How ignorant was I?? (As a side note, as I uploaded this picture to the blog my husband walked by and said "A magic pill, huh? I need that" I told him, I know... that is what this is about!" He then called me an ass...)
The reality of it all is that he has been in inpatient treatment programs twice and goes to therapy at least once a week. We have started couples counseling and he is on medications that he may or may not take. His reasons for not taking his medication are #1 It upsets his stomach and #2 It makes him feel weak. I told him I do not care, he has been prescribed it, he has to take it, and if it really makes him feel that bad he needs to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about an adjustment.
Things have not been peachy, but there has been improvement. He will still fly off the handle at little shit, but he is quicker to come back to reality and reason than he was before. He is starting to understand how toxic his mother is to him, and that she cannot be the support that he wants her to be no matter how hard he tries to reach out.He is starting to understand how hard this is on me and the family and that his PTSD affects more than just him, his moods affect more than just him, and his triggers affect more than just him. I am just starting to learn about secondary PTSD. I have learned that being a spouse of a soldier with PTSD can make me feel just as alone as he feels with what he is going through.
There is no one here on this post that I have met that is married to a soldier with PTSD. No support system on this post to meet with others, share stories, and vent about the things we deal with on a day to day basis. Don't get me wrong, I have WONDERFUL family and friends, but sometimes the ear and voice of someone who is going through the same things as you are mean more than the sympathy of those that have not or are not living it. I mean, who else but a spouse of a soldier with PTSD will understand when we need to vent about the anger, the name calling, the impulsive behavior, the withdrawal, the inappropriate behavior, the nightmares, or the flashbacks (just to name a few)? We don't talk to anyone about it because it embarrasses us, or we are trying to protect them... and doing that secludes us and makes us feel alone.So here is where my mission comes in. I know I cannot be the only one on this post that is married to a soldier with PTSD. I cannot be the only one that is living with what I am on a day to day basis. I want o start a support group for women like me who can vent, seek support, get advice, GIVE advice, and be a part of something that can help us make sense of it all and know that we are not alone in what we live with. I cannot tell you how much it helps just to talk to someone who understands, or laugh with someone who has the same stories as I do about our husbands (because to be honest, sometimes the shit they do is just ridiculous!). Tomorrow I am going to start talking to people and researching what I need to do to get this thing started... as of right now I feel alone, because for all I know I AM the only one on post that is going through this.
Another side note, if anyone wants to contact me about this or PTSD, or whatever... contact me through my blog's FB page @ Through My Insanity and What Else Is There?
