You Were Never There

Here is something that has been going through my mind for the last few days. My father passed away in October. He was an Army veteran and had told me he was in Vietnam. He had nothing to prove this and I had never asked for proof because why would he lie to me?

I had written a paper on him and his experiences when I was in high school. I remember it clearly. I had asked him if he would be willing to be interviewed for it and he told me to sit down and pay close attention because he was only going to tell his story once. He didn't like talking about it and he would never speak of it again.

His story was vivid, and he went into as much detail as he could. I remember my father waking up in the middle of the night at times rushing outside because he couldn't breath. I had heard it was because he was having flashbacks from when he was in Vietnam, being in a tunnel, and someone had gassed it; he was trying to get out of the tunnel so he could breath again. I had felt shrapnel from a mortar in his scalp.

He would tell me about his first stint in the army when he was in Germany, met a German woman, and married her. How she died in a car accident. I have that photo of him and her together in Germany. His stories included "a buddy of mine", never any names that I can remember... and he would tell me he learned not to make friends with anyone because then it wouldn't hurt so much when they were killed.

After my father dies I wrote to the National Archives asking for his full military records including anything from Vietnam. A few days ago I got a letter back with the information I already had from his time in service with a note stating there were no records or orders to substantiate any service in Vietnam and his overseas duty was in Germany.

Now here is where things get confusing, at least for me.They gave me a list of his medals. One of them is the Overseas Service Ribbon with the numeral 2. This means he was overseas twice. When he was in Germany when I was a kid (I was there too) he never went back overseas after that. He never went before that for that current enlistment. My mother and he got married, he was stationed in Washington, then stationed in Germany, and then Colorado; he finished his enlistment out in Colorado. What was the other overseas tour?? Was it the time he was there and met his wife? I am trying to remember if he said he was there stationed or just went there on R&R. How was he in then and able to not get sent to Vietnam? Something is missing here.

I am not sure where to go from here. I am going to send off for his Selective Service record, since he was of age during the Vietnam draft. I am going to send off for as much information as I can, but not knowing who he served with, or any other details because my father was a SUPER private man is going to make this difficult. I refuse to believe he lied to me. I have done some searching online and have seen numerous other Vietnam vets that have been told "You were never there", and trying to find a way to prove it because they needed to make a claim with the VA because of cancer or something else connected to their service in Vietnam. This isn't right. I refused to allow my father's memory to be sullied by the government that can't ever keep records straight.

This might explain why my father chose to be buried in the local cemetery rather than in a national cemetery. He probably knew they lost his records, he probably knew they were denying he was there, and he didn't have the energy or means to fight it. He was also too proud a man to discuss any of his issues he had had with the VA over many years. He wanted to be remembered for his service in Vietnam on his headstone and he made sure he was. If he was buried in a national cemetery he wouldn't have been remembered as such. It was his way of telling them FUCK YOU I WAS THERE!

Anyway, I am feeling lost, and apart from requesting his selective service record I am not sure where to go from here. If anyone knows, please let me know.