Friday, March 9, 2018

Dream Interpretation

So early this morning I had a dream. It was odd, but after looking up some meanings I think I have the code cracked.

I just got out of the shower in my dream, or I am assuming, because I was leaning over to put gel in my hair (it's odd because I never use gel in my hair, just mousse) and I remember it feeling very sticky. As I was trying to run it through my hair I noticed that my hair was very tangled and matted... and then I noticed my hair came out in two huge clumps... much like when I am pulling clumps of hair out of my husky mix's when they are blowing their winter coats. I didn't end up bald, instead I ended up with a short/sassy new hairstyle that I wasn't all upset about. I remember running my fingers through the back thinking how soft and healthy my hair felt. I was happy and comfortable!

Now on to the dream interpretation.

My tangled and matted hair represents the negativity in my life. Things were in chaos. The gel is representative of me trying to hold my shit together... it didn't work because as I was trying to hold my shit together the negativity just decided to release itself from me instead.

So this means that instead of trying to hold my shit together I am just supposed to get rid of it. Get rid of the negativity, the people that make me crazy, etc... and you know what? I did! I quit my job at the PX that was full of toxic people. I removed myself from drama filled Facebook groups. I deleted people from my friends list that were negative or toxic... not friends at all... just people that kept me on for gossip or some shit.

The new shorter, healthier hair is representative of right now. How my stress is mostly gone (some of my long hair was still on my head, and while it wasn't tangled and matted, it was dry and not as healthy as the hair on the back of my head).  It was a different color. It went from blonde to dark brown/red representing the changes in myself). I know it was a positive dream because I was happy and not upset at all about losing my long hair! It's just weird how things in your life end up being interpreted in your mind while you are sleeping.

Things have gotten so much better lately. I mean, it seems like since I quit my last job things just keep getting better and better! I got a new job that I LOVE! The people there are amazing and I feel zero stress even though my days are spent learning new things and TONS of it. How amazing is that? They work with me on my schedule and work around the appointments I have rather than forcing me to take vacation leave weekly or leave without pay. They are super nice and have wonderful personalities, I even told my manager that she just doesn't understand how happy I was to be there.

My daughter was able to get the medications she needs to manage her ADHD and anxiety. I didn't have to fight anyone or lose my shit to get it done either! While we were in Alaska she was treated so poorly by the army medical clinics there. In the beginning they told me (what we later found out) her anxiety attacks were just "teenage temper tantrums". Her stomach pains had no cause, they were psychosomatic. Her period pains were just cramps... here, take some naproxen and get used to it. Everything she all of a sudden became allergic to was not even considered for anything going wonky with her body. I took her off post for mental health care and she was treated right and taken seriously... that's where she was diagnosed and started making progress. Since coming to Texas she has recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, and upon research of that so many things that have been going on with her over the years can be attributed to that. It wrecks the immune system, gives gastrointestinal issues, and can even cause a person to have allergies (because of the immune system issues).

My house got clean and my kids are doing their chores!!! That is nothing short of a miracle in itself.

You know... sometimes life turns to shit... but nothing is permanent. Things can and will get better. It seemed like bad kept happening rapid fire, like dominoes falling since before we moved to Texas on through recently. Now I am excited to see things looking up and am super excited to see what else good will come my way.

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Food for Thought 2018

I have often gone to my Facebook to relax. Seeing what my friends are doing, funny memes, etc can be relaxing. Not so much right now. I have a bunch of people polluting the feed with their anti gun, pro gun, conspiracy theories, anti government, pro government, anti Trump, pro Trump,  hating the left, hating the right, anti vaccine, pro vaccine... holy crap I could go on forever. The thing is everyone has it wrong. They are not thinking hard enough, their complaints or solutions are either too simplistic or offer nothing at all.

The thing is these posts are either severely misinformed, severely hypocritical, or do nothing but spread more hate, ignorance, and anger. There are people on my friends list that I wonder if they completely have lost their minds with the bullshit they post! It's CRAZY shit!!!!!


Bear with me while I sound like an old woman. Social media had ruined our society. We are able to post whatever we want without regard to logic or fact. Then people who are apparently unable to fact check on their own believe whatever it is without question. We are able to comment whatever we want to people. There is no regard for the fact that the person on the other end is a LIVE HUMAN BEING WITH FEELINGS! People tell others to fuck off, they tell others to kill themselves, they threaten the lives of others and threaten to rape; this is all done under the "anonymity" of the internet with no consequences or repercussions for their actions. There are VERY few people who are able to hold civilized conversations with others that have differing viewpoints. It turns into name calling and threats. Keyboard warriors.
Then there are those that resort to actual violence because they are unable to communicate. Do you realize how many people are shot and killed in my city alone over WORDS?!??! I don't know actual numbers, but its more than one and one is too many. I see comments online about how "people don't know how to fight with their fists anymore, they want to go for the guns. They need to bring back good old fashioned ass whoopins instead of going for their gun." No, no they don't. You DO realize that fists can kill too right?

People need to grow the fuck up and learn to talk like ADULTS or walk the fuck away. Bullying is bad, yes... it happens. Yes people do need to toughen up a bit, but you know what? Not all people are able emotionally or mentally to do that. Hear me out. School shooters to my knowledge have one thing in common: they were outcasts. People want to point their finger at guns, people want to point their finger at the FBI, people want to point their finger at the school, people want to point their finger at the shooter... do me a favor and point the finger at yourself. What are YOU doing to foster human morals, ethics, goodwill and kindness? What are you doing to reach out to those less fortunate or a little weird to show them that they are not hated by everyone? You don't know what these people went through at school, at home, etc. Why look at someone and decide they are unworthy of a smile and a hello? Why see someone that looks angry and upset and decide to leave them alone rather than asking "Is everything ok? Are you alright?"

