we went to arrange our flights out of country and into Alaska. I had been hearing a lot of horror stories from others in Baumholder that they were having issues with SATO when it concerned shipping their pets. I was shocked and ANGRY at the amount of people who were getting rid of their pets because they were told there were no flights for their animals, or did not want to pay what it costs to ship them. I went in there with the conviction that I came to Germany with my kitties, and DAMNIT I was leaving with them!!!<br />
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SATO tried to give me the same run around, they even said to me that I might have to find another home for them because "there were no flights out that took pets". My husband thought he was going to have to restrain me. I asked the woman if she would leave her child behind, when her mouth dropped I told her that my kitties are my babies too and she was going to find a flight that would allow me to take my pets WITH me. There was no other option. I could not ship them before me since we knew no one in Alaska, and I did not want to risk leaving them in the care of someone to ship after we left. Besides, how many people want to take on the responsibility of three cats?<br />
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After three days, THREE FUCKING DAYS, of going to SATO to figure out a flight plan because they refused to call PET SAFE and arrange our flight with the cats, which left me running from SATO into the Java Cafe to call PET SAFE via Skype to make arrangements numerous times (you know, if they would have called PET SAFE while they were making plans they could have saved us BOTH a lot of time and bullshit), I FINALLY got a flight for all of the family and the cats into Anchorage. We could not fly into Fairbanks because they do not have any certified pet handlers or some shit, and apparently if people are not trained to deal with animals they will throw pet carriers of the plane like luggage because they have no clue what "LIVE ANIMAL" stamped on a crate with a furbaby inside means or some shit.<br />
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WAY before we got orders I had arranged the hotel for us, which started out as a nightmare because I went in, called to make reservations, asked for a confirmation email or something and was told "Honey, if I say you have a room, you have a room." only to be called less than five minutes later telling me that I have no room because the person that had called to cancel before I called called back to say they MEANT to extend rather than cancel. Uh, FUCK NO! I went to the hotel and asked her how she finds that situation even REMOTELY acceptable! I told her that she should have told the people that canceled that she is very sorry, but they canceled and she already had the room rented out. By the next day she called me back and we had a room. I really hate having to tell people how to do their jobs.<br />
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Pretty much, once all of the details and arrangements had been hammered out the rest of the time there went smoothly. I arranged a shuttle bus to pick us up from the hotel to take us to the airport for €195, I got the cats their pre-flight physicals, and I just had to sit and wait.<br />
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The day of the flight we got up at 4am, the shuttle bus was there at 5am, and our flight left at 10am. We got the cats checked in with minimal fuss, though I got slightly clawed from having to take the cats out of their crates and stuff them back in for TSA. I learned my lesson from the flight over and packed WAY less so it was less burdensome to haul luggage around, and we flew on Lufthansa to Houston. They fed us somewhat edible meals and gave us Toblerone chocolates for a snack (YAY!!!! I stole the husband's and youngest son's chocolate). Arrival in Houston was... um.... horrible. I had to get the cats and take them to the cargo area of the airport to have PET SAFE ship them for the rest of our flight (by the way, because we flew on two different airlines, we had to pay twice for our babies to get to Alaska, about $1500 thank you very much). It was HOT AS HELL and HUMID in Houston... I about died! I got a cab and asked the cab driver to wait for me so that I could get back to the main terminal, he refused so I had to call ANOTHER cab that charged me twice the amount of the first cab!<br />
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We flew from Houston to Seattle, then flew from Seattle to Anchorage where we rented an SUV and drove up to Fairbanks (but not before we stopped at McDonald's). It was midnight (in Alaska- 10am in Germany), we were hungry and tired, and I wanted to get to our hotel in Fairbanks. We had about a 7 hour drive ahead of us. It was not too bad since it was daylight out still (love the land of the midnight sun), and we had slept some on the flight over.<br />
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On the way up we saw three moose (no pics of that because much like in Minnesota when I saw the bear I was too excited to remember to grab my camera) and so much beautiful scenery I marveled at how it was like Colorado, Minnesota, and Germany all wrapped in one up here!<br />
