Here again! My last post was almost 4 years ago... damn. I am awful.A friend of mine from when I lived in Germany suggested I start writing again as stress relief. Goodness knows I need to. No one is probably reading this anymore, but if anything I am getting it out. Facebook is not a diary, but this can be... sort of. SOOOOOOOOOO much has happened in that 4 years, and I am not even sure how to even start on what has been going on.
When I last posted I believe I was working Loss Prevention at AAFES, I did that for a few years and then quit for a job at MWR that I left out of misery and then started working as a Loss Prevention Manager at Lowe's in Fairbanks. While I had a few issues while I was working there I loved my job, loved my fellow LPM's in Anchorage, and loved the boss I had.
The most recent thing is we are no longer in Alaska. We moved to Texas in July 2017 and it has been nothing short of a culture shock to me. I quit my job that I LOVED in Alaska to move because big army said so and was unable to find a job for 6 months. The job I left in Alaska opened the day we landed in Texas and so I applied for it, I interviewed, I was not selected. I was devastated. Every job I applied for I was either completely ignored, got a thanks but no thanks email, or called for an interview and then rejected (sometimes radio silence after an interview which I found EXTREMELY unprofessional). I finally got a job but I hate it. I mean, I love what I am doing (loss prevention), but management is toxic and the pay sucks horribly. They can't blame it on Texas vs. Alaska because places off post (yes, I am working for AAFES, seems I have come full circle in a way... boo) here in Texas pay more than this place does. I have 3+ years of experience and a masters degree and I am getting low wages. I took the job because I panicked and was desperate. My unemployment was about to run out and no one was hiring me. I was wondering if something was wrong with me... but people have been telling me that here it is not about what you know it is about WHO you know. I have never had that issue before.
My father passed away in October. I have not seen him since right before we moved to Germany. I called him often, but I was never able to get to Nebraska to see him... I feel awful about that. It was apparent by how he was living that he was a very lonely and depressed man. I hope in death he has found the peace he couldn't find in life. He died of natural causes, but you could tell he had given up.
A few years ago my daughter was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. As it stands now it's just anxiety and ADHD, and she has made some MASSIVE strides in her own recovery and I have had to be a strong advocate for her. I was taking her to counseling appointments weekly, then biweekly. I was taking her to appointments for medications she needed. I was fighting with army docs over medications. Just recently she was diagnosed with endometriosis. She is taking it well and hoping it was caught early enough to not have caused much damage internally so that she can have children some day. She will be graduating high school next year if all goes well.
I called it quits on my last attempt at a masters degree. I finished all my coursework and stopped at practicum and internship because of some major soul searching. With everything going on in my life; with my husband with PTSD and my daughter with her anxiety, and with me being the one to deal with it I realized that if I became a counselor I would NEVER get a break. I would burn out FAST. It wasn't the right time for me to do it.... and while my passion behind doing it is the same, I realized that my passion wouldn't save whatever sanity I have left.
So here is some good stuff! We got another dog. The husband named him Sapper because "he was going to be his dog", but Sapper decided that I was his human... I wanted to name him Bear, either way we had to change the name he came to us with: "T-Bone"... this dog is not a steak. I have a job interview on Tuesday and I hope that it ends well because I need out of the job I have. Fingers crossed! It's just a supervisor position, but its better than what I have now and if I get it I can have an easier track into management.
I cleaned out my Facebook from a LOT of negativity. People who I had thought were friends that were just a cancer eating away at my confidence and whatnot. At first I kept them around to keep an eye on them, but then realized I won't see any bullshit on there so I realized better to cut ties and be done with it... it actually relieved a lot of stress. I keep my friend circle small and share very little with people because I have trust issues. I am too old for high school drama.
I will do my best to blog regularly again and make them more entertaining than this one was. I just felt like I needed to explain why I was gone for so long. Something has to change. The stress I am under has caused me to emotionally eat, which caused me to gain weight, which makes me more unhappy. So here is to hope. Here is to luck.
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