I have seen people posting asking kids to befriend someone they wouldn't normally to protest school shootings rather than walking out. Why is everyone have such an aversion to reaching out to those that don't fit into their cliques? You don't have to hang out with them in your free time or spend hours on the phone or whatever... just. be. nice. If a person thinks that no one loves them, that no one cares, and everyone is out to get them the result is usually one of two things or both- violence against others and suicide.

It saddens me to see how selfish people have become. I know that all people are not like this, but it doesn't help when social media and major news media only focus on the negative and their own agenda. I stopped watching the news years ago, I stopped reading the news... every once in a while I will read something but it leads me down a rabbit hole trying to find what's true and what is propaganda for their sheep.

I believe we, the people of the United States and the earth, have the obligation to make the change. Its starts from within. It starts within our own homes. If you are waiting for someone else to start it or do something you are part of the problem. It costs ZERO DOLLARS to be nice to someone. Remember the movie "Pay it Forward"? Yeah, do that. It doesn't always have to cost something, it just requires you to have a heart. It won't stop all violence, some people ARE just bad, but I wonder how long it will take for people to see a change on our soil? 
Be the change you want to see in the world!!!!

Friday, March 2, 2018

Lessons Learned

I did it! I quit my job! I have a tentative start date with a new job, but I had to quit. I needed time to decompress, I needed time to release the negativity... I needed time to let it go so I wouldn't drag all of that with me to my new job.

I knew it wasn't healthy to stay there. I knew it wouldn't get better. I knew the hostility was gaining momentum all around. I knew I was going to walk in to work yesterday and get questioned over my decision to NOT stop someone. I knew that no matter what I did I was going to get questioned or told I was wrong. I knew it was time... I learned a valuable lesson, and that was it's not just about loving what you do, but about who you work with too. You can love your job, but those people that surround you can make you miserable.

If you are wondering, the night before last I was at work and a guy stole the back to an earring. One of those little plastic ones. There was still another back on the earring... they were sold with two and he stole one because he apparently needed one for his earring already in his ear. So I am sitting there going "Do I stop him? He didn't take the earrings, and we can still sell them as they are for full price. What value do you put on those backs and how do you charge it? Five cents? Twenty cents? Knowing my bosses they would say charge him for the earrings completely, and that is not something I would feel comfortable with. I would end up being a huge joke with the Military Police if I stopped this guy over the back to an earring..." so I decided not to make the stop, it wasn't worth potentially ruining a guy's military career or potentially ruining my reputation as an LP that is worth a crap. I don't make bad stops and I am not going to make a stop over something that more than likely has no value. Hell the MP's told my former coworkers that day that they didn't charge a guy with theft that they said stole a 98 cent chapstick. They stopped him, and the MP's said "He paid for it, it was broken, he exchanged it... he just didn't go through the proper channels to exchange it (bypassing customer service completely)", oh that pissed them off! I mean, it's understandable them being pissed, but sometimes you have to make a judgement call (on the LP and the MP side) that won't be popular with others. Oh, and FYI... if you steal from AAFES and are caught you will be charged $200 on top of anything you might have stolen. It's not worth it people!

I went into to work, neither manager was there. Bummer. So I went into the camera room, grabbed a resignation form, told the ESSA there I was quitting and went into the office to fill it out. I left my keys, credentials, and time card on the desk as well as a copy of my resignation and went straight to HR. I gave them a letter of resignation and told them EXACTLY why I was quitting. I told them it was a toxic work environment, I told them that I was micromanaged, I told them they were being petty, I told them that I was being treated badly, I told them I was talked to over anything and everything. I told them the job was making me physically ill with stress and anxiety from my first few days on and that I had to leave before it got worse. I told them it just wasn't healthy. They didn't seem surprised. I was asked if it was the manager. I told them it was BOTH the manager and assistant manager, more so the assistant manager because she was there more.

I told them I had done this previously, for years, and I knew the job. I knew what was right, I knew what was wrong. I told them that as soon as I started questioning their work ethics and whatnot that the attitude towards me changed. I told them that my mind was spinning at the moment, but I had everything written down of what had been going on and what behaviors and whatnot had been done to me. She told me that I was still good in their system because I turned in my resignation, even though I had not given notice... but I don't think I will EVER work for that company again.

I started thinking back to when I worked LP for the first time. My best friend/coworker and I complained about the boss because he did not know his job that well and he was annoying... but you know what? Overall he was a good manager. He trusted us. We didn't clock in and out because he trusted that we would come in and leave for our scheduled shifts, and we did. He trusted us to make a stop and not question us if we REALLY saw what we did thereby casting doubt. He trusted us as adults to eat in the camera room, and as such we often worked through our lunch because we WANTED to and LIKED to work. He trusted us to train employees and not take pictures and email them to him to prove that we were training employees. He trusted us to not have us call and email him with EVERY THING WE DID or any decision we made. We often texted him to let him know what was going on if we made a stop, not because we had to, but because we were excited and wanted him to know.

Everything was done with respect and trust, not because of micromanaging and mistrust. We had an awesome team of loss prevention people because we COMMUNICATED and WORKED TOGETHER AS A TEAM! We didn't work on cases and not let everyone else know what we were doing, we told everyone so that if they saw something or if we needed help we were there for each other. Fort Hood AAFES Los Prevention is "every man/woman for him/herself". No teamwork, no trust, no communication. 


Today I am going in to take a drug test for my new job which will start the background check. I will spend the rest of my day cleaning and whatnot that I have neglected since I started working again. I need to buy toilet paper too since I got trapped in the downstairs bathroom this morning and had to text my daughter to bring me some... luckily she looked at her phone (she normally has it on silent).

I will...

Is that song in your head now???