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We got to Fairbanks at about 8 am, went to the hotel and begged them to let us check in early. We made it!!!<br />
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We went to Wal Mart to get us phones and went to a dealership to pick up my new Jeep that we purchased when we were still in Germany. I bathed the cats before we did that because they were covered in urine (after a 36 hour trip wouldn't you be too?), and on the drive up to Fairbanks Soxxy decided to go exorcist and vomit all over the crate and herself. Has anyone ever told you that bathing cats is an adventure in itself?Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-39001082319724492952012-09-29T09:48:00.000-05:002012-09-29T09:48:19.618-05:00So sorry, here are my days...I thought I would have more time to blog, but I have realized that it is not as easy to make time when I have been so busy! I have been having a hard time managing my time. I sit here and wonder how I was ever able to work on my associate's degree, work full time, and take care of my family 5 years ago.<br />
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Five years later I am working on my master's degree in psychology, working full time, trying to make time for my family, and trying to make time for ME. It is not that easy when you think about it.<br />
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I wake up every day at 5:30 and wake up the daughter (who is now officially a teenager) for school. I get my coffee and try to wake up for the next hour. At 6:30 I make the kids their school lunches, make sure the daughter is out of the house before 7 to catch her bus. I then wake up the youngest son for school. I make sure he takes his medication so that he will not drive his teachers nuts during the day.<br />
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The husband comes home from morning PT not too long after the youngest leaves for school, and I am usually running around the house helping him to find the stuff he needs, then I have to get ready for work.<br />
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I am at work a little before 10 and spend the day running around there, helping people, and dealing with indecisive, bitchy, or sometimes nice people. I stand/run for over 8 hours straight then come home to either eat dinner if someone cooked it, or make dinner if no one did anything.<br />
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I then come upstairs to my room to work on school work, which can take all night (the two to three hours I have before I need to sleep) before it is time to go to bed and start it all over again!<br />
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On my days off (lately) I have been unpacking, cleaning, and running errands. I foolishly think that on my days off I will have time to relax, but it never happens, and before I know it my "weekend" is over and I am left with a long list of things I never did that I either need to find time during the week to do, or save it till the next weekend.<br />
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Pretty soon it will be winter in Alaska... like within DAYS! I am scared of how I will handle -50 weather coupled with snow and ice... I am afraid of wrecking my new car.<br />
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I have taken a few pics since my camera got here of the sunrise, or the sunset. I got to thinking about when I mentioned on my Facebook about how I can't wait to see the northern lights; how someone said it will be "like vanilla" after a while to me... but does anyone ever get bored of it? Does one ever grow bored of a beautiful sunrise or sunset? I know I don't....<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aC6lsolHH0s/UGcJjaxEouI/AAAAAAAAA3E/aerTg-INSRs/s1600/036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="428" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aC6lsolHH0s/UGcJjaxEouI/AAAAAAAAA3E/aerTg-INSRs/s640/036.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunset</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hGc-uWcXohs/UGcJqNtiHHI/AAAAAAAAA3M/1P4OiVzz4T8/s1600/061.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hGc-uWcXohs/UGcJqNtiHHI/AAAAAAAAA3M/1P4OiVzz4T8/s640/061.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunrise</td></tr>
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<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-1623815491966189012012-08-03T12:44:00.001-05:002012-08-03T12:49:01.033-05:00Health Crazes and the Shakeology CultI am in Alaska now, the trip up here was for the most part uneventful, but everything up to that point was a royal pain in the ass. I will write about that later (I have some awesome pics), but today I want to talk about an encounter I had at Wal Mart and some other health "encounters".<br />
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I ended up yelling at a Wal Mart cashier yesterday, nothing bad, she just saw my <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000OWLNBY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=throumyinsana-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B000OWLNBY">Alli</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=throumyinsana-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000OWLNBY" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" /> and she asked me if it worked. I told her that combined with eating healthy, portion control, and exercise it had helped me lose almost 80 lbs. She asked me if I ever tried the HCG diet (I think that is what it is called). I told her no, she says "It works great! You can lose 10 lbs in a week! You can only eat 500 calories though..." My jaw dropped.<br />
