Wednesday, May 4, 2011

What To Do?

This is a very hard blog for me to write. When it comes to personal problems I am a pretty private person. Right now though my mind is spinning and I cannot think.

The night before last my husband was talking to me online. We had been online for about an hour, and not really saying much of anything, so I told him I needed to get my schoolwork done and get to bed (it was 10:30 at night). He got upset and got offline, then he called me and asked me if I was happy. He said he was not happy and could not put his finger on why he was not happy. He said I had changed, I seemed withdrawn (I had withdrawn a bit from him because I would try not to upset him), and while he loves me a lot he thought it would be best for him to let me go.

In all honesty I thought it was just another PTSD moment and he would get over it. Now I think it may be a midlife crisis and I have no idea how to deal with it. He does not want to be in the Army anymore, and he will be out in a year in a half... but he has no clue what he wants to do with his life. He says he wants to be a mercenary... he gets upset with me because I am not supportive of him. I am supposed to be supportive of THAT?!?!?!

I know he wants a child. I cannot have anymore children. He knew this when we met...
Then this morning I wake up to see that he is not listed as married on Facebook and does not have the children listed as his kids anymore (they are not his biologically).

So now I am trying to figure out what is going through his mind, trying to figure out what I need to do, trying to figure out where I am supposed to go. I feel so lost and confused....

** UPDATE**

So, the husband called... SGT Jekyll. I say this because during the last deployment I had nicknamed him SGT Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde because of his mood swings. So based on my earlier post, he had done flipped his fucking lid... then I get a phone call about 10 minutes ago. He says everyone was coming to him asking wtf was going on (damn, news travels fast- I did not say anything about this till this morning), he said he said and did all of that because he was mad because I was not being supportive. I told him that was not a rational reaction. He says he does not talk to anyone, and won't because he is worried about it fucking his career and making him look bad (even though in my opinion it makes him look bad no matter what).

He said "we had an argument" I told him, no we did not... he just busted that shit out of nowhere. Normally he gets mad, may give me the silent treatment for a few days, and then everything is peachy. This seemed different to me this time, he never disowned me (in a sense) before. 

I am pretty damn sure he has PTSD, I have been sure for a long damn while. I swear to GOD!!!! Grrr! I have been dealing with this for 2 days now... so yeah, I need a drink....

11 comments:

alejandro guzman said...

I can't imagine the life he and you lead, therefore it is not for me to put my two bits in.

Be strong as I know you are and just talk with him. Be honest and open.

Love A

Bongo said...

Ohhhhhhhhh Laura.....I don't even know what to say....I don't have the answers ..or even the words....I can only imagine the tornado swirling around..and tell you if you need an ear...a shoulder..a hand ..it's here for you.....As always..XOXOXO

Anonymous said...

I cannot even imagine how hard this is to deal with right now. When something like this comes up you want to be able to talk to them and have a conversation. You guys have been through a ton this last year, moving half way across the world is not easy at all and a huge adjustment for everyone. I agree with Alejandro, you guys will just have to lay all your feelings out there and sort through them. Hopefully Jeff is willing to do that and talk it out with you. I wish you all the best and send my support from here. I hope that you guys can get this worked through. I know that "mid-life" crisis's happen and they are hard to get through. I am so sorry that you have to try and work through this while he is deployed. (((HUGS))) - Stacey

pottymouthmommy said...

The hell?? This is what happens when I have no internet!!

Sweety, I am soooo sorry. I honestly think that it very likely has a lot to do with him being deployed right now. He is feeling insecure, and scared, and is pushing you away because he probably (mistakenly) thinks it will hurt you less if something were to happen to him. I know that doesn't make his behaviour any easier to deal with, just remember this and kick his ass when he gets home.

I love you honey, and if you need to talk- you know where I am.

[sending hugs]

YogaSavy said...

I cannot begin to think what must be going through your mind right now.... it is hard and the ground beneath you must be shaking.... I am sure you will talk and figure out something.... Sending you lots of hugs
Love and Light always

Mary said...

Laura, there are no easy answers when you find yourself dealing with this situation. Your mind whirls in 100 different directions and you can't seem to get your feet planted firmly on the ground. Get yourself to a place in your mind that you can think rationally and go from there. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I am here :) as I know you have a lot of us that are behind you and support you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Debbie said...

I hate online communication in some ways because your facial expressions and emotional responses and the tone you speak with can be misconstrued and things spiral out of hand. As an outsider looking in I would say he feels scared being where he is. He needs you to open up to him. I know you are probably trying to save his feelings but that may come across as you not caring as much. I am sure he knows you do though. His behaviour is of someone having a paddy and crying out for attention. IMO. Hope things get sorted Laura...hugs xx

Yes I Blog said...

Sorry girl. Big hugs. Will be praying for you all.

Jewell said...

Laura...I have nothing inspirational to add to the comments, but I do want to add my 2 bits of support, and love to you both! Not having had to experience this before, I am empty of any wisdom, but I will keep you both in my heart and send you both love and healing daily that you will find your way through this. xoxo <3

Janie said...

Oh, my poor baby niece..... I do feel the heartache and shock you feel. As others have said, just talk to him openly and honestly. I think he is looking for huge amounts of support and love from you because he doesn't have anyone else. You give him all that you can afford to give him, but you're gonna hafta give more even though it might kick your behind later, if anything should happen to him. My thoughts went back to a couple of blogs ago when he asked you to change your hair color back to blonde and your answer to him. That would show him your heart is in the right place and your are willing to go the extra mile for him, if you would talk to him next time as a blonde again. He might be thinking his opinions and feelings don't count. I don't know. I could be completely wrong. BUT!!! If you need me, I'm only a phone call away. I love you. .......AJ

Corinne @ Everyday Gyaan said...

Laura - I've been away and have been catching up on your posts. I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. Distance and insecurity are not good ingredients for a marriage. I guess he's struggling with his own decisions and it's always easy to lash out at those we love at times like this. Could it be too that the fact that you are studying makes your hubby insecure? Perhaps an email from you laying out your own fears and insecurities about your relationship and his wanting to be a mercenary might help....Thinking of you and hoping this too shall pass - soon.
Hugs
Corinne