Saturday, June 25, 2011

Adventures in Funerals: Part 2

Well I did not figure that eating at Arby's one time would KILL me, or even ruin my diet if I just caved the one time and went back to my diet the next day, right?? Besides, I was in America! I had not eaten Arby's in more than a year and a half!!! It is good to indulge now and again!

My sister in law and I were leaving Arby's, and standing outside so I could smoke when my brother in law called her. I half listened in, but not much I could tell from hearing "HI. What? Why? Ok, I will see what I can do." I could not stop myself from asking her what the phone call was about when she told me that my brother in law told her that she needed to call the airport in Minneapolis to have my husband call his mother right away. I replied with a "WHAT?!?!?!?"

Apparently my husband's brother and his mother were arguing, and she wanted to talk to my husband... when he was an hour from getting there, and more than likely about to board the plane. I was heated...

"Oh HELL NO! That is NOT going to happen! Don't call the airport! He is more than likely about to board the plane, and I will be damned if this shit is going to start before he even steps foot off the plane here! I want him to get here, get showered, eat, and get a good night's rest before he even has to start dealing with this shit!"

I was not mad at my sister in law, she knew that. She told me she would not call and tell her husband that she tried and that he was already on the plane. I found out later from my husband that my mother in law had called the airport, but my husband was just about to board the plane, so he never called her back. Yay for that. I did not need him stepping off the plane in a bad mood.

She and I had a little time to kill, so we drove around for a bit before heading to the airport to pick up my husband. While we were driving she told me that if we were over at my mother in law's house NOT to eat anything. She explained to me that in January one of her dogs (a poodle) got loose and was hit by a car and died. My mother in law called my brother in law telling him he needed to come over and bury the dog. He said he could not, the ground was too frozen to dig. She got mad at him, called the neighbors, and made them try to bury the dog, but they soon found out that the ground was frozen (after trying to dig for 30 minutes) and gave up... so she put the dog in a bag, in a box.... in the freezer. Wow, ok... thanks for the tip.

We got to the airport, my husband arrived, and he got off the plane. I hugged him, kissed him, and he was ready to get going. We got to his brother's house and his mother was there waiting. Damn. He took her cell phone so that he would have a means of communication while we were there, and at some point I looked at the photos on the phone. Death , death, and more death. There were numerous pictures of the dead dog (taken AFTER the dog died), and 4 pictures of my dead father in law (2 taken while he was on life support, and 2 taken after he was taken off). My brother in law told me there would have been more, but my mother in law refused to delete any pictures of the dead dog from the phone. I never told my husband about the pictures.

After we took my husband to Perkins to eat we had to go back to the airport because his mother had ordered an Air Force uniform jacket to be flown in that night for his father to be buried in. The lady that was delivering it was a tiny toothpick of a woman named Apple. She handed the box to my husband (who was still in his combat uniform because we still had not been to the hotel at this point), stood there, and then walked over to hug me. I was confused... why was she hugging me??? She hugged no one else. I told them as we were leaving it was because of the pink hair... I get special treatment. We soon found out the jacket would not fit, and I tried telling them that they were not going to find a jacket that fit because they do not EXIST in the size they needed! No offense, but my father in law was a VERY large man, so Air Force jackets do not exist in the size they needed because there is no one in the military that size (he wore a 5X in shirts, ok?). Even if you cut the jacket down the back it would not fit because it would not fit over his arms. After much grief stricken internet searching, my husband realized this and I told him that they could just frame the jacket with his award ribbons instead.

What I was picturing and what was made were two different things. I wish I took a picture of this monstrosity because it ended up being something that looked like it belonged in a war museum and not something one would hang in their home. It was about 4 feet or so high, 4 feet in length, and about 2 inches thick. There was 2 wooden plaques from his service in Vietnam in there, the jacket, 2 pictures of him when he first enlisted, and a poem (with word being given to me by my husband that more would be going in there). It is now called "The Shrine" by my husband.

We now had to go find something for my father in law to wear to be buried in, as well as clothes for my brother in law and my mother in law. We also had to get the dog buried and get her house cleaned up before my mother in law's father and brother arrived the next day (and do it when she was not home)...


alejandro guzman said...

dead dog? I am getting confused with the amount of in-laws lol and now mother in-laws father on top of it oh boy...


Laura said...

The mother in law's father and brother were driving to Minnesota from Texas for the funeral and support.

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Laura - You've got us all panting for more - I know it was a sad time and an awful experience, but boy are you good at writing!! And now I'm beginning to wonder how old the father of the mother-in-law is - sorry, just asking ;)

Nelieta said...

What a story Laura! Looking forward to read the second part!

Finding One's Way said...


Nice way to keep us coming back for more..
When is the second part out due for release??
Waiting with baited breath

Jewell said...

Oh thank (insert deity of choice here)! I am so glad that I am not the only one that has a crazy mother-in-law! I so totally wouldn't put it past my mother-in-law to house a dead animal in her freezer in the dead of winter. Gack! =-p

Jim said...

Nothing unusual about a dead dog in your freezer...had a dead guinea pig in ours. Now that was some story.
Roll on Part 3. Unlike some around here, I can count. :-)