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"That is SO UNHEALTHY!"<br />
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"Well, it depends on what you eat."<br />
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"NO! No matter what you eat, that is UNHEALTHY! A body cannot function normally on that, it cannot sustain itself!"<br />
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"Well, the thing is, once you are done you gain it all back... quick."<br />
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"Uh, yeah, because it is not healthy and you never learned to eat right!"<br />
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It amazes me what people do to try to lose weight. I guess the newest craze is body wraps. People who offer this service or sell the wraps claim that it detoxifies the body and helps you lose inches, but the reality is that it only helps to maybe detoxify the SKIN (making it soft and smooth and help with blemishes), and any inches lost are a temporary thing. They can not help you lose weight, they can not detoxify anything within the body.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://dietdon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/funny-exercise-eating-junk-food-motivational-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://dietdon.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/funny-exercise-eating-junk-food-motivational-poster.jpg" width="240" /></a>I know, I know... I understand the mentality of these people. I have been there before. They want to lose weight and look better, but they do not want to do the work and discipline that is necessary to lose the weight. They want the miracle, or the quick fix. They want to lose weight and do nothing but pop a pill or some other dumb shit. Even gastric bypass or any of the other weight loss surgeries will not work (permanently) if the person does not learn to eat healthy and portion control. You can not go to the gym and exercise and continue to eat bad and expect to lose weight! I don't know about anyone else, but when I work out I am STARVING afterwards. People who work out without changing their diet will go work out, then eat something bad for them, more than likely ridiculously high in calories, and get upset because they are not seeing any results!<br />
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I did not intend for my blog to be all about eating healthy and weight loss, but I see and hear what other people are doing to themselves and get angry. I want to shake them and yell at them when they complain or act confused when they cannot lose weight. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT???? My husband had gained weight, he was not happy. I FINALLY got him convinced to try my diet. He rarely (if ever) drinks soda, practices portion control, and is eating healthy without complaint... he has lost eight pounds in 2 weeks. Uh, see? I DO know what I am talking about!<br />
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In my personal opinion, people need to stop looking for the easy quick fixes, and either commit to what they need to do (knowing it takes work and is not easy) or SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don't want to hear your whining, crying, and complaining if you ignored my advice and continued to do what you did before that was not working. If my advice does not work then we can re examine what you are doing and figure out what we can do that is different to get things going in the right direction.<br />
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New pet peeve? People that are SOOOO healthy, never eat meat, dairy, etc, and tell everyone else they are wrong for what they eat and are poisoning their bodies. They turn their children into vegetarian snobs who refuse to talk to children who eat meat or drink cows milk. FUCK OFF! The picture of the vegetarian dinner you had last night? Yeah, it did not look delicious, it looked like vomit. Your Beachbody/Shakeology (I think I will abbreviate it to B.S. from now on) shit? I DON'T want to try it!!! I refuse to have something that is a necessity in my diet that I can not easily get in any store. If I need added vitamins or minerals I will take a fucking vitamin! I am happy if it worked for you, but don't bad mouth me because I am not joining you on your damn bandwagon! Don't friend me on Facebook, and never talk to me other than to send me an invite to some B.S. party, summit, whatever the fuck you call it. I do not want to be a mindless B.S. zombie that does nothing but talk about how "OMG! B.S. IS SUPER AWESOME!!! ASK ME WHAT IT CAN DO FOR YOU!!!!"<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/9/2012/01/04e2233c9514e99c6055915630285e1f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="328" src="http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/9/2012/01/04e2233c9514e99c6055915630285e1f.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
