Sunday, December 18, 2011

Some people should not reproduce....

The following is (I swear it is) a real and true conversation between a friend of mine and an ex-facebook friend of hers. She never met this person in real life... but I SWEAR THIS IS NOT MADE UP!!!

The first half is the original version, if it makes your head want to explode there is an English version below it- translated for the majority :) Names abbreviated to protect the stupid....

Original Version:


JT-How r u

AD- Good, you?

JT- notso good :(

AD- Sorry to hear that. :(

JT-Ya do ya wana no y i don feel good

AD- Sure.

JT- well i juss got home from the hospitle 2 ours ago.

AD- Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT- wat happened was i 4got to take furst tampon out n shoved a secund 1 in ha ha

AD - Um... wow

JT- so den i tryed use thurd to get dem out that did not work so i used forth

AD- o.O

JT- Tryed 2 get drew my bf 2 pull dem owt but his hand only go in most the way n get stuk

AD- Are you messing with me? Seriously, are you?

JT- Wat u meen

AD- Nevermind.. Then what happened?

JT- Culdnt get dem owt but he did find too rubers up in ther

AD- Well, that's good I guess.

JT- I was in pane 4 3 days had to use pads n pads hurt y wuld ne1 want to use sumthin tat uncufrutabel lol

AD- And the FOUR tampons shoved up inside you did hurt?

JT- not reele but i did start to get bad sick so i had to go to the hospitle n they pulled dem owt n on top of all tat i know have diahorrea n my bf dumpt me 4 my sister cuz he sed i pussy was 2 lose for hims dik how culd he say tat

AD- Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT- How can u b so meen i is sereus n tryin 2 vent to sum1

AD- I'm sorry, not trying to be. It's just that this all sounds like a joke or something. 

JT- it ok juss emoshinal rite know ya no
wat wurss is tat my babee sister is preggo wit me babee know

AD- Say what?

JT- ya he cheeted on me n know she preggo n it has 2 b my babee

AD- Um... I think you mean she is pregnant with his baby?

JT- Ya it his babee it his n MY babee

AD- That would make the baby his and hers. It would be THEIR baby. How on earth could it be yours?

JT- We had sex duh tat how babees r maid lol

AD- Seriously?

JT- Ya n she only 16 she 2 yung to be havin babees n shit sumhow he must hav suked up 1 of my eggs n put it up in her n now she bitsh is gunna have my babee n i will be lonee 4eva n they get 2 b happi 

AD- That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it would NOT be your kid at all. 

JT- y dose everewon take his side U juss MEEN BITSH juss delete me know if u gunna b meen

AD- I hope this is all just one big elaborate joke. But based upon your spelling and grammar, But I seriously doubt it.

AD- You have somehow reached a level of moron in which I have in my life never encountered before. And hope never to encounter again. Also, I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in and of itself. You are a marvel to the intellectual world.

JT- wat

English Version-

JT: Hey

AD: Hi

JT: How are you?

AD: Good, you?

JT: Not so good.

AD: Sorry to hear that.

JT: Do you want to know why I don't feel good?

AD: Sure.

JT: Well, I just got home from the hospital 2 hrs ago.

AD: Oh, So sorry to hear. I hope you are okay.

JT: What happened was, I shoved a second tampon up, but forgot to take the second one out.

AD: Um.. wow

JT: So then I tried using a third one to remove the two, and when that didn't work, I used a 4th.

AD: O.o

JT: I tried to get my boyfriend to pull them out, but he could only get his hand in so far.

AD: Are you messing with me?

JT: What do you mean?

AD: Nevermind... Then what happened?

JT: He couldn't get them out, but he did find 2 rubbers in there.

AD: that's good I guess.

AD: So then what happened?

JT: I was in pain for 3 days. I had to use pads. Pads hurt. Why would anyone want to use something that uncomfortable?

AD: And four tampons didn't hurt?

JT: Not really. But I did start to get sick. So I had to go to the hospital and they pulled them out. And on top of it all, I now have diarrhea and my boyfriend dumped me for my sister because he said I was too loose. How could he say that? 

AD: Is this a joke? Are you fucking with me?

JT: How can you be so insensitive? I'm serious, and trying to vent to someone. 

AD: Sorry, not trying to be.

JT: I'm just a little emotional right now, it's ok.

JT: What's worse is, my little sister is now prego with my baby.

AD: Say what?

JT: Yeah, he cheated on me, and now she is prego, and it has to be my kid.

AD: Don't you mean with his kid?

JT: Of course it would be his kid. His and MINE.

AD: That would make it his and her's. How could it be yours?

JT: We have had sex, duh.

AD: Seriously?

JT: Yeah, and she is only 16. She's too young to have kids. He must have sucked up one of my eggs and put it in her. Now she is going to have my kid and I will end up all alone.

AD: That would NOT be your kid. That's not how it works. The egg stays in you. It doesn't leave. So it wouldn't be your kid at all. 

JT: Why does everyone keep taking his side. You are Fucking bitch for taking their side. You should just delete me.

