Tuesday, December 14, 2010

If you get butt hurt, then I will get butt hurt, then EVERYONE is gonna get butt hurt!

Why would someone get so upset about you getting your feelings hurt? I mean not upset FOR you, but upset AT you. My first blog discussed my feelings that I had (still have, trying to work through them) after surgery and none of the people that I thought of as friends came by to see me. I did not expect anyone to spend all day with me, but if no one honestly had the time to spend for a visit would a 5 minute pop in "Hey, I wanted to check on you and see how you were. I can't stay, but I wanted to see how you were." been hard? 5 minutes (or less) out of a 16-18 hour day does not seem too much to ask for.

Granted after more than a week had passed and my neighbor called me and I told her how lonely I was and wanted company she did come by, the ONLY one that did after I stated I needed company, but I was hurt that she did not call sooner or something. I am more pissed off and hurt at the others in this TINY town that never called, stopped by, sent me a message, whatever. Two and a half weeks later a visit from anyone would seem pointless and make me feel like an afterthought. It hurts when you feel ignored, it hurts when you feel forgotten, it hurts when you feel left out.

I don't have many people that I talk to here in Baumholder (I am afraid to use the term friend anymore because I am unsure if anyone really was a true friend rather than an acquaintance), and there are a lot of people that dislike me for some odd reason even though they really have never met me... meh, I care less, but it does bother me sometimes. When I am treated like I have the plague by people I do not know (but seem to know me) it bothers me, when I feel like I am treated like that by people I know, talked to almost daily, shopped with, ate with, and drank with... well that hurts a lot.

So with the sudden "climate change" in these relationships comes a certain amount of paranoia. I am certain they are talking bad about me behind my back, and why wouldn't they? They talked about others badly behind their back... it only makes sense. How would you go about saying to someone "Hey, I know you couldn't stand so and so and you told me that so and so lies. I also know you say you have nothing in common with and nothing to talk about with so and so (sorry for the lack of a made up name), and after all of this I still see you talking and hanging out like you are best buds. This makes me wonder what has been said to so and so about me when I am not around.", and say it in a manner to promote discussion rather than defensiveness?

I know this is a high school mentality, and that drives me nuts. If I do not like someone I do not like them... I am not going to pretend to be buds "just in case I need them someday". I would rather have real friends, people I know that I can count on no matter what, people that genuinely care about me as much as I do them.  I just know that I would never leave a friend with no company after surgery... yes I have been in that situation and I was there the day after she got home with crackers for her upset tummy and good old-fashioned company.

So yes, this was a vent. This is how I feel, this is why I am upset. I am fairly certain that if the tables were turned they would feel just the same as I am right now- well at least the emotional pain part.. maybe not the paranoia (not sure).


pottymouthmommy said...

/cry.... if I could... and things weren't in such a shitstorm of turmoil here I would be on a plane two weeks ago to come take care of you...

god I wish I was closer....

Melissa said...

I think this is a great way to vent your feelings. I also know how you feel with no one coming around after surgery....like you have an incurable disease and they are going to die when they set foot in your house ;( but I miss you terrible and would be there with crackers and good movie and casseroles for your freezer if I could. Love you honey hope it gets better soon