My brother recently started doing that stuff (B.S.), and of course he is selling it and wanted me to try it. After three phone calls he finally got it to click in his head that I did not want to try it and he backed off. I appreciated that, but when we were in Germany it was annoying for him to IM me, ask me to call him, then listen to him try to get me to try that shit. My brother has been skinny/scrawny all of his life (asshole), but he wanted muscle so he started the whole B.S., combined with the Insanity workout and has started to gain muscle and fill out. I asked him how much of that change came from the B.S. and how much came from him exercising and changing his eating habits to eating healthy? He agreed that he thinks the majority of it came from his change in the way he ate and his workout regimen (which is really difficult for him since he drives a truck for a living). I am happy for him, but what he does is not right for me, just as what I do may not be right for others. I get it, I just wish other people would too.<br />
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What kind of health nuts or health crazes piss you off? Share with me!!!Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-51883163519350566882012-06-03T02:19:00.000-05:002012-06-03T02:19:29.924-05:00I didn't call my Blog what I did for Nothing!!!<div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">Through my Insanity, that sure is what it is right now! The orders came and we have spent the last week or two trying to make arrangements for our move. Simple, right? Not exactly.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">I was preparing myself for a fight with everyone I encountered, mainly because I had stupidly added myself to a Facebook page someone here had created specifically for the mess that the Army, congress, whoever created by disbanding the Brigade and moving thousands of soldiers and families out at the same time.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">I had heard "They aren't flying pets out! There is no room!", "We have to stay in our homes till the last day because there is no lodging at the hotel!", "They are not shipping anyone's Household Goods and Unaccompanied Baggage right now because they are full up until after June 15th!", "There are no commercial flights available for people with pets!". I was freaking out, we have pets, 3 of them. We came here with them, we are not leaving with them. We have to have our things out of our home before June 15th because we are LEAVING! I NEED a hotel for my family, we cannot stay in our home until the last day... we do not live on post!! I realized that page was freaking me out more than I needed to be, and that just because other people were having issues did not mean I would. I removed myself from it. </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">My husbands orders came in and we went straight to transportation to arrange shipment of our stuff in the house. We got an appointment right away and our things will be picked up and shipped before we leave. We will have to live without our things for a while since it will take 65 days for our vehicle to get to Alaska, 88 days for our furniture and other stuff, and 52 days for the unaccompanied baggage. I got a hotel room reserved for us a few months ago, and rechecked our status; the room is still waiting on us to move into on Tuesday. The only headache I encountered was getting our plane tickets. </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">It took me three days to arrange our flight. "There is no way we can fly you guys and your three cats out at the same time, they will have to go before you (or after you), or you need to call pet shipping companies." I was told United and Continental do not fly pets anymore. I argued with them, told them they were wrong. They were adamant about it. I asked them to call and clarify, she called someone and spoke to someone in German so I had no idea what was being said on either end. I told her "I am American, I do not speak German. I do not appreciate you speaking German when it concerns me because I have no idea what is being said", she insisted that she was trying to help but there was still no way I could get the cats on a flight with me. I went home in tears to call the airline myself and get answers. </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://photos.weddingbycolor.com/p/000/025/058/m/154029/p/photo/401289.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://photos.weddingbycolor.com/p/000/025/058/m/154029/p/photo/401289.jpg" width="234" /></a></div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">When I called they stated that they would fly my pet, that military families on PCS orders were an exception. OK, got it... I went back and told the people at SATO Travel that I could fly my pets on United no issue. They made arrangements for me and I called PetSafe to make the cats flight arrangements and I was told they cannot fly the cats straight into Fairbanks because there is no one there that can take responsibility for getting the cats off of the plane, like certified pet handlers or something (Seriously? Like if a baggage handler saw a cat carrier they would throw it off of the plane like they do the luggage??? Hmmm... maybe). Ok, so we have to fly to Anchorage and then drive to Fairbanks... a six hour drive. Wow, ok... we can do it. Originally I was going to have the husband