AD: I hope this is just an elaborate joke, but based upon your spelling, I seriously doubt it. 

AD: You have reached a level of moron in which I have never encountered before in my life. I hope that you never reproduce. How you have made it this far in life is beyond me. The fact that the short bus hasn't ran you over is a miracle in itself. 

JT: What?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Time for a few rants... feel free to add your own!

Have you ever wanted to tell someone "I would feel sorry for you, but I think you are feeling sorry for yourself enough for everyone"? You have no idea how pissy I have been lately... I know I can attribute some of it to PMS, because I am a raging BITCH during that time, but now that has passed I feel I can safely rant without going overboard... maybe, possibly... don't count on it...

OK, so here we go...

Rant #1: I am sooo tired of women blaming their weight problem on PCOS. OK, I did it once, and I was told that having PCOS makes it harder to lose weight... well it is hard, but NOT IMPOSSIBLE PEOPLE!!!!! I have lost over 70 lbs so far, I am within the healthy weight range (no longer obese, no longer overweight), I have PCOS and I DID IT! You cannot stuff your face with cakes, cookies, McDonald's, Burger King, etc... pop a Metformin in your mouth and say "This pill will help me lose weight!" then get mad when you are not losing weight! OK, Metformin CAN help you lose weight because of the side effects, but it is not meant for weight loss. Also, I saw one woman had typed "I find that since I got PCOS I get cravings before my T.O.M. (time of the month), does anyone else experience this?" Um... news flash!!! MOST WOMEN GET CRAVINGS BEFORE THEIR TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!! YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!!!! It is not the PCOS that is doing that, it is called being a hormonal woman.

Rant #2: Women who say they are working out, losing tons of weight, etc... then you see them and they look no different than they had 3 months or more before. OK, if you want to lie to yourself fine, but don't lie to me and expect me to lie to you by saying you look like you lost weight when I cannot see it. I would feel bad for thinking this way, but when people tell me they see you running at the track then immediately going into the bowling alley to eat half of a pizza and chicken strips with ranch dressing I know that you just undid whatever you might have done. I feel not one ounce of bad for you. Oh, and stop being pissed off at me because I have lost the weight... I have worked hard for this, if you chose to ignore what I have told you what worked for me that is your issue not mine. Jealousy is an ugly color to wear.

Rant #3: The pity train has derailed... seriously. I am so tired of hearing all the whining and complaining about things that people have complete control to prevent or FIX! Stop playing the blame game for whatever issues you are having, take some fucking responsibility for your actions (or the actions of your little precious adorable demon spawn) and DO SOMETHING!!! You cannot expect others to fix everything for you, and when you are a military spouse you HAVE to learn to do shit and fix shit on your own... waiting for the hubby to handle things is not always an option. I have fixed a door that came apart (Gorilla Glue and clamps to the rescue!), fixed a broken sofa (same thing... YAY FOR GORILLA GLUE!), taken the vehicle in for brakes, tires, and maintenance, dealt with many a crisis, and still managed to try to help others when they exhausted all options. You are a married adult with children... ACT LIKE IT! Also, I refuse to feel sorry for someone who creates their own drama.

Rant #4: My kids are on my last nerve. If they would get off their asses and do their chores I would be THRILLED! Don't expect me to buy you stuff that you want (notice WANT, not need) when you don't do jack shit to earn it. Also, please notice that the vehicle does not have the words TAXI written on it ANYWHERE!

Rant #5: I was told that I might be offered a full time position at the work location 40 miles from here... umm.... take that offer and SHOVE IT! I was working at the local office when a full time position came available and YOU CHOSE to pass me over for it. I do not fancy the idea of driving 40 miles in snow, rain, dark (I hate driving in the dark) and on the friggin autobahn because you screwed me over 8 months ago.

On the upside, the holidays are here. Thanksgiving was wonderful. I invited a Russian family over and enjoyed seeing they loved the food and loved the stuffing (they never had stuffing before... WTF?), I am also holding a 2nd Thanksgiving for some soldier brothers of my husband that will be back home any day.

My youngest son came to me and told me his medication for ADHD was not working and he wanted to go to the doctor. I am so proud of him for seeing that and coming to me! He is now on his concerta in the morning, and a low dose of Ritalin at noon. It is working wonderfully, and I have even noticed his handwriting has become neater! I have to take him into audiology at the end of the month because he says (and the school says) he cannot hear well out of his right ear. He says at times he cannot hear out of it at all, so we shall see what is going on there.

My oldest son is planning a trip to Australia, and getting very impatient about it. My daughter still has her boyfriend, I have met his mother and I like them all! He is a really good kid and looks out for my daughter who can be very trusting and naive at times. I told him that she is lucky to have him, he replied that he is lucky to have her (awww....).

Also... does anyone think that Levi's jeans fit larger than the size states? I bought a pair of size 4's and they fit, but I have a hard time believing that I am my daughter's size.... I mean I will take it, but I do not want to look like a liar when I say I can fit in 4's... I know I can fit into a 7 normally without issue, but 4's??? Pssh...

Add your rants in the comments... I love to read them :)