Toxicity

Every day I go into work I fantasize about being able to quit. Seriously. All I am waiting for is a phone call from a prospective employer telling me I was selected for a job and I will quit where I am now. I have fantasized about this since the first few days of starting said job.

One fantasy includes me putting my credentials and keys on the desk in the office and saying "C'YA!" and walking out of the office with both middle fingers held high. Another fantasy includes me saying "Fuck this job, fuck you, I fucking quit!"

Honestly I have no clue how it will go down. I may just lay my credentials and work keys on the desk and silently walk out... screaming in joy all the way home. The point is I am miserable at work. While I love doing loss prevention work, I hate where I am. I am in a position with a company that gives me ZERO chance of moving up in position. There is a lady that has been in her position there (same position as me) since 2008. That is 10 years being stagnant in a low level position! I DON'T WANT THAT!!!!

The managers are... well let's just say the workplace is toxic. The managers are micro-managers. I was literally told yesterday "We need you to be independent" yet in the next breath being told I need to call them with anything that happens right away (this was in response to me not calling them about the shoplifter I could not stop and spent the majority of the day gathering ditched packaging and doing video review). Soooo I need to be independent yet not... OK.

I was told not to eat in the camera room while another LP was literally right next to me eating and NOTHING was said to her.

While I know what I am doing and am damn good at LP work, I do NOT know the computer portion of it at the company because it has been three years since I did it. I forgot... sue me. I told them I did not remember the computer portion (entering in cases, etc). I told them many times. They had the nerve to tell me that since I was prior LP and I was saying "I know this" or "I got this" they thought there was no problem. I told them that I had told them NUMEROUS times I did not know the computer part, they looked at me like I had horns growing out of my face.

When I told one LP that I felt like no one wanted to help me when I needed to stop my shoplifters last week that LP then went to the managers and said that I said no one helped me at all. The story was I saw the subjects select merchandise, I did not see the concealment because it was in a blind spot. I went on the floor to where I assumed he concealed and found empty packaging, I told the fellow LP we needed to stop them, she says "OK" I hear her yell for the assistant manager and she hangs up the phone. I go to the front of the store to wait for someone to assist because we are not supposed to make a stop alone and NO ONE SHOWS. I go back to the office and walk in and say "Is no one going to come help?" I get told by the managers "We didn't see what you saw". Ummmm... does it fucking matter???? I SAW IT! IT'S MY JOB!!!! That's not what I said though, I said "He stole the earrings, I have the empty packaging. We need to stop them" To which they replied "Are you sure?" I replied "YES!" I was getting impatient because all this time we are wasting they could get away. The fellow LP grabs her credentials (I did not have mine yet) and goes to stop them. She made the stop and we escorted them back. I get scolded for her doing the stop instead of me... apparently I am supposed to flash my dependent ID card instead of credentials...

I feel all of this is SO STUPID and I want out. I really do. I want a new job where I feel trusted and valued. A job where I am treated like an adult woman rather than a inexperienced kid.  I have anxiety daily, I often cry on my drive home, I often call my bestie to cry to her because SHE GETS IT! I feel sick to my stomach and have frequent migraines. This job is literally making me sick. It's toxic. 

And now part of me is terrified someone will see this and I may get fired before I can quit.