and my daughter fly to Anchorage, and the youngest son and I would fly to Fairbanks, but the husband threw a minor hissy fit because of driving with jet lag, blah, blah, blah... so I said I would do it. He replied no, I can't drive (whatever makes him feel special) he would do it but continued to complain. So I changed the flight to all of us flying into Anchorage and driving to Fairbanks. Then we found out that we were going to have to pay twice to have the cats flown out with us. Once on Lufthansa and again on United. This was going to cost us around $1300 or $1400 just for the cats! The husband pitched a fit about that and after I had FINALLY got all of the arrangements made and aligned between SATO and Petsafe said he was going to go to SATO in Ramstein and start all over again. He thought he could get us a flight from Frankfurt to Fairbanks with the cats and only having to pay once. I knew this was not going to happen unless we paid for the plane tickets for all of us on our own and risk not being reimbursed by the Army later. Sorry, not gonna happen... I flipped shit and yelled, cried, and screamed at him just to LEAVE IT AS IT WAS. He was even talking about just sending the cats to his mom... uh... no. It is bad enough she has our DOGS. I REFUSE to part with my kitties!!! Especially with THAT WOMAN! </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://millies.com.sg/prestashop/img/p/1172-706-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://millies.com.sg/prestashop/img/p/1172-706-large.jpg" width="200" /></a>Three fucking days of fighting to get a flight, and calling between the two companies because SATO refused to call themselves and make it easier on all of us. Didn't they realize that if they called to begin with that it would have saved us ALL a lot of time and work???? Fuckers... After the 2nd day I went home and got drunk. I bought two bottles of wine, one for that night, and one for later down the line because I KNEW I would need it. Since I have not drank in over a year I knew one bottle would get me drunk.</div><div style="color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/tsminteractive.com/files/2012/04/alexander-skarsgard-true-blood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/tsminteractive.com/files/2012/04/alexander-skarsgard-true-blood.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nom, nom, nom...</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">We decided to try to purchase a car to be waiting for us in Fairbanks, that way we would not have to rent while we waited on the Envoy to get there. We applied and were told we were approved for a loan. When we went to the bank to finish the paperwork the stupid bitch there started us from scratch to apply for a loan, even though we were told we were already approved. She kept arguing with me on what pay was what and what we get. HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT! I am NOT a stupid blonde, nor am I a stupid Army wife. I am an educated woman and most of the time I am right about what I say!!! If I am not sure I will say so, but I will not pretend to know about things that I don't. The looks she gave me on top of the arguing set me off. I got up and walked out of the bank. I sat in the Envoy and read my Sony eReader (Sookie Stackhouse Series if you were wondering). </div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCEl4XefY-7ehEPOL_v-l5mv47wUomPWbgJH8zsqf0KGE774LU1Csr1Ee5DZZXE4l5IxTdxMXTycEFsFymC7A48YOSZxVS5meeT5ryHnXOH4vXw-SWFCdx2MBqXw2L6IBQjOmX-Vh6mgQ/s1600/First-Ever-Tattooed-Barbie-1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCEl4XefY-7ehEPOL_v-l5mv47wUomPWbgJH8zsqf0KGE774LU1Csr1Ee5DZZXE4l5IxTdxMXTycEFsFymC7A48YOSZxVS5meeT5ryHnXOH4vXw-SWFCdx2MBqXw2L6IBQjOmX-Vh6mgQ/s200/First-Ever-Tattooed-Barbie-1.jpg" width="191" /></a>The husband called me on my phone asking me to come inside. I yelled "NO! You know I hate more than anything to be treated and talked to like I am stupid! I know for a FACT I am more educated than that stupid bitch in there and I will NOT have her talk to me in that manner. I refuse to go in there, you can do whatever without me." Just because I am blonde, just because I have pink in my hair, just because I have tattoos, and just because I have a pierced tongue does not mean I am not educated. Looks can be deceiving people!</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://www.mobilityfeeds.com/.a/6a0134862db50d970c0168eabd1b57970c-500wi" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="243" src="http://www.mobilityfeeds.com/.a/6a0134862db50d970c0168eabd1b57970c-500wi" width="320" /></a>To top it all off, some stupid German cut some line with more than 100 cables doing construction. We (along with all of our neighbors and the majority of people in Baumholder) had no phone and no internet for DAYS! I still do not have phone, but now I have internet, but I was flipping out. How do I call who I need to? How do I research what I need to??? How do I play Castleville?????? The internet is my life blood. At least I can make phone calls on Skype if I have no phone, if I have no internet I slowly shrivel up and die.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://www.synapse3di.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Baby-bird-leaving-nest-via-a-kick.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.synapse3di.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Baby-bird-leaving-nest-via-a-kick.jpg" width="267" /></a>Another added stress-er is that my oldest son has flown the nest and begun his adult life on his own. He left a week ago today back to the United States. While I know this was something he had to do, it has been hard for me. I had my son when I was 14. He and I have a bond that I do not share with my other children mainly because we kind of grew up together. My oldest is like my son, brother, and best friend all in one. I still have moments when I think he is still here for a split second. I still have moments where I will shed a tear or two. It just makes it so much harder not having him here with me.</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: -webkit-auto; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;">Right now I am focused on trying to clean, get rid of unnecessary shit, sell all of my appliances since they are all 220v and will not work in Alaska, and keep what little sanity I have remaining. Today I need to go clean and detail the vehicle so that it is ready to be shipped. I also need to continue cleaning everything in this house. I feel like I am doing it alone, but sometimes it is better that way because I know that it is getting done right if I am the one doing it.</div>Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2280440464316576815.post-2803518251079831552012-05-02T05:18:00.001-05:002012-05-02T05:18:16.183-05:00The Fun Is OverSpain was fun, Paris was a blast... now we are home.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://alaskarella.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/aurora_fairbanks_alaska.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://alaskarella.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/aurora_fairbanks_alaska.jpg" width="320" /></a>The husband re enlisted in the Army for another 4 years and we are on assignment. We are leaving Germany and moving to Alaska. Yes, I am happy and excited about the move, but at the same time I am freaking out and my head is spinning. Why? Let me explain...<br />
<br />
The brigade here in Baumholder is disbanding, which would be the same as a company or factory closing down. Some people are being transferred to other locations, some people are getting out of the army, and some are being kicked out of the army.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5vo9GDNozSzsHDWRYP8VGbJ9Of9WJJfxYY5sjezgcczgjA46hBm6oVkhfC-N2kxfmV3POKwkLgT30odJsOsGuTvAnzCNhJSHBrN29Kh9o0wq6PD7A4mjgv53RzMd3WMNgzer8E725SrQ/s320/530001924_df7b4bb086_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5vo9GDNozSzsHDWRYP8VGbJ9Of9WJJfxYY5sjezgcczgjA46hBm6oVkhfC-N2kxfmV3POKwkLgT30odJsOsGuTvAnzCNhJSHBrN29Kh9o0wq6PD7A4mjgv53RzMd3WMNgzer8E725SrQ/s320/530001924_df7b4bb086_m.jpg" /></a>The majority of people that are staying in the army are moving to other locations. All at roughly the same time frame. Over 4000 families all trying to get out of here at the same time. Most of everyone here do not even have their orders yet. The orders are what is needed to make things official really. Without orders no one can get their belongings packed up and shipped out, no one can ship their vehicle to where they are going, no one can get their airline tickets. There are not enough personnel to assist everyone with this process to make it smoother. It is really frustrating, and at this moment I am feeling very overwhelmed.<br />
<br />
I am doing everything that I can do without the orders, but the other issue is that the date we are eligible to return overseas (DEROS) is almost two months BEFORE the date my husband is supposed to report to his new duty station. He asked me if I wanted to go Stateside first and travel... no. We have three cats that will be traveling with us and that would make things way too stressful on us and them. So we are going straight to Alaska. Fine. So where are we going to stay? I checked military lodging and they are booked solid for the time frame in which we are leaving here. That leaves us having to get a hotel room off post. Fine. That will deplete some of our funds that I wanted to use for first months rent, deposit, utility hook ups, etc for our new place (wherever that might be).<br />
<br />
Our DEROS is also just barely over a month from now... and still no orders. We leave in a month and a half (roughly) and all of our belongings are still here, our car is still here, we have no tickets out of this place... I just want to cry.<br />
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In addition to all this I have to take the cats to the vet next week, take my daughter in to see a doctor to see if she has depression or not so that they know whether she needs to be on EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program), take my son to the doctor for the same reason but for his ADHD. I am highly annoyed right now. DON'T FUCK WITH ME! Just get what I need done, DONE, and let us be on our way!!!<br />
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I am normally able to handle stress, but sometimes there is so much that all happens at once and you need to be reminded to just take a step back and breathe.<br />
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<br />Laurahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15578176040252115032noreply@blogger.com3